


A New School of Magic

by Arigatomina



Category: Final Fantasy VIII, Hunter X Hunter, Magic Knight Rayearth, Naruto, 闇の末裔 | Yami No Matsuei | Descendants of Darkness
Genre: Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Crossover, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-18 02:52:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 69,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16986768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arigatomina/pseuds/Arigatomina
Summary: The Naruto boys are forced to attend a strange magical school run by a collection of wizarding outcasts with something to prove. Yaoi, NaruSasu, KakaIru.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes: This a Harry Potter-inspired fic. It's not an HP-crossover because there probably won't be any HP characters in the story, and no Hogwarts. It's not a HP fusion because it doesn't follow the HP storyline. But it is inspired by HP and most of the fic will take place in a psuedo-HP world. It's not really an AU fic because the Naruto kids come from the canon Naruto world. It's a TWT fic that becomes an AU crossover fic as the story builds. Mostly it's just an excuse to force some of my favorite Naruto characters into an unnatural situation and watch how they react to it. Lots of gratuitous interactions and just enough "magic school" that they'll be primed to ruin the original Naruto canon by the time they go home.
> 
> Naruto Timeline & Age: In this fic, Naruto went to find Tsunade right after the chunin exam and Itachi hasn't passed through yet. Also, most of the cast are 15 and the older-looking ones are closer to 18. I just can't write genin Shino as 12 years old.
> 
> Pairings: NaruSasu, KakaIru, and more  
> Warnings: Yaoi, will have smutt, humor, and violence

Iruka was having a busy week. Sasuke was still in the hospital following his confrontation with Gaara, and Naruto, who had always healed fast, had never really been hospitalized at all. That left the boy with too much free time and no one in his team to hang out with. Which meant he was bored. Which meant he was hungry. Iruka had treated him to ramen three days in a row and fully expected to spot that tousled head of blonde hair the moment his class let out for the day. He didn't really mind being used as a distraction. He just wished Naruto would hurry up and visit Sasuke before his favorite ex-teacher went broke.

His busy but normal week was disturbed when he stepped out of the academy to find, not Naruto, but Kakashi waiting for him. That was unusual, but not precisely strange. They had gotten along better lately, no more embarrassed explosions that led Kakashi to put him, condescendingly, in his place. He was the chuunin, Kakashi was the jounin, he was the former teacher, Kakashi was the current teacher. Iruka had come to terms with it. He had no problem being calm and friendly on the occasions they ran into each other. And there was always the possibility that Naruto had been bugging Kakashi as much in the last week as he had Iruka. That would explain why Kakashi might wait for him after his classes.

The strangeness began with Kakashi's appearance. He was wearing a plain blue cloth band over his eye instead of his forehead protector. His clothes were unusual in their casualness - a long black coat that was unbuttoned just enough to show a dark gray shirt and black pants combined with his typical cloth mask. Even his shoes were different, black boots that wouldn't be practical in anything requiring taijutsu. It wasn't unheard of for a ninja to dress casually, even eccentrically - Gai's green spandex was a prime example. But the lack of a forehead protector stood out. Most ninja didn't even take them off for festivals, the hitaiate standing out in glaring contrast to loose kimonos and formal wear. He had never expected to see Kakashi without that.

The strangeness got worse when Kakashi saw him, let out a startled laugh, and started circling and eyeballing him. Iruka tensed and blushed and stood rooted in place, his head turning one way and then the other to follow the circling jounin. Kakashi circled him three times, slowly, staring, before coming to a stop in front of him. Then he gave that laugh again. Iruka found the furious blush burning his face.

"What?" Iruka snapped. Embarrassing him when he had spoken out of place was one thing. They had gotten past that. There was no reason for Kakashi to look at him like that without at least explaining the joke first.

"You look good," Kakashi said, his tone happily surprised. "Got some nice muscles going for you. Been working out?"

Iruka blinked and frowned, that blush darkening even more. "Of course," he said sharply. Teaching at the academy wasn't a stationary job no matter what some people liked to think. Admittedly he didn't train as often as he would have liked to, especially recently with Naruto roping him into nightly ramen trips. He still stayed in shape as much as possible with his schedule. A few shinobi children might be nothing to a ninja, but a whole class of them was at least as challenging to control as a C rank mission. And he did it daily.

"That's good," said Kakashi. He sounded thoughtful now, a sly thoughtful, the way he would have sounded if someone had asked him what the little orange books he read were about and he was considering whether or not to enlighten, and possibly traumatize, the curious person. "I like that," he murmured, so quietly Iruka wasn't sure he had heard him correctly. "Should let him out of bed more often..."

Iruka was sure he had heard that last part wrong. If he hadn't, he was going to pretend he had. Jounin were secretive about their personal affairs. It was common practice in a role where anyone close was a potential target. He hadn't heard anything about Kakashi having a lover before and as far as he was concerned, he still hadn't heard anything. He ignored that little part of him that jerked in annoyance, disappointment, and maybe a dash of jealousy. He barely found time to train, forget a personal life.

"Can I help you?" Iruka asked, testy now. "Did you need something?"

"You don't want to chat with me?" Kakashi blinked. His expression, what little of it was visible, sobered abruptly. He almost sounded suspicious and...angry, maybe. "You don't like me?"

Iruka had heard plenty of rumors about Kakashi. That he could be too serious, or too flippant depending on his mood. That he liked to torment and poke at his friends, or drive them to over exuberant craziness like poor Gai. That he mocked his students with jokes that weren't funny and made no sense. That he was a lazy loner who didn't associate with anyone or do anything unless he had to. Iruka had heard it all, but he had never experienced any of it firsthand. To be blunt, he was below Kakashi's line of sight. So he had no idea if Kakashi were serious or joking, and he didn't particularly care either way. This weirdness was as tiring as distracting Naruto for days on end.

"I like you fine, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka said calmly. "I'm just curious what you wanted to talk to me about. Is this about your team?"

Kakashi shrugged, still eyeing him with a strange mix of disappointment and resentment, though it didn't seem aimed at Iruka in particular. "My team. Ah, I guess that's good. Tell me about them. They're young, eh? Talented?"

"Of course," Iruka frowned. Was he doubting that? "Are you worried because Sasuke's still in the hospital? You shouldn't be. He'll be out soon enough. Naruto told me about their fight with Gaara." That half of it was certainly exaggerated went unsaid; if Kakashi wasn't familiar with Naruto by now, he never would be. "They're definitely the strongest genin in Konoha right now, even if Shikamaru was the only one to pass the exam. Asuma-sensei says he's even more of a genius than Sasuke, so that's no surprise. He'd do well leading Team 7 in the future." He winced a little and added, "Providing he learns to work with women. Sakura would probably kill him if he-"

"I'm not really interested in girls," Kakashi cut him off. "Where are the boys now? Sasuke's in the hospital, be out soon, that's good. What about Naruto?"

Iruka had flinched at the casual dismissive statement. His first instinct was to defend Sakura. She wasn't as powerful as her male teammates, but she showed plenty of potential and she was definitely less troublesome than either of the boys. He kept his tongue just because of that - Sakura wasn't troublesome. Maybe Kakashi was simply worried about the rivalry that had kept Naruto roaming around Konoha for the last few days instead of admitting he was worried about his teammate and just visiting him already. If Kakashi had decided to step in and talk to Naruto about it, that was a good thing.

"He's probably bothering Shikamaru or playing somewhere with Konohamaru. If it's the first, you might try talking to Asuma-sensei."

"Asuma," Kakashi repeated, as if testing the name in his mouth. He didn't seem to notice the confused way Iruka was staring at him. "You think we get along?"

"I..." Iruka blinked and frowned at Kakashi, a dash of worry starting to build in his stomach. There was something really wrong here if Kakashi were asking him whether or not one of his closest friends 'got along' with him. Iruka barely even spoke to Kakashi, let alone Asuma. How was he supposed to know?

"I would think so," Iruka said, finally. "I hear he's one of your closest friends after Gai-sensei..."

"All right, then," Kakashi said, smiling suddenly and looking relieved. "I tell you what, Iru-kun, it's just not right for us not to get along better. I'll do you a favor. The next time you see me, you return the favor and I promise, we'll be a lot closer. The way we should be."

The strangeness that had started the moment Iruka stepped out of the academy peaked then and tipped over from the realm of strangely weird into the pool of outright bizarre.

Kakashi eased to him, slipped his arms around him and bent him into a probing kiss that was, quite frankly, a little too familiar and stimulating for Iruka to handle. He did it as if he'd been kissing him for years, and his hands...they went right to the small of his back and his neck and...teased...rubbing sensitive spots Iruka hadn't even known were there. The kiss and the embrace smothered him and he made a small whimpering sound in the back of his throat that he would obsess over and be mortified about for the rest of the week while he hid out for fear of running into Kakashi again and being expected to 'return the favor.'

A moment later, Kakashi stepped back with a pleased hum. He adjusted his mask slowly enough so Iruka had a clear view of his face. Then he winked and disappeared without so much as a waft of the usual smoke and breeze accompanied by teleportation jutsu. Iruka was left standing in shock, his lips feeling bruised and damp, his fingers tingling, goosebumps breaking out on his arms, and his thoughts frozen for an indeterminable time before he snapped out of it, blushed furiously, and teleported to his apartment to start the aforementioned obsessing and hiding.

.-.

Iruka wasn't the only one in Konoha under the impression that Asuma was one of Kakashi's closest friends. What he didn't realize was that 'second closest friend' didn't mean much when it came to Hatake Kakashi, and even less when it came to Asuma. The rough chainsmoking man got along with everybody. He didn't ask questions, didn't say anything unless there was a reason to, so it was easy for a loner to just happen to spend time near him now and then. That was the extent of their friendship. They were at ease in each other's company, didn't mind exchanging words now and then, and shared a mutual trust and respect if they were ever on a mission together. Aside from that, Kakashi visited Asuma about as often as he sought out Gai. Meaning not at all.

Shikamaru marked the visit as suspicious immediately. He had never once seen Kakashi come to talk to Asuma during his entire time as part of Asuma's team. Not once. That alone was strange enough to make him pay lazy, but very careful, attention.

Asuma didn't seem to think anything strange about it, since he was easygoing and it wasn't hard to assume Kakashi had just happened to be passing by. The sudden questions made him raise a bushy eyebrow, and he did look at Kakashi for a moment before answering. But his casual demeanor never changed, an easy smile, loose tone, and relaxed leaning in the booth across from his newly graduated student while he talked with his sometime friend. He made one comment about Kakashi's outfit and that was all.

"I'm slumming," Kakashi had answered, with a deadpanned expression that made Asuma snort and light up a fresh cigarette. "Tell me, in your opinion, which boys are the strongest in Konoha right now?"

"That a loaded question?" Asuma drawled. He didn't wait for Kakashi to answer. He just waved a hand at the seemingly inattentive Shikamaru sitting across from him. "He's the only one who made it to chuunin. Eh, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru glowered and hunched over his untouched meal. He was used to the casual and not-so-casual praise he had been getting. He didn't care anymore. What he didn't like was the avid way Kakashi was looking him over. It was almost disturbing.

"I see," Kakashi murmured. He eyed Shikamaru until his slow smile closed the visible eye. Then he turned back to Asuma. "And after him?"

"Sasuke," Asuma shrugged.

He didn't put any emphasis on the name. He knew Kakashi wasn't begging for compliments on his team, so he took it as nothing more than a fellow leader asking his opinion of the current genin in the village. This wasn't the first time he had discussed that. Gai had talked his ear off about the exact same thing a week before the exam, getting more and more heated at how low some of his team members were ranked on Asuma's scale. At least with Kakashi, Asuma knew he wouldn't get any arguments. Kakashi wanted to hear his opinion, not to force his own onto someone else.

"Sasuke," Kakashi repeated.

"Yeah," Asuma muttered, taking a drag off his cigarette and exhaling to the side where it wouldn't hit Shikamaru in the face. "Same as what we thought before the exam. Most promising genin and all that. I would have put Hyuuga next, but Naruto beat him, so I guess he's grown a lot lately. So I'd say Naruto, then Neji. Tough after that. That Aburame Shino's a wild card. No telling how he'd fare in a fight with any of the others. I would have tied him up with Lee if, you know, he weren't so bad off."

"Bad," Kakashi prodded, making it a question more than a statement.

"No telling if he'll recover," Asuma said, quiet and frowning now. "Gai's real messed up over it. But that Lee...one tough kid taking on Gaara like that. Just bad luck he had to match up with him."

"About Gaara," Kakakashi prodded again, a little less casual now.

Asuma didn't seem to notice the way Shikamaru tensed and shot Kakashi a sharp look.

"Yeah," Asuma sighed, as if Kakashi had said something besides the kid's name. "I don't think we'll be seeing much of the Sand for a while. Good thing. We have enough trouble now as it is..."

"So," Kakashi said, casual again, "if Gaara weren't Sand you'd put him...?"

"I would have said over all of ours," Asuma scowled. "Knowing what he is," and he shot a pointed look at Kakashi, since he couldn't mention containers in front of Shikamaru. "But then Naruto beat him, well, with help from Sasuke in that match, still Naruto mostly. I guess he'd be up there with the two of them. He's got no self control, though. He'll never make chuunin like that, powerful or not."

Kakashi nodded. "So after Lee, assuming he recovers...?"

"Then it gets all messy," said Asuma. "You're just talking about the boys, right? Well, I'd say Kiba and then Chouji. You know, Chouji could be up there with Hyuuga Neji if he had to be, if he ever went full out. Not much that can get him motivated enough for that though, aside from Shikamaru. I've got a real loyal team."

He flashed a fond, surly look at his student. Shikamaru grimaced and shifted in his seat. Kakashi beamed.

"Ah, loyalty," Kakashi sighed, "such a good trait."

"Yeah," Asuma snorted with a half grin, his cigarette clamped in his teeth. "Not that you'd know much about that. I hear Naruto still hasn't visited Sasuke. He was down there with Shikamaru the other day, checking up on Lee, you know, and didn't so much as peek in on his teammate. That's poor morale you got there, Kakashi."

Kakashi sighed, looking playfully sad. "Ah, guess I'll have to work on that. Lock them in a room together, maybe."

Asuma stared for a second and then let out a barking laugh, almost dropping his cigarette. "Best damn idea you've had yet. Should have done it right from the start, you ask me."

"Well, better late than never," smiled Kakashi. He stood smoothly and flashed a look at Shikamaru. It wasn't a suspicious look, but it made the boy's eyes sharpen noticeably. "You two busy later?"

Asuma shrugged and scrubbed his cigarette out on a saucer. "I got stuff, probably should of gone to it a while ago."

"What about you?" Kakashi asked Shikamaru, his eye crinkling closed as he smiled.

"Why?" asked Shikamaru, his tone more suspicious than annoyed. Asuma finally noticed and gave him a faint frown.

"I was hoping you'd help me hunt down Naruto," Kakashi beamed. "He won't be so quick to run off if he thinks it's just you, right? I wouldn't want him to catch on that I plan to get him to visit Sasuke, after all."

Shikamaru gave him a long stare. There was something off. It wasn't just Kakashi's odd outfit. It was the way he had talked with Asuma as if he were only pretending to be causal, when really he had been paying avid attention to every bit of information he could get. There wasn't enough strangeness to tell anyone about it, but he thought it would be a good idea to keep an eye on Kakashi, until the reason for the strangeness was revealed.

On the other hand, finding Naruto and helping to get him to visit his teammate was more trouble than it was worth. Way too much trouble. He knew Naruto had only egged him into visiting Lee because it gave him an excuse to go to the hospital. Naruto didn't need encouragement to visit Sasuke. What he needed was to get Sakura out of the room so he wouldn't feel like a third uncomfortable wheel. Every time Naruto dragged him out for a visit to Lee, she was already there visiting Sasuke. And if Kakashi hadn't figured that out yet, he was acting even stranger than Shikamaru had suspected.

"Mendokuse," Shikamaru sighed, frowning at Kakashi.

"Is that a yes?" Kakashi beamed back at him.

"I guess," said Shikamaru, with a reluctance that went bone deep. He hated it when his responsibility led him to doing things that were so troublesome. "I already know where he'll be, anyway."

The same place he had been for days. Naruto might have made a habit of being surprising, but when it came to his personal life he was entirely too predictable. Maybe it would come as a shock to Kakashi to find his student sitting and staring at Hokage mountain. That boy brooded more than Sasuke. Shikamaru was just one of the few people who had ever paid enough attention to notice.

.-.  
TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Kyuubi was sleeping. He had stayed alert long enough to heal Naruto, to lend a dash of his energy so the kid wouldn't be bedridden for a month, and then he had curled in his cell for a long nap. His host hadn't taken much physical damage, but the energy he kept expending was more than he liked. Teaching a kid to summon and do rasengen at his age was ridiculous. Using his energy to summon Gamabunta was bad enough. Having the toad transform into his shape was just plain insulting. He planned to give Naruto an earful the next time the brat had the nerve to ask for some of his chakra. Not that he even bothered to ask anymore. Naruto was starting to take it for granted. That was another thing Kyuubi planned to correct him on after he rested.

It was a vibration that woke him up. A stone dropping into a still pool and sending tiny ripples over the water. Just a quiet sensation that something had changed, something wasn't right. He had felt a similar ripple when Shukaku's host had entered Konoha. He hadn't paid any attention to that because as much as they disliked each other, he knew he woud always win if they were forced into a confrontation. It was common sense. He was the nine tailed. Shukaku was nothing more than an unsightly annoyance at best. This time the vibration was foreign, unsettling enough to make him raise his groggy head. He hadn't slept nearly long enough.

His host was sitting on a cool rocky surface and staring blindly at the huge faces carved in the mountain across the way. He had been sitting there for hours. Kyuubi was aware of this in a vague way, something he didn't bother to focus on because it had no effect on him. He was always aware, peripherally, of Naruto's actions, his status, his thoughts and emotions. They had a symbiotic relationship, after all. He kept the boy ravenous to feed his own energy reserves, the only thing that kept him sane in his prison, and he came to attention when the boy was in danger of breaking, mentally or physically. That was all.

Kyuubi looked through the bars, through the dark, and through Naruto's glazed unfocused eyes. He prodded him the only way he could, with a whisper soft burst of his energy, which he immediately resented having to use when he was supposed to be conserving and replenishing.

'Something's wrong,' Kyuubi broadcasted.

Wrong. That was the word. Not just different. Something was wrong. The world had changed once. Kyuubi had been young then, young and foolish and unaware of how final the change would be until it was too late to do anything but accept it. The changes had been wrong. Wrong like this, whatever he was feeling, was wrong.

Naruto blinked, startled, and looked around. He was still dazed from the thoughts he had been having about that girl and the boy he had become closest to. Kyuubi let him wake up slowly for now. He was busy letting his senses spread out around him, feeling the humans, chakra, landscape and wildlife. Searching. And as his senses spread out and his fur hunched around his shoulders, he felt another ripple, closer than the first. A bigger stone. Not just that, but a familiar one.

'One of your friends is gone,' he stated. 'Completely removed from this world.'

There was no emotion in his tone. There were only two, maybe three humans he would extend himself to protect on Naruto's behalf. The ones whose deaths might break his fragile host. The others, the 'friends,' the ones Naruto spent time with and cared about but didn't need, were all expendable as far as Kyuubi was concerned. This one had been cared for but not needed. Kyuubi was more interested in the sensation of that life disappearing than the thought that one of Naruto's friends was gone. His host had lived most of his short life without friends. One more or less wouldn't make a difference.

It was the feeling that mattered. He had felt that sensation before. He recognized it now. It was the same thing he had felt the moment all of his kind had been sealed away, leaving him alone in the world.

'It's happening again.'

.-.

Lee didn't like it when his friends and teammates came to visit him. He hated the way they winced and smiled, trying so hard to cheer him up, to offer sympathy and support. They came for him and he didn't want to be the one making them feel bad when they went away afterward. It wasn't their fault, he had known the risk of fighting all out, even if he hadn't realized exactly how dangerous and ruthless his opponent could be. He didn't like the way they refused to accept that he hadn't given up and never would. They should have been reassured by his determination, his confidence in himself. Instead, the more he tried to make them feel better the worse they looked, and the harder it was to smile when they inevitably came back again.

Neji was the worst. It wasn't because Neji cared more. Of all Lee's visitors, Naruto and Tenten had taken his injuries the hardest. And maybe Gai-sensei, but at least he had been encouraging when Lee proclaimed his goal of making a full recovery no matter the risks involved. Neji didn't say anything. He didn't even try to smile or cheer him up. Lee didn't know how to talk to him anymore. Weeks before he could have challenged him, boasted his plans to defeat his teammate and rival through hard work alone. And Neji would have sniffed and reminded him of his lack of genius, his place in life and the fact that destiny couldn't be changed through effort alone. Naruto had broken that part of Neji and Lee didn't know if it had left his teammate better or worse.

The visits made Lee uncomfortable. It was the way Neji looked at him now. He could see in his eyes that looking at him left Neji disturbed, determined like he had been before, but with a different sort of weight on his shoulders now. Lee wondered if Neji saw his defeat as confirmation of his old beliefs, or if he looked like that because he saw himself as responsible for taking up the slack left in the team with Lee out of commission.

Neither of his teammates would tell him what sort of training Gai-sensei was having them do without him. Tenten smiled when he asked and told him to concentrate on getting better, and then she left as quickly as she could. Neji didn't answer at all, merely asking if it hurt, if he was tired, if he wanted to be alone, as if a question about their training wasn't worth dignifying with an answer when Lee was confined to a hospital bed. It made him feel guilty and sad, and he didn't want to feel that way when it took all of his effort to remain determined and hopeful. He was torn between keeping Neji's visits short, so he wouldn't feel so upset afterward, and wanting to make them longer so he could get a hint of that old comradery they had shared just a short time ago.

Neji had visited a few minutes before his sensei's foremost rival appeared in his room. Lee was staring out the window, doing his best to talk himself out of that confused and dark place Neji's visit had left him in. He didn't hear or feel the usual wind that came with teleportation, but he had a sudden prickling on the back of his neck, as if someone had walked in his shadow. He glanced around and then started to look back out the window - the door to the room was still closed and he would have heard it open - and then he spotted something out of the corner of his eye, flinched painfully, and looked again. Sure enough, a familiar figure was standing near the foot of his bed.

"Yo," Kakashi greeted, one hand lifted and a faint smile curving his visible eye.

Lee straightened up as much as he could. "Kakashi-sensei! I didn't hear you come in!"

"You were distracted," said Kakashi. "And I was quiet."

"Very quiet," Lee said, in an impressed and happy tone. He would never have expected to get a visit from one of the other team leaders, especially Gai-sensei's most esteemed rival. It was an honor that made his eyes gleam in a way that was usually reserved for Sakura alone. "Are you here to visit Sasuke-kun?"

"Eventually," Kakashi nodded.

Lee's expression dropped some when Kakashi tilted his head and looked him over. He didn't want to hear any of the usual comments. He was pleased and excited and he wanted to keep that for as long as he could. He had gotten a visit from Kakashi! He couldn't wait to tell Gai-sensei about it.

"So you came to see me, while you were here?" asked Lee. "That's very considerate of you, Kakashi-sensei."

"Ah," Kakashi smiled, looking up to meet Lee's eyes. "I'm a much nicer guy than people give me credit for."

"Oh, no," Lee said quickly, "Gai-sensei says you're very nice. He has to work very hard to compete with you when it comes to being a nice guy - and you're just as modest as he said!"

Kakashi's face twitched a little, something in his bemused expression making Lee wonder if he had said something wrong. Gai-sensei went on about his rival all the time, and the things he said were always complimentary, even when he had been bested in one of their competitions. Lee idolized that sort of relationship. It was the exact type of rivalry he had always wanted for himself.

"There's a reason I stopped by," Kakashi said, after a moment. "I wanted to see your condition for myself. Your friend, Neji, said it was inoperable."

Lee's stomach twisted in a hot rise of determination and hurt, his eyes glowing fiercely. Kakashi cut him off before he could say a word.

"I don't think it is," Kakashi smiled. "I know someone who could fix you right up, good as new. Maybe better, if you don't mind being prodded a bit while he tries things out. It would be a waste to see you not fulfill your potential."

"Really?" gasped Lee, shock making that knot clench tighter and rise into his throat. "You mean it?"

"Absolutely," Kakashi said, his smile fading until it was soft and sympathetic. "I promise a complete recovery. Shake on it?"

"Of course!" Lee reached his uninjured hand out, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. Just the thought that all of his confidence had proven true made him want to laugh. Kakashi's hand closed around his and he beamed and gave a firm shake.

"You're very trusting," Kakashi murmured in fond approval. "My friend is really going to like you..."

.-.

Naruto was standing a few feet from Ino's parents' flowershop when Kyuubi stirred inside him again. He had rushed to check on Sakura first, because she was always on the move these days, either on her way to see Sasuke or on her way back, or visiting Ino, or buying flowers for Sasuke and Lee. He knew she wasn't at the hospital so he had hurried to catch her en route wherever she was. He didn't know what Kyuubi was talking about, but he believed something was happening. The fox demon had never made a habit of lying to him, or talking to him at all, for that matter.

'Another one is gone,' Kyuubi told him suddenly, in a tone that wasn't quite as cold and unconcerned as the last two times. He was sounding worried now, rumbling in a way that almost came off as more frightened than angry. 'Too close this time. He may be next.'

Naruto flinched away from the flowershop, panic edging over his face. He had spotted Sakura inside, talking angrily with Ino, so he knew it wasn't her. Kyuubi wouldn't tell him details. He wouldn't say which ones of his friends were disappearing. Dying? That was the only thing Naruto could think of. And Kyuubi's cryptic demon thoughts were just turning dead into 'removed from this world'. He couldn't concentrate enough to force a straight answer from the fox. He could barely hold still as it was. That made three of them. Three of his friends were gone and he didn't even know which ones? Who had done it? Who did he had left to try and protect? He didn't even know whether he would be able to protect them. The last two had come within minutes of each other.

'Who!' Naruto demanded, too frantic and upset to sound as angry as he felt. 'Who's gone? Who's next? Tell me where to go! What do I do? What's happening - is someone attacking Konoha? Just tell me!'

'Go to the hospital now,' Kyuubi growled, sharper than before, louder somehow. 'As fast as you can. Use this and let it show to anyone who can sense it. Hesitate and you'll be as alone as I was.'

Naruto shuddered at the sudden rush of chakra Kyuubi shot at him. He didn't stop to question the order. Sasuke was at the hospital. And Lee. If one of them was killed because he had been too slow and embarrassed to bolt through Konoha with Kyuubi's orange chakra blazing around him, he would never be able to live with himself. Any ninja strong enough to hurt one of his friends would definitely feel the chakra he was emitting. They would have to. They would feel him coming and either run away or come to fight him, right? He thought that was the point.

He suddenly wished he had done better in the exam, whatever 'better' would have been considering he had won all his matches. Better. Good enough to have learned to teleport so he could get there in an instant. Because someone was picking his friends off one by one, with no sign of it in the village, no one panicking, no warning at all. Someone was doing it so quickly, so easily, that the last two had disappeared one right after the other. They weren't fighting back, weren't having enough time to fight back. And Kyuubi might not care about the loss of one of Naruto's friends but each one, any one of them, hurt like nothing had in years. He ran along the rooftops, going as fast as he could. And every second that passed he waited for Kyuubi to tell him another of his precious few friends had disappeared from this world.

.-.  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke was two seconds from climbing out the window. He was tired of being confined to a hospital room, a captive audience for Sakura to fawn over, for Ino to come and gawk at, for everyone he had never spoken to of the female gender to peek in at before blushing, squealing, and running away just as quick. Kakashi hadn't visited him. Naruto hadn't visited him. Shikamaru had visited him, though Sasuke wasn't sure why. They weren't friends. He was fairly sure Shikamaru disliked him more than most people his age. He had stopped by once, a few minutes before visiting hours ended. He had stood in the doorway, frowned at him for a while, and then told him to get better quick because his teammates were annoying without him around. If he hadn't left so quick, and if they hadn't been frowning at each other while he was there, Sasuke might have told him that his teammates were always annoying, whether he was around or not.

Sakura was late for her visit today. That was the main reason Sasuke was seriously considering an escape through the window before she showed up. Her interest in him had gone beyond the annoying and into the disturbing. It was the way she watched him, doting, worshiping, blind and shallow. She wasn't a shallow person. He had seen that for himself on the rare occasions when she had shown sympathy for others, for Lee, for Naruto, even for Ino. It was as if he brought out the worst in her, because she only saw the best in him.

He had told her Naruto was the one who had rescued her from Gaara and she hadn't spared more than a moment for surprise before she had gone right back to thanking him for being so worried about her welfare. He didn't have to ask to know she hadn't bothered to thank Naruto. She would never get around to that because as long as he was near her the thought of being grateful to her other teammate would never cross her mind. He couldn't even look down on her for that because he was just as bad. He had never thanked Naruto for anything and never would, no more than Naruto would ever thank him for protecting him from Haku. And that was the primary reason he hated having Sakura visit him. She reminded him of the teammate who hadn't visited, the one who was off getting stronger while he was stuck sitting here, the one who had suddenly entered his sights as an even more challenging opponent than Gaara.

He couldn't even think of that without his world view twisting on itself. It had happened in a matter of days. At the beginning of the exam he had acknowledged Naruto, because he had survived Haku, defeated him somehow, after Sasuke had been convinced he was dying for nothing, protecting someone who wouldn't be able to protect himself after he was gone. But Naruto had survived. So he had marked him at the bottom of his list of adversaries, proven but untested strength. And then Orochimaru had attacked and it was Naruto who had stood up to him. Naruto, the same one who had frozen in fear on that first mission, had jumped right into the fight while Sasuke was busy cowering in the face of their inevitable loss. It was Naruto who had almost single-handedly fought their way out of the forest, Naruto with his seemingly infinite number of bunshin and impossibly fast healing. Naruto, who had somehow summoned a creature Sasuke had only heard about in legends, and then used it to defeat Gaara, who Sasuke had fought and lost to horribly.

Sasuke didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think about Naruto at all. Because that much growth in such a short period of time was impossible to reconcile with the clumsy dobe he had spent months of low rank missions protecting from the stupidest mishaps imaginable. Falling over a waterfall, falling out of a tree, freezing completely at the first encounter with deadly attackers, exerting himself until Sasuke had to support the idiot all the way back to the house they were staying at in Wave. He hadn't misread Naruto's strength when they were teamed together. When had he lost sight of him so much that he had not only caught up to him, but surpassed him completely?

He couldn't let himself think about that because the more he thought about it the more desperate he felt. What had Naruto been doing while Sasuke was learning chidori? Learning to summon Kage level beasts, aparently. What was Naruto doing now while he sat here doing nothing? Practicing his rasengen, according to Sakura, a new attack she had been confident wouldn't compare to his chidori. As if she knew anything about advanced ninjutsu. Naruto had been the worst in their class just a few months ago. If Sasuke could fall behind Naruto so quickly he would never catch up to Itachi, much less surpass him. And every time Sakura sat down beside him - beside the bed where he was stuck after being cursed by someone Naruto had stood up to and exhausting himself by losing to someone Naruto had demolished - he couldn't stop thinking and comparing. He was going to hate her if this continued, to hate the person he turned her into, right when he had finally resigned himself to the fact that his teammates were important to him. Maybe if he got away, rested in his empty apartment just as quietly as he could rest in a hospital room, but without the constant visits reminding him, maybe then he would be able to calm down and not feel as if his time was running out and he had no one to blame but himself.

He would have to sneak away to do that. The doctors had refused to release him, stating the need to monitor the curse mark in case of a relapse. It was humiliating to be forced into sneaking out and he knew they could easily pick him up the moment he got home and bring him right back again. He would fight if they tried to bring him back by force. He wanted to fight. Maybe it was a good thing Naruto was staying away from him. If he saw him now he was afraid he would challenge him and he already knew he would never match someone who had defeated Gaara, mere weeks after he had lost to him. It would be futile, demoralizing, he knew it, and he still wouldn't be able to resist doing it anyway.

He was standing by the open window, glaring, his hands curled into fists at his side, when two taps rang on his door. For a brief moment he considered jumping out. He wanted to. He could stay quiet in the abandoned Uchiha complex and no one from the hospital would be able to track him down. He might have done it, if he hadn't imagined Sakura's face when she entered the room and saw him running away across the yard. Too humiliating.

"Yo," Kakashi greeted, slipping into the room and closing the door behind him. "You weren't thinking about sneaking out that window, were you?"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched and he turned to shoot a resentful look at his teacher. He had finally gotten around to visiting him and that was all he could think of to say to him? He blinked when he caught sight of Kakashi and his eyebrow twitched again. "Why are you dressed like that...?"

.-.

Kiba was relaxing back against a tree, lazily scratching Akamaru's belly while the pup lounged on his back beside him in the grass. They had been training earlier with Hinata, who had been showing an almost scary amount of motivation considering her own cousin had nearly killed her fairly recently. He was still sore from all those jabs she made when she manipulated chakra pathways. He swore the ones to reopen the paths were even more painful than the ones to close them. Seriously scary for such a sweet tempered girl. Akamaru had sat that one out, watching from a distance. Now he whined and enjoyed the tired attention being paid to him. He was the one who noticed the visitor first, snuffling and rolling onto his belly to wag his tail at the familiar man.

Kiba cracked an eye and frowned at Kakashi. All of his muscles felt stiff and achy, so he didn't bother to straighten up. "What brings you out this way?"

"I was looking for Shino," Kakashi smiled.

"Hunh," Kiba sniffed, rolling his eyes. "Good luck with that. His dad's had him on a short leash since he went chasing after that Kankuro guy. That poison he used was some nasty stuff, but I think his dad's more mad that he went off without telling anyone. Figures no one ever told him the quiet ones aren't supposed to do stuff like that."

"He's incapacitated?" asked Kakashi, his smile fading into a frown.

"Nah," Kiba waved, "not anymore. That Nara clan's not to shabby about mixing up antidotes. Took a few days for it to kick in, is all. His dad's probably just got him doing training somewhere on his own. Kurenai-sensei can't handle stuff like that, you know. They're even more closemouthed than the Hyuugas."

Kakashi sighed. "That's a problem. I don't supposed you'd help me find him?"

"You're kidding, right?" Kiba stared.

Akamaru trotted over to Kakashi, who crouched down to pet behind his ear. Kiba scowled at the way his dog's tail thumped happily.

"He's a friendly one," said Kakashi. "Very intelligent."

"Course he is," Kiba sniffed. He leaned forward, sighing at how eager Akamaru was. A few more pets like that and his dog would be conning him into helping the good petter whether he wanted to or not. That was such a low move, getting to him through his dog. "You raise dogs, too, right? That's probably why he likes you."

"Mm," Kakashi smiled, straightening up and watching the little puppy run back to Kiba. "I like dogs. He goes with you everywhere, eh?"

"Inseparable since he was born," Kiba said proudly. "Best friends, great partners. They don't get better than Akamaru. He'll be as big as his sire in no time."

"I believe it," said Kakashi. He walked forward until he was standing directly in front of the boy. "So, you up to helping an old man find some secret training spot?"

"Ah, whatever," Kiba sighed. Akamaru barked encouragement and climbed up to rest in his customary spot on Kiba's head.

Kakashi beamed and reached down to help him up.

.-.

Naruto was almost to the hospital when he found someone standing two feet in front of him. He almost didn't recognize him and he ground to a halt at the last second, his sensei taking a sharp step to the side to keep from being knocked over.

"What's going on?" Kakashi asked sharply. His expression was dark and serious, withholding judgement for the moment.

Naruto was too panicky to wince at that look. He knew what Kakashi was thinking. He had been running with Kyuubi's chakra blazing around him so much that every shinobi in the village ranked chuunin or higher must have felt it. Most of the adults would recognize it, too. But he didn't have time to explain or defend himself.

"I have to get to the hospital," Naruto blurted, standing on his toes and ready to dart off again. "Sasuke and Lee are in trouble - I'll explain later!"

"Naruto," Kakashi said quickly, stepping into his path on the narrow rooftop. "I was with Sasuke when I felt you. He's fine. What are you talking about?"

Naruto choked on a mix of pain and relief. Not Sasuke. It wasn't Sasuke. But that meant...

"And Lee...?" Naruto asked, his voice coming out small.

"I don't know," Kakashi admitted.

"I gotta go!" Naruto blurted, his throat closing up and that panic rushing to burn in his eyes. Kyuubi was a thrum of lashing energy in the pit of his stomach, urging him to forget this talking and run.

Kakashi caught his arm before he made it two steps. Naruto's eyes blazed at him, furious at the complete lack of trust and the precious time being lost. Lee was gone. Sasuke could be next. And Kakashi wanted him to talk? There was no time to talk.

"Think," Kakashi said sharply, his hand curling more firmly over Naruto's arm. "I can get us there faster."

Naruto had just enough time to let out a surprised and relieved breath before Kakashi pulled him a little closer and they both disappeared.

.-.  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi was in a strange mood. He had been getting funny looks all day. Most of that was Gai's fault for changing the rules on him at the last minute. Usually when they had a competition the loser, if it were Gai, had to complete a ridiculous amount of repetitive endurance exercises. If Kakashi were the loser, he had to witness Gai's triumphant posing and listen to him for ten minutes before he could safely leave without being followed. A loss meant he had at least a week before he would be challenged again. A win meant he had a day or two. It was a coin toss as to which was more painful, being challenged often, or having to put up with Gai spreading word of his proud win to everyone he met for a week straight. Kakashi had settled on an even mix of the two. He had never expected Gai to suddenly demand he perform some penance for his loss. Wasn't putting up with him punishment enough?

Obviously not. Gai had won their competition to see who could blind the most birds with a smile. He had won by a very large percentage given that Kakashi had still been standing in place, staring at the insanely enthusiastic man grinning in flashes at the sky over their heads, when Gai had reached whatever number of blinded birds he had set up as the goal for the match. Something was very wrong with the world. Kakashi was sure of it. Gai had problems, yes, quite a few of them, but he had never thought up a competition as disturbing as that. And when he had asked the still grinning man where he had gotten the idea, Gai had laughed boldly and complimented him for being so modest about his wonderfully creative thought process. As if the bizarre competition had been Kakashi's idea to begin with.

Whatever had broken in his one-sided rival's head, it meant Kakashi had spent the better part of the day drawing strange stares from anyone in Konoha who recognized him. Which was everyone over the age of fifteen. He tried to console himself that it could have been worse. Gai had produced clothing for a 'dashing' look that was 'gloriously perfect' for him. At least it wasn't green spandex. Considering the alternative, Kakashi supposed he should have been relieved that 'dashing' translated into nothing more than black and gray, a too loose coat, and clunky awkward shoes. He still wanted to know where the clothing had come from, why Gai had suddenly decided to penalize him for losing, and why he had insisted he remove his hitaiate.

Kakashi hadn't gone along with the last order. He had a lot of patience when it came to Gai, more than most people, but he had to draw the line somewhere. The more people who looked askance at him, the more he wished he had drawn the line at the coat and shoes instead of the forehead protector.

Even the kids were staring at him. He had barely gotten back from the training area Gai had picked for the day when he found himself being pointed at, whispered about, and actually stalked by kids ranging from six to ten years old. Really little kids. Not even genin. The ones accompanied by parents were hushed immediately, a few women blushing and flitting smiling glances at him, one man grimacing and cuffing his boy over the back of the head before dragging him in the other direction. And Konohamaru, the only kid Kakashi actually recognized, since he had been so depressed and sullen since the funeral, was actually stalking him with a pair of scruffy looking sidekicks, all the time bristling and sending him deathglares until he rounded on them and they scattered like clumsy little leaves.

Then there was Asuma, who had passed him on the street, done a double take, and asked if he had already finished with that locked room plan. What did that mean? Kakashi might have considered asking if he hadn't spotted those three kids sneaking in his direction again, very badly hidden by what looked like an upside down cardboard box with rocky camouflage and eye-holes poked in it. That was his breaking point. He had taken to the roofs then with the intention of avoiding populated areas for the rest of the day.

Sakura caught him two rooftops down, huffily demanding whether or not he had finished with Sasuke, because he was going to be expecting her, she should have been there an hour ago, and why did he have to get Shikamaru to help him drag Naruto over there, anyway, when she was more than enough to pound some sense into the idiot, really. She didn't give him a chance to even consider asking for clarification for the bizarre complaint. Kakashi stood blinking slowly at her as she threw her hands up, growled in exasperation, and went off grumbling under her breath about how she should probably go back and get those flowers after all, and how she just knew Ino was overcharging her and that was the only reason she would have told her about that lazy Shikamaru and stupid Naruto, and how did Ino hear about it so quick anyway, yeah people talked, but Ino always ended up hearing everything the second it happened and that just wasn't natural.

It was then that Kakashi realized something really was wrong with the world, or at least, something was really wrong with Konoha. And he had an idea it wasn't Gai's quirky fashion sense to blame for it all. The stares, maybe. Asuma, no. Sakura...yeah, no telling with her. Whatever it was, he wanted it over quickly, as painlessly as possible. He should have known better. Whatever it was, it involved his team. Pain was inevitable.

Despite his thrown state of mind, he reacted the moment he felt Naruto's, or rather, Kyuubi's chakra explode. As strangely as the people he had seen were behaving, he didn't want to imagine the sort of panic that would spread when the villagers recognized that energy. So he didn't knock Naruto out the second he saw him alone, wild, without a single enemy in sight to warrant the chakra he was emitting. He went with his instinct. Something was wrong, the kid was freaking, better to go along with him than to risk a confrontation right above populated streets. He took him to the hospital. And then he stood back and watched the male members of his team greet each other.

It was amusing and disturbing at the same time. That unrestrained energy puttered out the second they arrived in Sasuke's room. Naruto took three running steps toward Sasuke, who flinched and almost cringed back against the open window, and then they both froze and started in on each other as if nothing was weird when, clearly, a lot of things were weird at the moment.

"D-dobe. What the hell's wrong with you?" asked Sasuke. His voice was too loud, his eyes too wide and wary, and he looked like he would have backed up if he hadn't already been standing against the wall.

"Shut up, stupid Sasuke-teme," Naruto sniffed. He stopped advancing, but his arms were still a little too high, his eyes a little too shiny, and his face twisted into a happy scowling mess.

Kakashi coughed on the sudden urge to laugh. Naruto had almost hugged him. Everyone in the room knew it, but the two boys were doing their damnedest to pretend otherwise. He didn't know what was funnier, Sasuke's cornered, horrified expression, or the way Naruto was trying so hard to act like he wasn't relieved to the point of grinning or crying or both at the same time.

"Well," Kakashi drawled, "It's nice to see you two getting along so well."

Naruto jerked and shot him a startled look that turned into a squinty eyed stare. "What's with the outfit...?"

Kakashi felt his face twitch beneath his mask. He ignored the question and gave his student a pointed look. "Naruto, wh-"

Naruto jumped as if he had been pinched. "Oh! Lee! Kakashi-sensei! Something's wrong! Really, wrong - someone's attacking or something and there's three that-"

Kakashi started to cut him off, but Naruto stopped on his own. Stopped as suddenly as he had started. It was as if his throat had closed up and choked the words halfway. He froze, his face turning ashy white, and then he let out a low moaning noise and his expression twisted into one of pure misery.

"T-two," Naruto groaned, in a thick voice, his eyes flying to Kakashi's. "Two! At the same time! Two more - just now! How could it could happen to two of them at once! Who's that's strong...? Kakashi-sensei..."

"Naruto," Kakashi started, seriously worried now. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Maa," an identical voice murmured from the open window, "this is awkward..."

.-.

Kakashi was in a good mood. Things had gone much easier than he had thought they would after his first run in with Iruka that afternoon. It was disturbing to see the wary resentment in those eyes, the almost frigid way Iruka had held himself. As if they weren't even friends, much less lovers. He hadn't planned on that when he had sought the familiar man out. It just seemed natural that his first stop - after leaving a note and clothes for Gai to find - be a visit to Iruka. They were both together in the same place again. If that wasn't a sign of entwined fates, he didn't know what was. True, Iruka hadn't greeted him as familiarly as he would have liked, but he could fix that. The kiss told him it was only a matter of time before they got together. More time than it should have taken, yeah, but still, just a matter of time. He knew for a fact that all Iruka had to do was return that favor and they would be set for life. Fate was funny that way.

The kids were funny, too. He had decided this was the place to harvest his group because he was already here - Iruka, too, which was a nice perk. His guess had proven perfectly accurate, which was only natural given his skill and experience. This place was ripe with young talent. And they all thought they knew him so he didn't even have to try very hard to get them alone with him. Not that there hadn't been a few hiccups along the way.

Shikamaru had managed to not only catch him off guard, but he had actually been forced to negotiate with the kid. That was rather embarrassing. He would have to uphold his end of the bargain, too, or Iruka would lecture him later. Assuming he didn't lecture him the second he went home anyway. But he wasn't going to think too much about that.

Neji had nearly gotten him caught. That was something he should have been expecting from the tense, wary way Iruka had looked at him earlier. Ninjas. Even the young ones could be twitchy and suspicious. Didn't like to be touched, which was unfortunate because it was so much easier to grab and bolt than it was to chase down and tackle in a hospital hallway where anyone might happen to see him. Twitchy suspicious kids were hard to keep hold of, too. Neji had gotten in a few painful kicks that Kakashi was definitely going to feel later. He was more out of shape than he had realized.

But aside from those two, he hadn't encountered any real resistance. The people here weren't the friendliest lot, but they were much better than those Sand guys. He had almost lost an arm grabbing that one. Demons. One more thing he hadn't really planned for, one more thing that worked out better than he had hoped for. He had popped over there as soon as he was done with Lee, tried to surprise Gaara, and nearly had his fingers amputated by the kid's auto-sand-shield-thing. He definitely hadn't planned on that. Luckily for him even paranoid twitchy ninja kids were still just kids underneath it all. Gaara had recognized him, been calm enough to let him drop a few names - Lee, Sasuke, Naruto - and he had calmed a lot more when he heard the last one. Calmed enough so he caught the little marble Kakashi tossed to him. Kids and shiny trinkets. It never failed.

And then he had come for the last two only to find that, who would have guessed, he was already with them. Awkward. Yeah, this was awkward. He had expected to have trouble with the last two, which was why he had saved them for last. Naruto's demon had noticed him earlier. The energy the kid had let off was more than enough to encourage him to flit over and grab Gaara next instead of Sasuke. He had meant what he said to Asuma about those two. Loyalty was very important. Not to mention part of Shikamaru's terms were that he not take one before the other. As if a few minutes apart would matter when they were going to be closer than they liked for the foreseeable future. Really, that genius kid was kind of annoying.

But none of that mattered now. He lifted a hand in greeting and winked at the identical man standing across the room from him with a calm, "Yo."

Naruto flinched and gaped, Sasuke stepped back, and the ninja Kakashi shoved his forehead protector up and off his left eye. At the window, he did the same thing with his blue cloth band. The two sharingan's spun and locked and he smiled widely and stepped into the room.

"I guess the game's up," he sighed, enjoying the way he was staring at himself. "I've come for the children. This one first."

He raised a slow hand in Sasuke's direction, almost grinning when the boy tensed as if he planned to counter rather than avoid. Naruto's reaction was better, probably because of that demon he had. He reminded himself to commend the kid for that later, for not trying to fight something unknown.

"Get back!" Naruto yelled at Sasuke, shoving him away from the Kakashi look-alike. "He can kill you in a second, teme!"

Sasuke glared and started to shove Naruto off, only to wince when the look-alike flicked something in his hand and a hot sensation tightened around his wrist. Naruto froze at the same moment, both of their eyes dropping to the silver metal locking their wrists together.

"Guess you don't have handcuffs here," he smiled at the two boys. "Don't worry, once you get used to working together, I'm sure we can take those off. In the meantime..."

He reappeared in a crouch behind the two stricken boys and dropped his hands on their shoulders before they could do more than flinch. He took one moment to nod at Kakashi before he took them, "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

.-.  
TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Kakashi was alone for nearly a minute before the look-alike came back. During that time he ran a quick comparison in his head. The stranger was thinner than him. The outfit masked that just enough so most people wouldn't notice right away. And the man didn't have a scar to go with his sharingan. Aside from that, he hadn't seen anything to tell him what sort of trick was being used to make someone who looked so much like him. It wasn't an illusion and it wasn't henge. What did that leave?

There was no warning when the look-alike returned, no more than when he had left. Kakashi thought he might have felt a slight displacement in the air, a pop that was felt rather than heard. It definitely wasn't a jutsu. There was no chakra being used. And now that he noticed, he realized he hadn't felt any chakra being used when the man had taken Sasuke and Naruto, either.

"Yo," the look-alike greeted, reappearing in the same place he had been before. He beamed at Kakashi and waved a hand at his side, "I brought a familiar-" He blinked at the empty space beside him and the smile turned into a scowl. "Oi..."

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked, in a very controlled and quiet tone.

"Eh," the man blinked, glancing over for a second. Then he went back to scowling at the empty place. "I'm you, of course. That's a little hard to accept at first, so I brought someone else you'd recognize and doubt less. Only the brat seems to have skipped out on me somewhere. Maa...if he got lost I'll never hear the end of it..."

"What have you done with Naruto and Sasuke?" asked Kakashi.

"I borrowed them," the man said, in that annoyed and distracted tone. "Just give me a minute and I'll explain. He should be here any second now. He's a really good kid. Most of the time..."

Kakashi took a smooth step forward. He was well within killing distance when a loud crack sounded in the room and a dark-haired teen appeared right in front of him. The kid immediately stumbled into him and Kakashi caught his arms to keep him from falling face first.

"Ah!" the boy cried, in a light embarrassed tenor. "I'm sorry! I haven't had much experience with dimension hopping so I got a little lost. Did you wait long, Kaka-" And he glanced up, blinked at Kakashi, looked over at the look-alike, and blinked again. "Kakashi-sensei...? You didn't do anything bad, did you...?"

Kakashi recognized the boy instantly. How could he not? He looked exactly the same as he had the last time Kakashi had seen him. The long dark hair, the doe eyes, the blatant innocence on his too effeminate face. The only thing missing was the blood. Kakashi released him and took a sharp step back to put more distance between them.

"What is this?" asked Kakashi.

"You know him, right?" the look-alike smiled. "I thought things would go smoother if I brought along someone who isn't you." He patted a hand on the boy's shoulder, earning him a worried look. "Haku, this is the Kakashi in this dimension. You're so trustworthy, I thought you'd be a good choice to tell him about the school. I've borrowed some of their children and they're a bit upset about it."

"...I see," Haku said slowly. He ventured a glance at the other Kakashi, who was staring at him as if he were something horrible. "Ah, Kakashi-sensei," he murmured to the look-alike, "are you sure I'm here, too?"

"You should be," the man frowned. He tilted his head at Kakashi. "You do know him, right?"

"I killed him," said Kakashi.

Haku flinched, his eyes turning cold. "Why?"

"Really," the look-alike winced. "What's wrong with you? Iruka acts like we're not even friends, so I know you've never so much as hit on him. You've got students who are clearly suffering from unresolved sexual tension and you haven't even tried locking them in a room together. And you killed Haku? I knew there was something wrong with this dimension. I'm starting to think it's you."

"Kakashi-sensei," Haku said quietly, "I'm sure you...that is, he...wouldn't have done something like that without good cause."

"See?" the look-alike glowered at Kakashi. "You killed the kid and he's still defending you. They don't make kids as tolerable as this one. There has to be something very wrong with you. Is it the ninja thing? Too much celibacy affecting your brain? You know, a little dolphin porn will fix that right up. Honestly, it's embarrassing to see a version of me as messed up as this."

Kakashi opened his mouth. He stood with it open for nearly a minute. Nothing came out.

"Let me tell him about the school," Haku said to the look-alike.

"Why are you so nice?" the man sighed. "He killed you in this dimension."

"That's why you brought me here," Haku shrugged. He turned back to Kakashi, his expression cool and impersonal. "We're from a dimension where magic is used. Among other things, this magic allows us to travel between worlds, times, and dimensions. My own world is different from the one Kakashi-sensei is from. In my world people with magical potential live in hiding, unable to tap or even understand their own strength for fear of being hunted and exterminated. Kakashi-sensei's school is a haven for such people. The professors there are from a variety of worlds, with a combined pool of knowledge that can tap and make the most of any inborn talent. That's where your children are."

He turned to the look-alike, his lips twitching into a frown, "Did you kidnap them?"

"Borrowed," the man frowned back. "I borrowed them. He'll get them back."

"...I see," Haku sighed. He turned back to Kakashi, looking regretful and a tad guilty. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'm sure Kakashi-sensei would not have taken students from this dimension if they didn't show a great deal of potential. They'll return much better for the experience."

"When?" Kakashi asked sharply. He blinked when he realized his mouth was working again. "You can't just take them and expect us not to fight back. This is-"

"Maa," the look-alike drawled. "I'm not asking permission. You'll be grateful in the long run, anyway. The reason this realm was on our travel list is because there have already been travelers crossing from this dimension. Maybe you've met them. There has to be more to the ninja thing than just killing tolerable kids like Haku, here. A group of quiet guys, like to wear red and black robes, go around sticking their noses where they don't belong and killing people? I hear at least one of them is a pedophile, if that helps."

Kakashi flinched. "Akatsuki."

"That's the one!" He beamed at Kakashi. "There are some aurors back home who've been meaning to have a talk with those guys. I expect they'll be disappointed when they find out I took two of their demons. I can drop by and talk with them myself, if it'll make you feel better. Let em know there's no reason to bother this town of yours for a while? I don't mind doing some favors in return for getting such a nice group of students."

"You need to speak to the Hokage," Kakashi said suddenly.

"Ah, no," the look-alike grimaced. "Don't tell me you're not in charge. Celibate, a kid killer, and you're not even in charge of the place? You're in dire need of tips on how to be a better me. This is humiliating..."

Kakashi glared and might have responded with something scathing if a third person hadn't joined the two strangers. This one came as silently as the doppelganger and was just as familiar. Kakashi barely flinched at the sight of yet another ghost. At least he hadn't killed this one.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" the man growled, grabbing the look-alike Kakashi by the throat and shaking him like a rag doll. "He's not old enough to apparate, let alone hop dimensions, and you damn well know it! He could have been splinched!"

Haku jumped and stopped just short of laying a hand on the furious man's arm. "Zabusa-san! Please don't kill Kakashi-sensei. I agreed to help him, and the school won't function if you kill the headmaster..."

"Ch, like one of the others couldn't replace him," Zabusa scoffed. "Lazy bastard." He dropped his burden and snapped a glare on Haku. "Don't agree to 'help' him again. You work for me."

Haku beamed and didn't so much as flinch when a heavy hand closed over the back of his neck. Zabusa flashed one more glare at the look-alike.

"A clean death's too good for you," Zabusa said, with a twisted smile. "I'll have a talk with Iruka instead."

The angry man disappeared silently, an obedient Haku in tow. A panicky look spread over the mask-wearing man who was left behind.

"Maa," he sighed, flashing a reluctant look at Kakashi. "I don't think I'll be going home for a while. Might as well go talk to this leader of yours. I suddenly have a great deal of time on my hands..."

.-.  
TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto and Sasuke were not happy. They had been transported to a dark six by six room and left there. The Kakashi look-alike had taken a moment to tell them to 'follow the instructions to get out' and to 'try not to kill each other' because the purpose of the lesson was to 'have fun' with their 'male bonding.' Naturally the volatile pair had whipped around in unison, intent to attack and maim. The man was already gone by the time they struck the floor, tangled by the chain binding them together.

The first logical step would be to investigate their prison, find out where they were and how they could make an escape as quickly as possible. In this case, logic took a back seat to the fact that there was only three inches of chain separating Naruto's right wrist from Sasuke's left wrist. Naruto immediately started attacking the chain with a kunai while Sasuke tried to restrain himself from using a chidori that would probably have taken off Naruto's arm along with the chain.

"What's this thing made of?" Naruto groaned.

He sent a panicky look from his chipped weapon to the flawless chain links. Already he could hear the faint chirping of birds, tiny flickers of silver reflecting off the dark metal chain. He sent a harried look at Sasuke, whose face was a pale shadow in the dark cell.

"Just wait," Naruto scowled. "Is chidori the only thing you can think of?"

"You have a better idea?" demanded Sasuke. They were crouched with their arms out and the chain taut to put as much space between them as possible. They were still close enough for him to see that Naruto's efforts were doing nothing besides ruining his kunai.

"Yeah I got a better idea," Naruto glowered. "Why don't you try helping me. It's not like I'm left-handed, you know!"

Sasuke glared more and stuck his right hand out. Naruto jerked back in surprise, nearly pulling Sasuke over on top of him.

"What the hell's wrong with you!" Sasuke snapped, with a rough jerk on their locked arms to remind the dobe why they had been sitting so still to begin with.

"Me?" Naruto blurted. "You're the one trying to grab me!"

Sasuke glared and put his hand out again, slower this time. "If you want me to help, give me a weapon," he said scathingly. "Dobe."

Naruto bristled, more annoyed by the tone than the order. "Use your own. What, you don't have a kunai?"

"I don't have shoes."

Sasuke twitched when Naruto blinked and stared down at his bare feet. He twitched again when Naruto snorted and made a comment about how his feet looked awfully cold. They were. He would rather not be reminded of it. If he had known he was going to be abducted from the hospital, he would have equipped himself for the trip.

"Stop staring at my feet," Sasuke bit out.

"I can't help it!" Naruto blurted, staring at the pale objects in question with a disgusted sort of fascination. "You've got finger-toes. I don't think I've ever seen those up close before..."

"That's it," Sasuke snapped. He shot up and grabbed his left arm with his right hand. Naruto scrambled to his feet and leaned as far away as possible. The sudden rush of electrical chirps drowned out the blonde's protests. Naruto healed fast, anyway. A little dismemberment wouldn't kill him. Probably. The tight link circling his wrist was just starting to sizzle when a sudden tug had him overbalancing. He hopped twice to keep from falling over.

"Cut that out," Naruto scowled. "That's a last resort. Last. As in only after we've tried everything else. Got it? Besides, if you're gonna use that, at least have a clone do it. Like this."

He started to do a kage bunshin and glowered when Sasuke's rigid arm kept his right hand from rising higher than an inch. There was no way he could do the hand movements like that. "It won't kill you to cooperate."

"Says you," Sasuke grimaced. He grudgingly stepped close enough for Naruto to finish his hand seals.

"Okay!" Naruto grinned. He waved Sasuke back so the chain was exposed and tight between them. His clones formed a nice rasengen, which should have at least startled Sasuke but didn't of course because Sasuke was an asshole like that. He and Sasuke turned their faces away when the pair rushed the chain. Instead of the rough impact they had braced themselves for, they heard duplicate poofing sounds. Naruto gaped at the bit of white smoke rising up over the chain. His clones had been dispelled the moment they touched it.

"What is this thing!" Naruto cried in frustration. He waved his arm up and down so the chain rattled. A very sharp pull from Sasuke's end had him stumbling to attention.

"Don't do that again," Sasuke snapped, referring to the juvenile arm-waving that he had just unwittingly taken part in. "Do you have any other ideas?"

Naruto scowled back at him and went to fold his arms over his chest. His right arm rose four inches, pulling Sasuke's along with it, before he realized how awkward that would be. He let his arms drop and pointedly ignored the 'I'm chained to a dobe' stare Sasuke was giving him.

"Fine," Naruto scoffed, "whatever. Electrocute us both, if that's the best you can do. Just do it quick."

Sasuke ignored the mocking tone and focused on his left arm again. The chidori sparked silvery glints over the wall closest to him, highlighting what looked like murals of some sort. He ignored that, too. The more chakra he channeled into his arm, the tighter that silver link closed over his wrist. Naruto made a hissing noise beside him, grimacing at whatever currents were flowing through the chain. Then there was a bluish flash and Sasuke dropped as if his legs had been cut off at the knee. It wasn't until he saw Naruto's face right in front of his that he realized the last few minutes were a blank from the sudden backlash. And Naruto was rambling worriedly at him. Sasuke gave a weak glare in response.

"At least that mark's crawling down again," Naruto was saying, frowning at the left side of Sasuke's face. "I knew that was a bad idea. I mean, you were in the hospital a really long time, so you probably aren't supposed to do any jutsu, anyway. And if my clones can't even touch the thing, you know it's gotta be shielded by some kind of seal or something. Not that it really hurt, you know? It was more like running into a wall. Hard to breathe for a second there, right? It's not like you actually passed out or anything, you just stopped blinking. Or moving and breathing..."

"Shut up," Sasuke muttered crossly.

Naruto blinked and snorted in amusement. "I knew it. That just knocked you for a loop, eh? Asshole."

Sasuke pushed himself up, resisting the urge to rub a hand on his shoulder where the cursed seal was throbbing nastily. His head felt thick, as if he had used up most of his chakra instead of just a small burst. Whatever was shielding that chain, it seemed as immune to 'inside' attacks as it was to outside ones. And it was 'whatever' because he had gotten a good look at the restraints with his sharingan and there wasn't the slightest hint of chakra in the metal.

"We should focus on getting out of here," said Sasuke. "We can worry about the chain later."

Naruto rolled his eyes. As if Sasuke hadn't been just as eager to get the thing off as he had been. He turned his attention on the empty cell. It was as doorless as it had been a few minutes ago. The only thing in the place was a small unlit torch set into the corner at eye level. Naruto took two steps toward it and growled in annoyance. Stupid taut chain. Stupid stubborn Sasuke.

"How about you walk over there with me so we can get some light to see by," Naruto said, shooting a frustrated grin over his shoulder.

Sasuke passed him without so much as a glance. The torch lit the moment he touched it. He didn't know what to make of that. He started walking around the confines of the room. Naruto glowered and followed a step behind and to the left of him. They circled the square room three times before Sasuke finally came to a stop in the front left corner of the room. The odd sparkly gray-blue rock wall here was cracked in what might have been a doorway. Might have been, if not for the complete lack of hinges. Aside from that one piece of wall, the room was seamless. And decorated with painted murals.

The illustrations captured Naruto's attention more strongly than the possible doorway had. "I swear I've seen that one before," he muttered suspiciously, pointing at the large painting to their right. "In one of Jiraiya's books."

Sasuke gave him a sidelong look. Did Jiraiya read the same books as Kakashi? Sasuke hadn't been aware Icha Icha even had illustrations. He had assumed they were novels. Had Naruto begun reading those books himself? That thought was more disturbing than he cared to admit. He reluctantly glanced over the painting. It was poorly done. The scantily clad woman's legs were almost three times as long as her torso, and the man's hands were bigger than her head. The theme of the illustration was the same as all the others in the room. The man was kissing the woman and petting her hair. What little clothing they had on could have been from Konoha, but Sasuke doubted anyone from their village had taken up prison painting in his spare time.

"What's your point?" asked Sasuke. He was more interested in figuring out how the door worked than appreciating the would-be pornographic decor of the place.

"Think about it," Naruto muttered, still squinting at that one illustration. "That guy looked like Kakashi and he brought us to a place covered in stuff right out of Kakashi's books. It's gotta mean something."

"All it means is our captor did his research when he picked Kakashi as his cover," Sasuke said absently. He motioned for Naruto to step back. "See if your clones fair better against this door than they did the chain."

Naruto glanced over and smirked. Sasuke wasn't so much as looking at him. Of course he had to ask him to do it. Sasuke probably couldn't even do a heavy fire jutsu right now without that creepy mark crawling over half his face. Which wasn't really something Naruto wanted to see again so soon after the last time. He stopped smirking and formed the hand seals for another kage bunshin. He didn't bother with a rasengen this time. The moment one of his clones touched the surface of that door it poofed into smoke. He went ahead and further tested that little theory by having the other clone try touching the chain with the same results.

"Definitely a seal," Sasuke sighed, glaring at the door. He had activated the sharingan just long enough to see what happened when Naruto's clones made contact with the surface. Nothing. No conflicting chakra, no signs of whatever was repelling the clones. Not even one of those pale blue flashes.

"I'll try rasengen on it," Naruto scowled. "Can't hurt to try, even if it probably won't work."

Sasuke nodded and moved with him back toward the center of the room. This time there was a definite spark and resistance, the spinning ball of chakra hitting the door long before the clones made contact. And the clones didn't just poof out peacefully. Naruto reeled the second they were destroyed. Sasuke's stance on the other side of the chain was the only thing keeping him from being thrown halfway across the room.

"It's like being rebounded," Naruto blurted. He winced and straightened up again, his head all fuzzy and numb. "Like getting hit by a really hard wind out of nowhere."

"It's not chakra," Sasuke said slowly. His sharingan was activated again. The cursed seal didn't seem to mind this time. "There's some kind of energy protecting it, shielding it, but it's not chakra. As long as it's energy, we should be able to overpower or cut through it."

Naruto grimaced, shooting him a sharp look. "You're not thinking of trying the chidori again, are you? I swear, if you pass out this time - even if it gets the door open - I'm not gonna carry you. I'll just drag you behind me by this chain."

"Idiot," Sasuke muttered. If he did pass out, he would much rather be dragged than carried. Especially by Naruto. "Instead of using clones, do that attack yourself. I'll do chidori at the same time. We use our right and left hands and aim at the door simultaneously. If it's not enough, nothing we try will be. If nothing else, maybe the combined chakra will break through the chain."

Naruto complied, doing his best not to pay attention to the fact that he could still feel the chidori through that chain. It was like sticking his arm into a pool full of icy little needles. Really difficult to concentrate. It got worse when he spotted those telltale black and red squiggly marks out of the corner of his eye. They were crawling right up the side of Sasuke's face. He maintained the rasengen in his hand, dispelled the clones he had used to help him form it, and grimaced a little.

"Um, Sasuke..."

"Ignore it," Sasuke said tightly. The cuff was already starting to tighten around his wrist, ready to break his jutsu as sharply as it had before. They would have to attack before that happened. "Ready?"

"Yeah," said Naruto, "okay. Ready."

They attacked together, one of those rare displays that proved they were capable of teamwork, however much they disliked having to resort to it. Their attacks were met with instant resistance. And a strange thing happened to the 'door'. The surface wavered as if it were made of water, pale blue and gray and smaller silvery bits sparkling beneath the surface. Then it exploded.

Naruto woke up first. He assumed he had been asleep because he didn't remember landing on the other side of the room. His right shoulder had a loose, grating, and painfully liquid feel to it. He had hit the wall with it and his body couldn't exactly heal itself when one of the joints wasn't in the socket like it was supposed to be. There was blood in his mouth, and the right side of his face felt numb and sticky.

He rocked toward his knees, trying to get up without moving his arm too much. Sasuke was crumpled beside him. The marks were gone from his face, replaced by a heavy trail of blood that was already starting to thicken and darken. They had definitely been out for a while. Sasuke grimaced and shifted when Naruto's movements pulled their linked arms.

"Still alive?" Naruto muttered. He grimaced at the blood in his mouth. He must have bitten his tongue or something. The cut had already healed. It was his arm that he had to worry about. "I dislocated my shoulder," he told Sasuke, in a conversational tone. "How about you?"

Sasuke grunted and rolled so his legs were bent under him. He remained that way, curled forward with his forehead resting on his right arm. Clearly he wasn't interested in talking at the moment. Naruto sighed and winced at his arm again.

"I'm going to have to get up to fix it," Naruto continued. "Push it back into the socket or something. So if you got any broken bones, you might as well tell me before I start jarring you and making them worse."

Sasuke muttered something that was too long to be a simple 'dobe.' Naruto figured it was an 'usuratonkachi.' Those were typically reserved for occasions where Sasuke thought he was being more idiotic than usual. Naruto rolled his eyes. Then he winced because the eye roll had hurt.

"I must have hit my head pretty hard, too," Naruto grimaced. He ran his left hand over his numb cheek. It came away with sticky drying blood all over it. "Yep, definitely hit it. I wonder how hard that fucking thing threw us..."

Sasuke groaned and muttered louder this time. "Shut up, usuratonkachi. Just shut up for a minute."

Naruto glowered down at him. He did stop talking, though. He wiped his sticky hand on his pants and started tentatively prodding his shoulder. It was creepy. He could feel the hollow where it should have been connected. Wasn't that supposed to hurt more? He could still feel his arm. He could move his fingers too, but it was weird, numb and slow. The fact that it didn't hurt more was starting to make his stomach churn. He turned a nasty glare on the door. So much for busting their way out. The thing didn't have so much as a scratch on it.

That was when he noticed the torch was still as bright as it had been earlier. He turned to mention that to Sasuke - particularly the fact that the thing wasn't giving off any smoke, since they would have noticed that in this seemingly air tight little room. He blinked when he found Sasuke glowering at him. There really was a lot of blood on the left side of his face, more matting in the hair near his temple. And his left arm was almost black with bruises from his wrist to his elbow.

"You look like shit," Naruto winced.

"You're one to talk," Sasuke muttered. "Is your shoulder really dislocated?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Sasuke sighed. He pushed himself up slowly, careful not to shift their linked arms. "You hit the wall first," he admitted, in a grudging, almost resentful tone. "You're lucky your shoulder took most of the impact. It sounded like a bone being snapped in half."

"I don't even remember getting thrown," Naruto admitted sheepishly. "Last thing I remember is thinking the door looked like it was an illusion, watery, not solid anymore."

"Mm," Sasuke nodded, slowly, since his head was pounding fit to explode. "This will hurt," he said by way of warning. He immediately took hold of Naruto's wrist and shoulder and jerked one second before shoving him back hard enough to make his head snap against the wall.

"Shit!" Naruto cried out, rubbing his abused head. "You're supposed to knock me out before you do it, not during!"

"Sorry," said Sasuke. His bland tone didn't sound the least bit sorry. He released his hold and frowned at Naruto's shoulder. "Better?"

"Eh?" Naruto scowled. He was too distracted by the ringing in his ears to realize what Sasuke was talking about at first. A jab on his aching shoulder reminded him. He swatted Sasuke's hand away with a glower. "Yeah, better, thanks a lot. Stop touching it."

Sasuke sunk back on his knees. He prodded lightly at the matted hair on the left side of his head. The cut was crusting over with too much swelling to tell if the bone was cracked beneath it. He would assume it wasn't. He didn't feel like he had suffered brain damage. Naruto was still as annoying as ever. A brain damaged person would probably enjoy that. He grimaced at his hand and sent a slow look at Naruto.

"Do you have any bandages?" he asked. "Rags?"

"No," Naruto frowned. He looked at the dark stain he'd made wiping blood on his pants. No way would he have done that if he'd had rags handy.

"Your jacket, then," said Sasuke.

Naruto's head snapped up so fast he groaned at the throbbing pain, mentally smacking himself even as he glared at Sasuke. "No way are you cutting up my jacket for bandages. They don't even make these anymore! Do you know how long I've had this jacket?"

"Way too long," Sasuke grimaced. "And of course they don't make them anymore. You're the only one stupid enough to wear one."

"Whatever," Naruto glared. "It's mine and I like it. You want to cut something up, use your-" He looked at Sasuke, who had nothing but the shirt and shorts he had been wearing at the hospital, and his forehead protector, which was hanging loose around his neck, the cloth frayed and stained with blood. He promptly closed his mouth, a dash of guilt mixing with his annoyance.

"Well," sighed Naruto, "I do have a t-shirt you could use. It'd be easier to cut up, anyway." And no amount of guilt and sympathy was going to make him mutilate his jacket. Finding orange clothing was next to impossible. Finding orange clothing that actually fit him was impossible. He was wearing the only set he hadn't outgrown in the last two years.

"Forget it," Sasuke said, rolling his eyes tiredly. "We don't have any water, anyway. I take it that's already healed?" He waved at Naruto's head.

Naruto blinked in surprise. He had only really started noticing how quickly he healed recently. He hadn't realized Sasuke knew about it, too. He ran a hand over his face. Still sticky and gross with blood, and his cheek felt tender and more numb than anything, as if the skin were newly grown. Oh, there was a thought. Maybe that was how he had gotten so much blood in his mouth. He grimaced and squirmed as his stomach flipped over.

"Mostly," Naruto admitted, not looking at Sasuke. "Feels like I got half my face rubbed off or something. I had blood in my mouth when I came to..."

"That was me."

Naruto whipped around in surprise. Now Sasuke was the one not looking at him. "What do you mean it was you?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"It was either the chakra or chidori," Sasuke admitted darkly. He didn't mention that the chakra in question had come more from the curse mark than him by then. "I got knocked into you when we were thrown back, before we hit the wall. Think of a cheese grater. You're lucky you didn't lose an eye."

"Shit!" Naruto gaped. So much for him feeling guilty. Then again, once his healing kicked in he wouldn't have a mark on him, while Sasuke would still be bruised and bloody. It evened out. And it wasn't like he had done it on purpose. Right? Yeah, even Sasuke wouldn't go mutilating him just for the hell of it. At least not when they were actually trying to work together for once. Naruto shrugged and tried not to imagine what his face must have looked like. Cheese grater. Yeah. He didn't want to think about that.

"Whatever," Naruto sighed, waving a hand. "At least we know better than to try busting our way out of here now. Force is no good. But that door definitely looked like it wasn't solid for a second there. So there's gotta be a way to get it open. A trick, maybe. Like the way that torch is still burning as much as ever without letting out any smoke. And there's no ventilation in here but we aren't running out of air."

Sasuke blinked at those astute observations. Sometimes Naruto surprised him. He was glad it didn't happen too often. Just the thought that Naruto had noticed things he had missed made his head hurt. He must have cracked it harder than he had thought.

"A trick," Sasuke murmured, looking around the room. "That guy did say to 'follow the instructions' to get out. So instead of a prison, maybe this is just...a distraction. A way to slow us down and keep us occupied."

"But there aren't any instructions here," Naruto scowled. He wanted to start circling the room again, just so he wouldn't feel so restless. There was no point walking around. They had already done that and there wasn't anything to see but the torch and the door.

"And the perverted paintings," Naruto muttered quietly.

Sasuke stiffened and leaned forward suddenly. He prodded impatiently when Naruto was slow to follow. "Get up. Move to the center of the room, dobe."

"Stop calling me that, teme," Naruto scowled. He got up and moved, anyway. "What did you find out?"

Sasuke turned a dark sneer on Naruto, directing his attention to that one illustration the boy had pointed out earlier. "What's the theme here? He picked Kakashi to mimic. What 'instructions' would these paintings have if Kakashi were the one who had arranged them like this?"

"Um," Naruto frowned. The one with the half naked guy and girl was easy. He could swear it was taken right off the cover of an Icha Icha novel. The one to the right featured the same thing, all the way down to the way they were petting each other's hair. The only difference from the first was that this one featured two women, and they had a lot more clothes on. The one to the left featured two guys, same pose, also more modestly dressed. And behind them was a group shot of all three couples, copied right from their individual murals and put onto a fire-lit background. What was the theme? Naruto gave a slow look around the room and then raised an eyebrow at Sasuke. "Masturbation?"

Sasuke twitched, looking exasperated and a little disturbed. Maybe Naruto really had begun reading those books. "Kissing, usuratonkachi."

"Oh," Naruto blinked. He looked around the room again. "Yeah, that's what they're all doing. So what does that have to do with the door?"

"Look at the torch," Sasuke told him. "The floor right in front of it."

Naruto turned, squinting at the shadowy floor. The torch cast golden brown shadows on the surface - the same gray-blue rock the entire cell was made out of. But there was something smoother about the spot right in front of the corner. A circular patch that looked more worn than the rest of the floor. Naturally Sasuke would spot that. Even though Naruto was the one who had noticed how weird the torch was in the first place.

He looked from that curious spot to Sasuke. He wanted to put it together before the jerk explained it to him in that condescending way he had. It was a way to get the door open. It had to do with that spot on the floor and the illustrations on the walls. They were instructions to follow in order to get out of the room. The theme was kissing. And that spot on the floor. To get out. Naruto blinked. One more clue. Sasuke was looking as if he had just bitten into something sour that he had been force fed by someone he had nothing but contempt for.

"No way," Naruto said slowly, his face twitching oddly as if he wanted to grin and grimace at the same time. "And you actually want to try that? You're that convinced it'll work?"

"I don't want to," Sasuke snapped, bristling and leaning as far away as the chain allowed. "And, yes, I'm convinced it will work. Do you honestly think I'd even consider trying it if I wasn't?"

"I don't know," Naruto drawled, enjoying the hell out of Sasuke's expression. "Maybe you got a liking for the taste last time. It has been a while, eh?"

Sasuke made a sputtering sound. Then he lunged. Naruto jumped back and caught his fist before he could get clobbered or knocked over.

"Hey!" Naruto blurted, still grinning. "No hitting! That's not in the instructions. And we're already banged up enough as it is." Besides that, Sasuke's head must have still hurt because he wasn't nearly as deadly as usual, despite the absolute rage and disgust on his face.

"Ramen," Sasuke growled through his teeth. "First thing in the morning and you tasted like ramen. It took me an hour to wash that out of my mouth."

"Yeah?" Naruto glared back. "Well at least I tasted like something. What, do you just skip breakfast? All you tasted like was...Sasuke-mouth. Almost made my poor delicious ramen come right back up."

They glared at each other, alternately growling a little. Naruto was the first to notice how close together they were standing. Close enough that they could have followed the 'instructions' and been out of the room already. Last time had been pretty quick, albeit extremely disturbing. He'd had a lot more to complain about than Sasuke, too, since he'd had to deal with the girls attacking him on top of the weird Sasuke-taste in his mouth. It was bound to be quicker and less painful in an empty cell.

"Let's just do it," Naruto glowered. "Come on, teme. You can be happy, too, because I haven't had any ramen all day. I've been broke as hell without any missions lately. If I taste like anything, it'll be blood. And that's your fault, anyway."

Sasuke glared back, walking over to stand in the smooth circular patch. He growled when Naruto made to mimic the people in the murals. "Wait till I fix my forehead protector."

"Why?" Naruto blinked. Not that he had a problem with Sasuke wanting to fix it. That comment just made him sound like a girl worrying about her appearance. They weren't exactly doing this because they wanted to, right?

"Because," Sasuke said, slowly, condescendingly, with a tone of usuratonkachi that remained unspoken. "If we're going to mimic the illustrations we have to touch each other's hair." He tightened the forehead protector, grimacing a little when it pulled snug over the swelling on his left side. "You touch this wound and I'll probably bite your tongue off. Blood is one thing. If I swallow a part of you I'll kill myself."

"B-bastard," Naruto gaped. He suddenly wanted to burst out laughing at Sasuke's expression. But the threat Sasuke had just made against his poor innocent tongue was too disturbing. It made him think of something else. Yeah, maybe he had been spending too much time with Ero-sennin. "Just - just shut up so we can get this over with."

Sasuke stepped forward and lifted his arms, his right hand going into Naruto's hair, his left to his shoulder. Naruto did the mirror opposite, surprised to notice how the chain was just long enough to allow that. Now came the kissing. Sasuke twitched. Naruto grimaced. They were glaring at each other as they inched their faces closer together. None of the people in the murals had been glaring. What if they had to look like they were enjoying themselves? All of the people in the illustrations had their eyes closed, too.

Naruto froze, his face so close that Sasuke felt his breath and twitched again.

"Hey," Naruto muttered. "Close your eyes."

"Why?" Sasuke snapped.

"Because all the people in the pictures have theirs closed," Naruto scowled. "I'm closing mine, too."

Sasuke continued to stare at him, unwilling to close his first. Naruto growled and closed his own eyes. A few seconds later he peeked. Sasuke's eyes were closed. His brows were still drawn, but he didn't look nearly as bad with his eyes closed. At least they wouldn't be staring in shock at each other like last time.

Naruto closed his eyes and leaned forward. Lips. Okay. He remembered this a lot more clearly than he liked to admit. The only difference was their mouths were closed this time. He had seen enough kissing in real life, and illustrations, to know when tongues were involved. He squirmed and opened his mouth. Sasuke did not do the same. Asshole. This was his idea in the first place. What, did Sasuke expect him to do all the work again? It wasn't like he had a clumsy classmate to shove him from behind this time. He pressed forward a little harder and Sasuke twitched. Then he opened his mouth.

Blood. Sasuke was glad to note that Naruto hadn't been lying about that. He didn't like the taste of blood any more than ramen, but at least blood was neutral. He hadn't been able to eat ramen since that kiss without remembering that ramen was the flavor of Naruto. A very disturbing thought. He had sworn off ramen every since. Still, even with the neutral taste, there was still the wet tongue touching his. And this time he didn't have the shock factor to keep his mouth from snapping shut. He twitched again. How long did they have to do this? And was it just his imagination or was Naruto standing closer to him now? The couples in the illustrations hadn't been touching each other this much. He could feel Naruto's pants against his bare legs. That had to be closer than necessary. He swore, if that dobe was-

A whooshing sound came from behind them. Naruto and Sasuke sprang apart immediately. The chain caught them in the middle of their opposing lunges and tugged them back so they almost fell right back into a kiss as accidental as their first one. They caught themselves just in time to prevent that. Then they were gagging and spitting and sending hateful glares at the now open door. Whoever that Kakashi-impersonator was, he had a lot of pain coming his way. Soon.

.-.  
TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: boys kissing, bits of NaruSasu, GaaraSasu, and GaaraNaru (sort of)

There was a wall directly outside the door with an unlit removable torch in the corner, and a narrow path leading to the left. The torch lit itself the moment Sasuke lifted it. The walls of the tunnel were the same bluish gray rock like substance as the room. Naruto grimaced at the gloom. The torch didn't light more than three feet in front and behind them.

"We're underground?" asked Naruto. It didn't smell like it. There was nothing earthy or dusty in the air. But it was cooler in the tunnel-hall than it had been in the room. He glanced back and jumped. "We won't be going back in there."

Sasuke turned as well. The wall where the door had been was now solid stone. There weren't even crevices outlining the doorway. They were now standing in the corner of a dead end tunnel three feet wide that led only in one direction. He lifted the torch over their heads to illuminate the ceiling. A mere two feet above their heads, as seamless as if the tunnel had been carved out of solid rock.

"First time I've been glad not to be taller," Naruto muttered. He eyed that low ceiling. The room had been just as small, but it hadn't seemed nearly as claustrophobic as this narrow little tunnel.

"Let's go," said Sasuke. It was more of a warning than an invitation. He started down the hall, the chain forcing Naruto to follow along.

The tunnel bent sharply to the left again, into a very short hall, before arching a ways and ending in a sharp right hand turn. They followed it straight for a few steps. Then they stopped at an intersection. Sasuke moved the torch so it lit the path leading to the right, and then the one that continued straight. There were no footprints, no displaced dust, nothing to tell which direction was used most often. Naruto jerked on his arm suddenly.

"We go right," said Naruto. "Put your hand on the right wall and follow it out."

Sasuke gave him a skeptical stare. "Where did you hear that?"

"Everyone knows that," Naruto scoffed. "If you're lost in the woods you go straight, if you're lost in a maze you go right. It's common sense."

Going right repeatedly sounded like a very good way to go in circles. Sasuke would have pointed that out, but it probably wasn't worth the effort. His head hurt and arguing with Naruto was a waste of breath. He sent one more look at the straight path and raised his right hand.

"Kunai," said Sasuke. "I'll see if we can mark the stone in case we get turned around and forget which way we came when we double back."

"We're not gonna double back," Naruto scowled. He handed his chipped kunai over, anyway. He was curious to see if it could actually make a mark on the stone out here any better than it had the chain earlier.

Sasuke took one step into the straight path and scraped the kunai across the wall. The metal sparked silver glints over the stone. The scratched arrow was spiderweb thin, but clearly visible if they were looking for it. He turned back and made another mark on the right path, an x this time. They probably wouldn't end up going in a circle considering they had started out at a dead end. He did it just in case.

"Happy now?" Naruto taunted impatiently. "I'm telling you, we're not gonna double back. And if we do, I'll just start using a bunshin to check for dead ends."

Why hadn't he thought of that? Sasuke frowned, wondering exactly how hard he had hit his head earlier. "Do that now. Send one down each path. There may be traps in here." And far better to have a bunshin set one off than to walk into it themselves.

Naruto didn't fail to notice that Sasuke made no attempt to create a clone himself. His feeling of superiority poofed out as quickly as the bunshin he created. He tensed, tried again, and again, and still couldn't get one to materialize fully before it poofed. He bristled in embarrassment, "Shut up! You try it, if you think you can do better!"

"I didn't say anything," Sasuke remarked blandly. "And there's no point in my trying." If Naruto's kage bunshin couldn't maintain its form, then his own clones wouldn't fair any better. Something was preventing it. So they would be forced to explore themselves? That certainly supported the idea of this being a distraction to waste their time and energy.

Sasuke started down the right path without a word, tugging to make Naruto follow. He didn't have to put his hand on the wall. The path led them into two more sharp rights and then a series of short tunnels heading vaguely to the left. It wasn't until they reached the dead end Sasuke had expected from the very first that he spoke.

"You were saying?" Sasuke drawled.

"Oh, shut up," Naruto glared. He tensed his right arm and all but drug Sasuke the last few steps toward the shadowy dead end. He was hoping for a door, a set of stairs, anything that would mean Sasuke hadn't been right all along. He touched the solid wall. And that torch sparked so suddenly Sasuke thrust it away from his face. The wall in front of them shimmered in response.

"I knew it!" said Naruto. He sent a triumphant look at Sasuke. The seemingly blank wall was now decorated with the same mural illustration as the back of the room they had just come from. And there was a holder in the corner for the torch. "Put it in there," he waved smugly. "How much do you wanna bet there'll be a circle on the floor here?"

Sasuke forced his expression to remain bland as he put the torch in the holder. As long as it was a way out, it didn't matter who had been right. He still didn't like listening to Naruto preen.

They stepped back so the firelight fell on the floor. Sure enough, it illuminated another of those smooth circles, set right in front of the mural. Naruto grinned and put his hands on his hips in a bragging pose. His grin faltered just as quick. He kept forgetting the chain pulled Sasuke's arm right along with his. And Sasuke was giving him another of those 'I can't believe I'm chained to a dobe' looks. Naruto sniffed at him and dropped his arms to his side. Sasuke was just jealous.

"You do realize this means we have to kiss again," Sasuke said in a scathing tone. Any remaining smugness dropped from Naruto's face. He was relieved. For a second there Naruto had looked far too happy to see that mural.

With a resentful grimace, Naruto assumed the position. Then he swore never to so much as think that phrase in relation with Sasuke ever again. He cursed Ero-sennin in his head all through the kiss, and when he didn't feel quite as inclined to gag afterward, he passed it off as a mark of being a good ninja. A good ninja was supposed to get numb if the torture was the same every time. That was the whole point of training, after all. Sasuke, who was gagging as much as last time, had a long way to go before he would be as good a ninja as him. Hah.

Again, his feeling of superiority didn't last long. All it took was a quick look around. They weren't in the hallway anymore. They were in a very familiar-looking room. The same room, apparently, because there were smears of blood along the far wall where they had landed. And the door was closed. Sasuke was sending him a withering glare. Naruto tensed and almost spat his irritation, "Shut up! This is not my fault! Damn it!"

"We go right," mocked Sasuke. "We're not going to double back."

"Shut up! Just get over here so we can get the door open."

"You better not be enjoying this..."

"Oh, sure," scoffed Naruto. "I'd rather kiss Kakashi-sensei than you!"

A moment of highly disturbed silence followed. Sasuke felt his stomach roil, threatening to lurch up into his mouth. Naruto didn't look much better.

"I take it back," Naruto whispered.

"Yeah," Sasuke said, just as faint. He shook the sick feeling off forcefully. "This is a mission. To get out of this place. That's all."

"Of course!"

"As quickly as possible."

"Right!"

They didn't look at each other before or after the kiss. And while there was no gagging as they made their way out of the newly opened door, there was a heavy discomfort hanging over both of them as each imagined being in this situation chained to Kakashi instead. Sasuke was thinking that even Sakura would be better than that. Naruto wasn't thinking at all because he was still convinced there were bloated fish lips hiding under Kakashi's mask and the thought of those pressing his mouth made him feel weak and scared. This situation was weird and bad, but it could have been so much worse.

The unlit torch was back in its place just outside the door, which again vanished the second they picked up the torch. The only proof that they had already traversed the tunnel were the scratches Sasuke had made at the intersection. He added a slash to the mark on the straight path, turning it into an 'x' and adding a doubled arrow. The tunnel continued for what felt like hours. It led them in pointless meanderings vaguely to the right, and then what might have been down before branching in another intersection. This time the paths were right and left. Again, Naruto attempted and failed to make a bunshin to check the paths for them.

"Right again?" Sasuke muttered. He was too tired to bother with sarcasm. He had already decided that if they ended up in that room again, he was going to stay there and rest until his head stopped throbbing every time he blinked.

"We could go left," Naruto offered, his tone just as lifeless. He didn't like the way Sasuke was leaning on the wall with that listless expression on his face. His shoulder was still hurting, and his face was as tender as before. That, along with the silence from Kyuubi, made him wonder if something had happened to the fox when they had arrived here. Or maybe something had happened to his chakra after that blow up in the room. He should have been completely healed by now. "Right didn't do much good last time."

"Not your fault."

If Naruto hadn't already been sort of worried about the asshole, he would have started now. "You're not gonna pass out on me, are you? Because I wasn't kidding about dragging your ass!"

"You wish," Sasuke sniffed. He pushed off the wall and made the same marks as before, an 'x' for the path they'd come from, a slash for the left path, and another 'x' for the right. "As long as the marks stay, we might as well be consistent and keep going right." He didn't mention that his head was too fuzzy for him to draw a picture of the maze in his head. He should have been able to keep track of where they were in relation to the room they had started from. As it was, he didn't know whether the room was above, below, left, right, or even on the same level as them. Parts of the tunnel had seemed more elevated than others. He was completely turned around. He almost hoped they did end up back in the room. He wanted to lie down for a while. He couldn't think clearly like this.

The path took them up and then windingly down before ending abruptly. Another mural, another kiss, and they were back in a room identical to the last one. Naruto was just making up his mind to groan, and Sasuke to take a nap, when they noticed the differences. The size and decorations of this room were the same as the original one. But there was no blood near the far wall. And there were two familiar people sitting near the door who definitely hadn't been in the original room. Naruto realized why Kiba was gaping at him like that and turned a furious red.

"It's not what you think! I had to kiss him! It's not like I wanted to!"

"Idiot," Sasuke muttered.

"Really!" Naruto continued, rushing toward Kiba and Shino, desperate to defend himself. "We had to kiss to get the door open and then there was a dead end, so we had to do it to get here! It was the only way - using force didn't work!"

Kiba grimaced, "You kissed him twice?"

Shino, who had deciphered the 'trick' of the room almost immediately, sent a veiled look at his teammate. "I told you a kiss would open the door."

"No way in hell," Kiba shuddered. He shot a wild look at the black glasses hiding Shino's eyes and squeezed Akamaru till the puppy whimpered. He knew where all those bugs of Shino's lived and there was no way, no way in hell. He respected his teammate, even sort of liked him now and then because he could be funny in his own weird way, but the thought of those bugs just...no way in hell. "Stop talking about it."

"How long have you two been in here?" asked Sasuke. "Did you learn anything from our captor?"

"Just that he's crazier than everyone says," Kiba spat, eager to talk about something less disturbing. "Why the hell did your team leader snatch us, anyway?"

"That wasn't really Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said quickly. "We were with the real Kakashi-sensei when he showed up. It was definitely an impostor!"

"He didn't say anything to you?" Sasuke prodded, looking at Shino. "Anything at all?"

"Nothing useful," said Shino. "We've been in here for a little under two hours now."

Kiba finally noticed how close the two were standing and why. "How come you're chained together?"

"How come you're not?" Naruto shot back with a pinched scowl. "That's not fair!"

"Did you get injured during the capture?" asked Shino. He had been training when Kiba had shown up with the apparent impostor, so he went through his supplies now. There wasn't enough water to wash the two off, but he had bandages.

"We tried to bust our way through the door," said Naruto. "Didn't work. At all."

By the time the two boys had used up both of Shino's rolls, they had compared stories and arrived at the conclusion that the impostor must have been wandering around Konoha for a while before snatching them. They had also concluded that staying in the room any longer than necessary was a bad idea. That meant two of them were going to have to kiss.

"You two do it!" Naruto yelled, pointing at Kiba and Shino. "It's only fair!"

"No way in hell," said Kiba. "You've already kissed him twice, what's one more time?"

"Three times," Shino commented, "if you include their kiss in the academy."

Sasuke glowered. They had actually kissed five times now. Once to get out of the room, once to get back in, once to get out again, and once to get here. If he included that accidental first kiss, he'd had enough of kissing his teammate to last a lifetime. He sent a considering look at the two boys standing opposite him. Kiba he couldn't stand, a mutual dislike that stemmed from his own distaste and the loud mouth's abrasive Naruto-like personality. Shino he found disturbing, though he didn't know him well enough to have a good reason. He had heard rumors of the boy's bug usage, otherwise they were virtual strangers. If he continued thinking of this as a mission, detached and impersonal, a stranger was an improvement over someone he couldn't stand.

"I'm not doing it again!" Naruto wailed. It was one thing to do it because he had to, when it was just him and Sasuke completing the mission, with all the reluctant acceptance to numb the torture. Doing it with an audience? In front of Kiba, who would never let him hear the end of it?

"Let's get this over with," said Sasuke. "I'm not such a child I would rather stay here and whine about it."

Naruto bristled at the insult. It wasn't until he saw Shino nod and move toward the circle in the corner of the room that he realized Sasuke hadn't meant him. He panicked, using the chain to keep his teammate from taking another step. "Wait! You can't kiss him!"

Sasuke glared at the chain, which pulled tightly enough to hurt through the bandages he'd wrapped his arm in. "Why?"

"Because!" Naruto said quickly. "He uses bugs! Didn't you see him fight in the-" No, he realized, Sasuke hadn't seen Shino in combat during the exam. Sasuke had fought first and been taken off by Kakashi afterward. "He uses bugs!" he said again. "Bugs!"

Of all the ridiculous- "I don't care," Sasuke snapped. "Kiba uses a dog."

"Hey!" yelped Kiba.

"I want out of this place," continued Sasuke. "Unless you want to kiss him," and he waved at Kiba, "this is the only way out."

"But you can't!" Naruto grimaced. It was just too wrong. He would never kiss Kiba, but he couldn't watch Sasuke kiss Shino, either. It was just...wrong. "You can't because - because I'm chained to you! It would be like me kissing him, too!"

"Your teammate is as bad as mine," Shino commented.

"We should really make them kiss each other," Sasuke muttered. He jerked sharply on the chain, distracting Naruto mid rant. "You or him," he spat. "I'm not staying in here another minute. Stop being a baby."

"Fine!" Naruto scowled. "I'll do it again. You better be grateful, teme. I'm saving you from getting a mouthful of bugs, you know!"

Shino's eyebrow twitched. That was the only sign he gave of how insulted he was. He stepped aside and went over to watch the door.

Naruto shot a bristling glare at Kiba, whose mouth was open, no doubt to deliver some insult or taunt. "Turn around! You don't have to watch and gloat! Pervert!"

"Like I'd want to!" Kiba grimaced. He turned his back, silently grateful he hadn't had a chance to speak. If Naruto would rather kiss Uchiha than him, that was just fine. Not like he cared.

A moment later the four teens trooped out of the room, none of them saying a word. Sasuke paused to make an 'x' where the door had been, just in case.

Two hours later they had a reasonable idea of the maze they had traversed thanks to Shino's memory and Kiba's sense of direction. Sticking to the right at the first intersection took them back to the room. Going straight took them to another intersection, straight or left. They went straight again and were taken back to the room Sasuke and Naruto had originally been in. That was when Shino called a break, sparing Sasuke from having to admit weakness and Naruto from having to admit concern for his teammate. By the time they managed to get back to the room Kiba and Shino had been in, they knew it was directly below the first one. The left wall facing the door was the back wall of the first room. And judging from the tunnel branches, the walls separating the two rooms couldn't have been more than a foot thick. It really begged the question of how the rooms were sealed so tightly that Kiba and Shino hadn't detected Naruto and Sasuke's attempts to force their way out earlier.

The third portal outside the second room took them to a new room. By then, all four were so accustomed to the kissing that Naruto didn't even blush at the eyebrows being raised by the two boys waiting there. He scowled instead, annoyed at how Neji stared at him and Sasuke as if they had done something disgusting. There was no point asking Shikamaru why the two boys hadn't attempted to get out of the room on their own. Neji was a thousand times more prissy than Sasuke on a bad day and Shikamaru was too lazy to push the issue. He also didn't bother asking anyone else to kiss the door open. While he didn't think kissing Shikamaru would bug him much - since Shikamaru was the sort to shrug it off as a troublesome necessity and nothing more - he had gotten used to Sasuke. He actually thought it was a good thing they kept having to kiss. That little rest didn't stop Sasuke from looking glazed and numb when they walked. Having to kiss woke him up, where taunts and insults went entirely ignored. All he had to do was press a little closer than necessary, and Sasuke was bristling just like his usual self.

"Don't look at 'em," Kiba said to Neji and Shikamaru, waving for them to face the door. "It's the only way to open the door and better them than us."

"How convenient," Shikamaru muttered. He had an idea how much kissing Naruto and Sasuke must have done to make Kiba shrug it off so easily. At this rate the 'other' Kakashi was going to get just what he wanted. Lock them in a room, indeed.

It wasn't until all of them were moving down the new hall that Naruto begged the question. "Where's Lee?"

Neji stopped in his tracks, a dangerously blank look on his face. "Why would he be here?"

"He got taken right before the guy came for Sasuke," Naruto frowned worriedly. "He had to have been brought here."

"He wouldn't have been put with us," said Shikamaru. "He's in no condition to walk around in a pointless maze like this."

"Well, what about Chouji, then?" Naruto prodded. "How come you guys were together instead of with your teammates?"

Now Shikamaru was the one to react sharply, "That man didn't take Chouji."

"How do you know?"

"He promised he wouldn't."

Kiba snorted, "And you believed the guy?"

"Yes," Shikamaru said flatly. He glanced at Naruto, "You and Sasuke were taken together, weren't you?"

"Yeah," Naruto frowned. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess..."

The tunnel took them down a long way to the right before ending at an intersection. They debated briefly about whether or not to take a left this time. So far the first portal outside each room, if one kept going right, had taken them back to the room again. Naruto wanted to keep going right because that had been his idea. Sasuke just wanted to keep moving. The others thought they should consider it a while before making another 'circle' and wasting time. In the end Sasuke decided it for them. They would go left this time, since that was what Kiba and Neji wanted, but if it took them back to the room and the right path ended up being the correct one, the two of them would have to start doing the kissing. Kiba immediately tried to change his vote to the right path and Neji threatened to murder Sasuke with his glare. Shikamaru commented that the two could always stay here and hope the rest of them came back once they found the exit. After more exchanges of death glares between Sasuke and Neji, and a few 'I'm not kissing him!' grimaces from Kiba, they were on their way again.

Down, to the left, up, back to the right, and finally they'd reached a portal. Kiba gave a fervent, 'Please don't be the room again!' while Naruto and Sasuke got into place.

Neji simply sniffed at the very thought of Sasuke attempting to make him kiss Kiba. Sasuke could barely walk without listing to one side. Empty threats didn't mean much to him. He turned his back on the two, once again activating the Byakugan. He couldn't see through the walls here, hadn't seen any chakra in the room, and even now, when the teleportation came, he couldn't understand why all of them were transferred instead of just the two boys standing in that particular circle. The kiss was the key, but some sort of energy had to be transporting them from one place to the other. Whatever it was, it remained invisible to his eyes. The transfer happened in a second, nothing but displaced air to show they had arrived in a formerly unoccupied space.

Since Neji was the most alert, and staring away from the kissers, he was the first to see the occupants of the room they arrived in. He immediately discarded any personal issues he had with the people behind him, deflecting an attack and assuming a defensive position. Sharp bits of sand grated over his left hand, threatening to infiltrate despite his chakra. And then the person responsible was waved back and the opposition disappeared.

"Easy, Gaara."

"Gaara?" Naruto yelped, whirling from Sasuke to look around the room. His first thought was that his wounds still hadn't healed and he would never be able to get enough of Kyuubi's chakra to fight him again if he couldn't even heal a sore shoulder. His second thought was that Sasuke was a moron for activating the sharingan while half asleep. Those damn squigglies were way too eager to cover his face up. "Stop it," he hissed at his teammate, giving him a shove. "We can't fight in here."

Kankuro, who had been the one to wave Gaara aside, shrugged. "We're not going to fight. Are we, Gaara?"

"No fighting," Gaara said in his calm monotone. His eyes were roving over Naruto, taking note of his bandaged face, his proximity to Sasuke, what the two had just been doing, and the chain that bound them together. Whatever he thought of it, he kept to himself. "Sand is now allied to the Leaf."

"Since when?" asked Shino. His own attention was caught on Kankuro, who looked oddly naked without his puppet. Gaara's gourd of sand was strapped to his back, but the other one looked as if he had been taken completely unprepared.

"Since we found the remains of the Kazekage," said Kankuro. "Orochimaru took his place, remember? Enemy of our enemy and all that. We were just finalizing the agreement when that guy showed up."

"That wasn't Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said quickly. "It was an impostor."

"Obviously," Kankuro snorted. As if any mere Leaf jounin could have gotten the drop on Gaara so easily. "He said to wait here until someone came to 'collect' us. I guess that's you guys?"

"You have to kiss to get the door open," said Shikamaru. "They're good at it, so we've been letting them have the honors."

Naruto rediscovered his humiliation and blushed, "What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

Shikamaru sent him a knowing look, "That you're good at it. Quick and efficient, no arguing or whining or," and his eyes flicked toward Neji, "feeling as if your manhood is being threatened."

"Yeah, well," Naruto blustered, "if someone else wants the honors, have at it." He tugged Sasuke away from the circle and waved for someone to take their place. "It's not like we've been doing it because we want to."

"I'll do it," said Gaara.

"Eh?" Naruto flinched. Gaara was staring at him as if he wanted to eat him up with his eyes. All of the color drained out of his face. "Um...with who?" They had a lot in common and with time they could have been great friends, but the last time he had seen him Gaara had been trying to kill two of his most precious people. That, along with the hungry stare, made him swallow nervously. "With...?"

"Uchiha."

Naruto flinched again. "Huh?" Then why was he staring at him like that? He wanted to kiss Sasuke? "No!"

"That's twice now," Shino commented. "What objection do you have this time?"

Naruto shot a wild look at the others, just realizing how it might sound. "It's not like I care! It's just-" He stared at Gaara, who was still eating him alive with those burning eyes of his. Why stare at him if he wanted to kiss Sasuke? One way to find out. "I mean - wh - why would you wanna kiss him? He's an asshole!"

"Jealous?" asked Shikamaru. Kiba snorted.

Sasuke glared suspiciously at Gaara. This had nothing to do with him. Gaara was needling Naruto intentionally. Hoping to get Naruto to volunteer himself instead? He wouldn't be surprised. "It's fine with me."

"What?" Naruto blurted, sending him a horrified look. "You're kidding!"

"No."

"But-" Naruto turned his attention back on Gaara, "This is suspicious! Why do you want to kiss the asshole? Confess!"

Shikamaru sighed, "You're being ridiculous, Naruto."

"I want an answer!"

"Because," Gaara said calmly, "you seemed to enjoy doing so."

"Wha-" Blood rushed to Naruto's face, "I did not! Take that back! You take it back or I'll - I'll-"

Sasuke snapped and knocked Naruto on the back of the head. "Shut up, dobe." He caught Gaara's eyes and stepped back into the circle. "We have to mimic the illustrations."

"Understood," said Gaara.

Naruto watched the redhead approach his teammate and suffered a minor panic attack. This wasn't happening. "No! You can't-"

"Shut up, Naruto," said Shikamaru. "Just because you're the only one who has ever kissed him doesn't mean you own rights to his mouth. Let someone else have a turn." Suddenly every eye in the room was on him. He ignored most of them in favor of staring at Sasuke, his expression bored but pointed. They both knew perfectly well why Sasuke had agreed. To keep Naruto from volunteering in his stead. While he didn't particularly like Sasuke, he liked the idea of Gaara getting close to the blonde even less. "It would be nice to get out of this room sometime today."

Sasuke closed the distance between him and Gaara, ignoring the chain and the way Naruto was gaping at him with the strangest expression on his face. Naruto's eyes were accusing and confused, and he was blushing and tugging absently on the chain like he couldn't make up his mind to pull or to be still. Gaara's expression was even worse. Blank face, burning eyes. An inhumanly cool hand taking hold in his hair. The others turned away, but Naruto was still watching. Well, let him watch. The idiot didn't even understand that he was the reason Gaara's eyes had that semi-psychotic bloodlust in them. The same look Sasuke had seen during their fight. If it weren't for the tiny layer of sand masking Gaara's true skin, he just knew there would be a psychotic grin on his face to match those eyes. He could barely keep from activating the sharingan. "We have to close our eyes, like in the illustrations."

"I know," said Gaara. He flicked one look off to the side, at Naruto, who was starting to look pale and panicky. "I'm not going to kill him."

"Of course not!" Naruto blurted. "But why do you have to-" The two kissed and he bit off his words. Wrong. Again, that was all he could think, that it was wrong. Gaara was just like him, so he should have been as disturbed by the thought of kissing another guy, especially an asshole like Sasuke, as he had been. So why did he have to do it? And he was standing much too close to Sasuke. Even when he had started pushing during the kisses to wake the teme up, he hadn't pressed as close as that. And Sasuke was too pale, as if he were scared. Why not? Sasuke didn't know that it was a demon that made Gaara so volatile, but he had definitely seen how dangerous he could be. So why had he agreed? He couldn't have actually wanted to kiss someone he was afraid of.

The door opened with a whoosh, and Naruto sent a relieved look at it. Then Shikamaru looked past him and he realized the two were still kissing. Naruto took a step toward them, tugging on the chain. Sasuke's hands dropped to his sides and his eyes opened, but he made no effort to push Gaara away. And Gaara had the nerve to press closer, looking for the world like he was planning to crawl into his mouth. It was too much.

"Stop it," Naruto growled, stalking over to them. "Knock it off!" He pushed them apart, wincing at the wet sound of their mouths parting. This was a whole new level of disturbing. Gaara's eyes snapped open to lock on his own. Naruto gave him an extra shove, "You pervert!"

"That was interesting," said Gaara. He licked his lips.

For a moment, Naruto thought he was trying to pick a fight. Then it clicked. Gaara, demon container, a lifetime without human contact, no friends, no intimacy, even worse off than he had ever been. This was his first kiss. Naruto sympathized, but that still didn't make it okay to...to drag it out like that. Especially with Sasuke! Yeah, they were just alike, but that didn't mean their first kisses had to be with the same person! And he had never kissed Sasuke that way. "You were supposed to stop when the door opened," he muttered.

"I was distracted. I see now why you enjoyed it."

"I did not!" Naruto blurted. "Stop saying that!" He didn't realize Sasuke had passed him till the chain drew taut. He shot him a look and was almost relieved by his shuttered expression. Gaara was making him feel like it was his fault he had wanted to kiss his teammate. He swore, if Gaara tried that at the next portal, he would kiss the guy himself. He couldn't stand the thought of seeing that again. "Let's go," he muttered at the blank-faced redhead. He added a convulsive, "Pervert," on his way out the door. Gaara didn't seem to mind.

The tunnel outside the room led them down a long way before turning sharply to the left and ending at an intersection. They were just preparing to have another debate when Akamaru started barking.

Kiba's face lit up with excitement. "Fresh air! He smells fresh air! Grass - animals - outside!"

"Where?" asked Shikamaru.

"Let's find out," Kiba grinned. He dropped and set the puppy on the floor. Akamaru took one long whiff and then raced down the right path.

They caught up with the dog at an intersection. Again, the puppy took long sniffs at the air before picking the left path. They followed him up past another intersection, at which Akamaru barely even paused. Then the dog was gone, with Kiba right behind him. Naruto took two steps to race after them, and Sasuke jerked him back to a walk.

"Come on," Naruto whined, "we're almost out!" He knew Sasuke was tired, but they had to be close if Kiba wasn't even waiting for them.

"We don't know what we'll find outside," Shikamaru reminded him. "We should proceed cautiously."

"I heard you made chuunin," said Kankuro. He didn't mention that he had heard it by accident, having run into his sister while she was giving a blistering rant about the guy who'd had the nerve to forfeit during a match with her and still somehow managed to get promoted. "Think that makes you the leader here?" Sand might be allied to Konoha now, but that didn't mean he was going to follow orders just because of rank.

Shikamaru shrugged. "If you want to rush on ahead, feel free."

"Don't argue," Gaara said quietly. Kankuro stood down just like that. They both knew Shikamaru was right. Kankuro was just itching to start trouble.

They walked briskly but cautiously down a long way, till the path turned sharply once, twice, and then they could just make out a hint of light in the distance. It wasn't until they neared the light that they realized it was faint because Kiba was standing in the doorway and blocking most of it. His expression when he turned managed to dull any excitement they might have felt.

"There are things out there," he murmured, looking queasy and unnerved. "Things...!"

"What kind of things?" Neji demanded, his eyes narrow with contempt. He didn't wait for an answer, "Out of the way."

"Sure," Kiba snorted, "see for yourself." And then he moved to the back of the group, a protective hand holding Akamaru, who was whining softly, close to his chest. "Never liked him, anyway," he muttered quietly.

Neji stepped into the light and out of sight. There was a loud 'Hah!' as if someone had laughed or been punched in the gut. A tendril of sickly green mist tickled the doorway, causing everyone but Gaara to cover their noses. Neji staggered back into the tunnel, gagging and choking on the fumes. Then he went insane.

.-.  
TBC


	8. Chapter 8

It took almost two minutes to restrain Neji. During that time he managed to bite a chunk out of Shikamaru's arm, kick Naruto in the face, scratch up both Sasuke and Kankuro, and leave some nice bruises on Kiba and Shino before they had finally succeeded in prying him off. All told it was a horrible show of teamwork and had he used even a hint of his ninja training he could have easily killed someone. Luckily his crazed state reduced him to bestial behavior and while the initial shock of not being able to use any jutsus against him had slowed down their reactions, they were still shinobi. They had him hogtied and gagged before the first drops of blood hit the floor. Then they backtracked to the corner away from the exit to regroup.

"I don't get it," Naruto mumbled. He had very nearly bitten through his tongue and like the lingering soreness in his shoulder, the injury showed no sign of going away. He spat a mouthful of bloody saliva on the floor, then rounded on Gaara. The Sand nin had stood back the entire time, and now he had the same blank look as always. "You're using your sand right now, aren't you? I thought it was just me and Sasuke, because of this stupid chain, but-" He grimaced at Shikamaru, who was having his arm wrapped up by Kankuro, the only one with bandages left. "Is it just us from Konoha?"

"I haven't been able to use my sand since we left the room," said Gaara.

Sasuke shot him a sharp look. Did that mean his blank expression wasn't a mask? He hadn't shown a hint of surprise or emotion during the attack. Even now he looked more statue than human.

"It's not that our chakra has been sealed or rendered useless," said Shino. He and Kiba were crouching beside Neji, keeping him from thrashing too much and ready to redo the ropes when, not if, Neji finished chewing through the one holding his gag in place. "He used the byakugan in the hall earlier and my own chakra is still functioning normally. It's only externally that our chakra dissipates."

"Someone might have mentioned that sooner," Shikamaru commented. Taijutsu was not one of his strong points and while Neji wasn't particularly strong himself, the adrenaline rush had given him quite an advantage. Being tackled by the crazed Hyuuga was comparable to wrestling with Asuma. Not something he cared to repeat.

"I don't remember you offering to share information," Kankuro snorted at him. He wiped the back of a hand over the light scratch Neji had made on his neck, some welts but no blood, and then tossed the roll of bandages to Sasuke. "You're going to look like a fucking mummy by the time we get out of here." He rather liked that.

Neji's fingernails weren't very long, but they had dug some nice grooves in his hand. Sasuke wrapped the wound with a dull glower, not responding to the taunt. Shikamaru had been thrown right between him and Naruto, leaving them in a tangled mess. He was just glad Naruto was the one who had been kicked in the head and not him. "Nothing happened to you when you were standing in doorway, earlier," he said, looking over at Kiba. "Right?"

"They saw me," Kiba made a face at the memory, "but they didn't come at me or anything." He was rather pleased with the way things had turned out. He had warned the dumbass not to go out there, after all. "It's his own fault for walking right out there."

Considering Neji had the byakugan, it was unlikely he would have walked out unless he had seen something Kiba hadn't. That the 'things' out there were merely an illusion, perhaps. Between the two of them, Sasuke would put faith in Neji's eyes over Kiba's nose any day. That meant that there was something else behind the illusion Neji hadn't spotted, or that he had underestimated what he had seen. It was likely the latter. He had gotten a very close look at the sort of energy used in this place with his sharingan when he and Naruto had struck the door earlier. If he hadn't witnessed the power of it firsthand, he wouldn't have even known it was there. He tossed the roll of bandages back to Kankuro. Then he tugged on the chain. "Let's go take a look."

"Are you kidding?" Naruto demanded. "If one of us goes crazy the other one is screwed." He raised his cuffed arm in emphasis. The damn chain was three inches long again. He swore the length kept changing on them. As short as it was now there would be absolutely no chance to evade an attack. And though Sasuke was putting up a good front for the others, it was obvious he had barely gotten back to his feet after being bowled over by Neji. Naruto would either end up attacking Sasuke in a crazed state like Neji, or braining him to get him off and, either way, one of them would be stuck dragging a hogtied psycho.

"I'll go as well," Shikamaru sighed. Someone had to take charge here or they would end up bickering and accomplishing nothing. Once he actually knew what they were up against he would have some chance to find a way around it.

Naruto scoffed, working his way to an outright ranting tone. "What? You want to get jumped by one of us? Or both? Yeah, that's a great idea! I guess getting bitten once wasn't enough for ya, eh?"

Shikamaru sent a tired look at the others, including the Sand pair. He hadn't expected any help from that quarter and received none. Sasuke was staring off toward the entrance, Kiba had his head down and was pointedly petting Akamaru, and Shino merely quirked an eyebrow. No one was offering to help calm Naruto down, assuming it was even possible. He sighed and adopted Sasuke's approach of ignoring him altogether. "Anyone else coming?"

"Spider," said Gaara. He stared impassively, completely ignoring the strange looks he received.

Kankuro rolled his eyes, waving at Shikamaru, "Let's go. Make sure to hold your breath."

Sasuke led the way, dragging a ranting grumbling tugging Naruto one step at a time. Shikamaru followed a few steps behind, his expression twisted in tired annoyance as he had to shove Naruto a few times when he tried stopping completely. Shino sidled up to Kankuro, who was trailing after.

"Spider?" Shino asked quietly.

"Don't worry about a few legs, just protect the head," Kankuro muttered. Temari would be throwing a fit right now if she knew Gaara had made that designation. The kid was smart, maybe, but having him in charge? It was downright degrading. Shikamaru wasn't even useful without those shadows of his. In fact, he was probably the weakest one here, not counting the mummy.

Not a bad analogy, Shino supposed, although- "The head isn't very useful without eyes."

Kankuro grinned, almost willing to forgive the creep for that thing in the woods. "Part of the head, right? But if you ask me we already lost those." He would back the byakugan over the sharingan any day, especially when there was no report of the Uchiha ever using his for genjutsu. Best eyes around for mind-fucking and he didn't even use them for it. He was just another leg. And if Gaara wasn't worried about that...friend...of his, then the other leg didn't matter much either right now.

One look at the bright sunshine outside was enough to momentarily blind Sasuke and give him a splitting headache. Just what he needed. Naruto didn't seem to have that problem because he immediately cursed, trying to drag him out of sight. He wished someone would take the initiative and knock the moron out. Dragging him around would be a huge strain, but it had to be better than dealing with this. He wiped his eyes clear and squinted again.

"What are they?" Naruto was hissing, in a whisper louder than his normal speaking tone. "What the hell are they?"

They were things. Just as Kiba had claimed. The thing directly in front of the exit was the biggest of the things. About twelve feet tall and nearly as wide, green, bulbous on top, with a wide gaping mouth full of arm-long teeth, thick squirming root-like tentacles that drug it along the ground as it moved a few inches to the side and turned that mouth toward them. It looked more plant than animal, but its breaths were loud huffing explosions of air. The leaves and entwined vine textures that made up its head formed what might have been hair and a face, giving it an almost humanoid appearance. Human, animal, plant. Yes, it was most certainly a thing. And there were more of them squirm-crawling their way around the clearing just outside the entrance. A few were waist-high, but there were three that rivaled the largest size. It was a troop, or herd, of huge things with big teeth. Although Sasuke still wished someone would shut Naruto up, he couldn't quite argue with the frantic disgust in his voice. They were gross intimidating things, he would give him that much.

They were also see-through, once he had activated the sharingan. He said as much to Shikamaru, who had edged closer to see for himself. This was undoubtedly why Neji hadn't hesitated. There was no sign of traps or chakra, and the things looked like a weak illusion at best. In fact, half of the forest looked like an illusion, only the dirt and a few of the trees looked solid and even they appeared masked and obscured by fake plants and a variety of small creeping animal-like things in the foliage. His eyes told him they were on an open field, dirt and moss, no grass, and a few trees that might be henge'd rocks or other inanimate objects. There was a blur further out, stretching along the horizon and then higher until even the sky seemed to be part of the illusion. There was also a person, nearly a mile off and only visible through the blur because he was one of the few things not affected by the illusion. Sasuke couldn't make him out beyond the slight haze of his energy. Human, real, but still not enough energy to be threatening. There was nothing out there to make a shinobi hesitate. So what had happened to Neji?

"Those things got him!" Naruto yelled, furious at being ignored. He grabbed Sasuke's shirt and got right in his face. "Listen to them huff! They're what made that laughing sound - they huffed poison on him and they'll do the same to anyone who goes out there! The only reason they're not coming in after us is 'cause they're too big-"

"That one's not too big," Kankuro pointed out, amused by Naruto's antics.

"It's more likely that we're safe in here," said Shikamaru. "They're guards to keep us from going out. They can see us, but they won't do anything to us unless we attempt to go out."

"Wait, then, you don't buy his claim that they're not real?" Naruto frowned in confusion, looking from Shikamaru to Shino. It wasn't until Sasuke shoved his hands off that he scowled at his teammate again.

"I never said they weren't real," Sasuke spat. "I said they don't look real. Everything out there looks like an illusion. But if it is, then it's an obvious illusion put in place to hide something even worse."

Naruto deflated sullenly. He was getting very frustrated at not being able to fold his arms over his chest. "Then, you're not going to suggest someone go out there and see what happens?"

"I didn't say that."

Shikamaru grabbed the back of Naruto's jacket before he could launch himself at his teammate again. "Be useful and clam up, Naruto. He can't go out when he's chained to you and none of us is volunteering to do it. We're assessing the situation, that's all."

Kankuro rolled his eyes. The situation was pretty clear already. "Those tentacles aren't long enough to grab us. They're slow as slugs. Even if the illusion is a trick to make us think they're not real, the poison can't hurt if you hold your breath. And if they've got some other attack, I doubt they're fast enough to hit a shinobi with it."

"You're assuming they aren't intelligent," said Shino.

"And that they're the source of the poison," said Shikamaru. "It's far more likely that the genjutsu caster is nearby and someone with him is the source of the poison. Even if the...things...are real and they are the source of the poison, there's no reason to think they're all that's hidden out there." The fact that their enemy could easily be sitting on the roof right above them and listening to every word they said clearly hadn't occurred to any of them. They were also missing the entire point of this trap. He rubbed a hand over his throbbing arm and wondered if he should warn Sasuke about the poison. In his condition it probably wouldn't make much difference, so he didn't waste his breath. For a simple excuse for some male bonding, this sure had turned into a troublesome mess. "There's a quick way to determine the rules."

"Rules!" Naruto's eyes widened. "He said to follow the instructions to get out..."

"This is more of a game than a trap," Shikamaru confirmed tiredly. "Are we at the wrong exit, are we not supposed to leave until our abductor returns, or is there some qualification we have to fulfill in order to exit safely. We can't determine the first possibility without backtracking through the maze and trying some of the other paths. That's the last option because by the time we check all the untaken paths, the man should be back. In the meantime," he eyed the things out there and wrinkled his nose, "someone is going to have to throw something at them."

"Why?" asked Kankuro. He still didn't like the guy, but he was suspicious. Shikamaru seemed to know a lot more than he was letting on.

"To see if they're simply here to poison anyone who steps outside, or if they'll attack inanimate objects as well. Hitting one would also prove whether or not anything is physically there."

Sasuke put a hand out at Naruto. "Kunai."

"No way!" Naruto growled. "If that thing gets mad because you hit it and huffs poison on us, it'll be just the same as going out there. Who says the poison only hurts if you breathe it, huh? We just got a little bit of it on us earlier, but standing right here we'd get it head on just like Neji did. There is no way you'd be able to evade it." If Sasuke tried to say he could stand there long enough to watch the kunai hit the thing and still be able to run away fast enough to avoid the poison, he was going to knock the lying asshole out himself. Sasuke's eyes narrowed in a very hateful glare, but he didn't say a word. There was no way he could run right now and they both knew it. Naruto snorted at him, then turned his glare on Shikamaru for suggesting it in the first place. "And if Sasuke isn't right here to watch, you won't know if the kunai hitting the thing is part of the illusion or not, right? So that's out. Any other ideas?"

Shikamaru sighed. Was there any point suggesting the obvious? Naruto would throw a fit in horrified denial and Sasuke would pull a macho outrage. At this rate one of them might as well just walk out and try to dispel the illusion. Or take Kankuro's route and try running past the things as if they were the only threat out there.

"Carry him," said Shino.

Naruto gaped in horror, Sasuke flinched in outrage, and Shikamaru slapped a hand over his forehead. He was laughing before the two teammates could say a word. They were so predictable it hurt. And the idea was so obvious and simple that only two idiots like them would put up such a fuss over it. Their pissy expressions and Shino's blankly confused face made him laugh harder.

"What?" Shino frowned. "It's the most obvious solution."

Sasuke glared at him for even suggesting it. Then he snapped a disgusted look on Shikamaru, who was bent forward and laughing like a loon. "What the hell is so funny?"

"You two," Shikamaru gasped, swallowing hard to keep the laughs in. "Stubborn to the last. And him," he jerked a thumb at Shino, "for thinking you could be mature adults about something so simple. And this entire situation, because it's all Asuma's fault. Locked room, fine, but did he have to drag the rest of us into it, too?" He choked on what sounded scarily like a giggle. Then he forced himself to shove Naruto and Sasuke away from the exit. "Everyone back up. Safe distance."

"What are you thinking?" Kankuro demanded. He didn't have to look to know Gaara was frowning at them, at him. Brains weren't supposed to have breakdowns and that was exactly what Shikamaru looked to be having. Either that, or he was-

"I'm going to step outside and try dispelling the illusion," Shikamaru chuckled. "And whether I'm poisoned or not, you're going to tie me up afterward and keep an eye on Sasuke. And yourself, too," he flicked a look at Kankuro's neck. "Just in case."

Sasuke froze, all expression leaving his face. "It's contagious?"

"Seems that way," said Shikamaru. He wasn't letting the laughs out anymore, but they were still there, shaking his shoulders and sending waves of careless euphoria over him. It wasn't actually a bad sensation, certainly better than having the sudden urge to jump and bite people the way Neji had after a full dose of the stuff. "You can salvage your pride right now, but if that scratch infected you, then you're going to end up getting tied and carried, anyway. Sorry to break it to you." And he couldn't stop a laugh, proving just how not sorry he really was. It would serve the stubborn arrogant jerk right. He probably should feel a little sorry for Naruto, but he didn't. His stubbornness was just as annoying, really.

Kankuro curled a hand over his throat. His scratches hadn't broken skin. But the mere possibility of it made him pale and take a quick step back. Without his sand, Gaara was all but defenseless. If three of them lost it all at once... "We don't have enough rope!"

"So hit us over the head, if you have to," Shikamaru shrugged. He thought of the hogtied Neji getting hit over the head first and broke into laughter again. It was starting to hurt his throat and chest, but he really couldn't stop. A glance found the usually taciturn Neji still flopping and thrashing like a fish and he wondered if a person could laugh himself to death. Not as nice as dying in his sleep, but not too bad. He threw a bleary-eyed look at Sasuke. "What do you say? Take a peek and get carried, or do I walk out there? It's all the same to me." Though he would have preferred to watch the Uchiha get carried before he lost it completely. It was better to actually have a reason for laughing his lungs out. He sent a curious look at his arm and snorted at the faint swelling. There was no visible sign of the poison tracking its way to his brain. Bright bold green lines would have been so much funnier.

Sasuke thought he was going to be sick. The very idea of himself laughing like Shikamaru made his throat close up and his stomach churn. At least if he got a direct blast of the poison he would have the satisfaction of tearing a few chunks out of Naruto before he was put down. An infection was far more likely from a bite than a scratch, but there was still a chance. He clenched his fist, trying to feel any difference in the wound itself. His hand hurt, but his head hurt much worse than that. In fact, being jerked and rushed away would probably knock him out, sparing him from any hysterical breakdown that might be heading his way. In the end it was a glance at Shino that decided him. He had called Naruto a baby earlier for being stubborn and immature. Was he honestly going to be just as bad? He put a hand out at Naruto again.

"We don't know you're infected," Naruto cried, turning to put his kunai pouch out of grabbing reach. "And we know I'm not! If I can't get us away fast enough, we'll both get poisoned for sure."

Shino raised a hand between them, stopping the brewing debate and drawing their glares. He ignored them in favor of frowning down at Shikamaru, who was now leaning against the wall and shaking with muffled laughter. "Are you capable of running?"

"Me?" Shikamaru laughed. "Not a chance."

"Then you can't step out there. All they did was poison Neji because he stumbled back inside afterward. Had he remained outside, those things might have eaten him. I doubt the teeth are for show."

"So someone will have to yank me back inside and run fast," waved Shikamaru. "I don't mind being carried. Just don't let me get a full blast because I don't want to eat anyone." He clamped his hand over the bandage and imagined Neji's face when he learned that he had swallowed a chunk of his arm. He almost slipped to the ground at the force of his convulsive laughs. "Cannibal Hyuuga, oh, that's great..."

"Hey..." The wariness in Kankuro's voice drew their attention. He edged backward slowly, pointing at the doorway. "Anyone know what that is...?"

For a long moment, nobody moved. There was a yellow creature hovering in the doorway. At first glance it resembled a bat, a round yellow body the size of a person's head, filled by a large red eye that blinked slowly at them, and large wings with purple skin on the inside. The wings were flapping much too slowly to be supporting its weight. Yet it hovered in midair, that large eye turning from one person to the next. It was less than two feet away from them.

"Just like the other things," Sasuke said very quietly. It was transparent with the sharingan, but there was no question in his mind that this one was real. It was also half inside the building.

"Run or fight?" Naruto whispered. His hand dipped into his pack, curling around a kunai. The thing didn't look dangerous, no mouth, no claws, nothing but the wings and eye. But it smelled weird, smoky and sweet like burnt flowers.

"Why don't we introduce ourselves?" asked Shikamaru. He rolled his eyes when the others sent him death glares. Just because he couldn't stop laughing didn't mean he wasn't taking the situation seriously. "If it can come in, the little versions of those poison things can. So what's the point? If they were going to come in and get us, the others would have already." He waved a hand at the hovering thing, drawing its gaze to him. "Kakashi dumped us here. Have you seen him?"

The batlike thing let out a high pitched hum, its wings fluttering so fast they blurred. It bobbed for a moment, at eye level with Shikamaru, then it turned and zoomed away. Shikamaru snorted himself into another muffled laughing fit.

"That's it," Kankuro growled suddenly. That was all the proof he needed. He stalked to the laughing idiot and shoved him against the wall, shaking him when he wouldn't even meet his eyes. "What the hell is going on?"

"How should I know?" Shikamaru muttered. He started to say something and hiccuped instead. He wasn't getting enough oxygen to continue laughing this hard. He batted halfheartedly at the hand holding him up. "Let go. I don't know anything."

Kankuro could hear quiet footsteps approaching them. He wasn't going to stand down this time no matter what Gaara said. Fuck the alliance. They had been kidnapped by someone impersonating a Konoha shinobi and here they were, being played with by another Konoha shinobi. Now they were supposed to trust them? He bared his teeth in an unholy grin. "I don't need to use chakra to beat the hell out of you."

"Yes, you do," said Shino.

Sasuke snorted, "Do you even realize how badly you're outnumbered?"

Naruto didn't have a smartass comment, he just punched him as hard as he could. In his opinion, that was much more satisfying. That would teach the bastard to ignore him. And, damn it, he had been wanting to kick his ass since the first time they had met. What was it with the guy and picking on helpless people? Okay, so Shikamaru wasn't usually helpless, but threatening him right now was just as bad as going after Konohamaru. Shikamaru could barely even stand up. Check that, he couldn't stand up at all. Naruto caught Shikamaru's arm and kept him from slumping to the ground. He never took his eyes off Kankuro, though. The punch had knocked him back, but he still looked fully prepared to take them all on. Judging by his grin, he was actually looking forward to it. Naruto tensed when he spotted Gaara closing in on them, but if he couldn't use Kyuubi's chakra then he doubted Gaara would be able to use his demon's, either. In a hand to hand fight, he definitely outweighed Gaara. And there was still Kiba over there, if they needed backup.

Gaara stopped beside his brother, his face as blank as ever. "Kankuro?"

"He's in on it," Kankuro spat. He bristled and braced himself for the censure. "They're probably all in on it! We don't know-"

"Naruto and political intrigue?" Gaara interrupted smoothly.

Kankuro made a face, not quite scuffing his foot in embarrassment. Yeah, that didn't sound likely. "Okay, maybe not him, but that one knows a hell of a lot more than he's telling us."

"I don't," Shikamaru huffed. He had finally stopped laughing. He still couldn't catch his breath, though. He really wished Naruto would let him go so he could sit down. This was so tiring and annoying and stupid. "Just that no one was supposed to get hurt. It's just a time wasting exercise to get those two to bond. Asuma made him think of a locked room and," he managed one more laugh, "he really meant it, I guess. None of this is personal, no politics, he doesn't know who any of us are. He was just asking around for strong young people. To borrow. I don't know what for. I don't know what kind of jutsu he was using or how he set all this up. I don't know where we are or what he needs us for. I don't know if we're supposed to find a way out or wait here. I don't know anything. Honestly. Naruto, put me down."

"Yeah," Naruto said quickly, "okay." He lowered him and then remained crouching in front of him. "What do you mean bond?"

Shikamaru snorted, rolling his eyes. "Blame your own stupid stubborn rivalry. And Asuma. He was talking about how you don't get along. He figured locking you two up until you had finally fought it all out, but that's obviously not what the fake had in mind with his locked room. Only why did he have to include the rest of us in it? I shouldn't even be here. I get along just fine with my teammates. Well, with one of them, anyway." Because, really, who could get along with Ino? Not even Sakura got along with her and they had been best friends a few years ago.

Shino was the first to notice the trouble heading their way. Or, more accurately, Akamaru noticed first and warned Kiba, who sent the puppy to inform his teammate. After sitting on Neji for the last twenty minutes too far away to know what the hell they were all going on about, Kiba was so annoyed that he just cocked his head and made a face when Shino sent him a sharp look. Someone was coming. Akamaru had smelled the guy from all the way in here and there they all were, arguing and bunched up right by the exit, and none of them even noticed? They weren't even looking outside. What the hell kind of shinobi were they if they couldn't even keep watch? He really missed Hinata. Granted, she hardly said two words without being prompted, and could be as boring as Shino on a bad day, but at least she was always there to keep an eye out.

He grumbled moodily, shifting on Neji's back and glaring at the lot of them. Neji wasn't bucking as much, but he did snap at him, growling and huffing like a bull. He supposed he should have gotten some more rope to replace the chewed up gag. He didn't see the point, though. The guy was clearly winding down, and watching the contorted expressions on his filthy face was kinda satisfying. Well, that was one reason to be glad Hinata wasn't here. She wasn't vindictive enough to enjoy her cousin's plight as much as her teammate did. It was a real shame Shino wouldn't let Akamaru piss on the sullen bastard while they had the chance. He sat more heavily on the trussed up Hyuuga's back and watched as the others took up positions against the walls.

Even from where Kiba was sitting, he could hear the person. Soft murmurs and unnerving croons from the things outside, one of those loud 'haa' sounds and a startled complaint, like a shinobi who had just been nipped by his own nindog-in-training pup. The mere idea of someone training those things made his stomach hurt. Shino's bugs were equally creepy, but at least they didn't stink and have mouths big enough to 'accidentally' swallow their owner with a single chomp. He saw the others tense, flattening closer to the wall as the footsteps approached the entrance. He readied his own kunai, a bit put out that he'd have to protect Neji if the stranger made it past the others. Not that there was much chance of that.

Unlike Neji, this guy was taken down in a matter of seconds. He walked right inside with a loud 'Anyone in here?' and was immediately pounced, knocked flat onto his stomach, arms wrenched behind his back, a thin wire edging into his neck to keep his head back, and pointy weapons digging warningly into various parts of his anatomy. From his ashen face it was very clear he had come close to wetting himself. A long moment of silence settled over them as his dark blue eyes flicked from one expressionless face to the next. Then a heavy rustle sounded outside and the man let out a panicked 'Oh, shit!' before a cloud of poison gushed inside.

From where Kiba was sitting, the retreat looked instantaneous. Shino and Kankuro grabbed the hostage, Naruto grabbed Sasuke, and Akamaru tried to grab Shikamaru. Sadly the puppy wasn't as strong as his sire yet and the two were left behind to take the full blast. Kiba spared one moment to glare at Gaara, who had reached him before anyone else had even started to move, and then ran to his partner. Shikamaru had Akamaru's head smothered in his vest when the poisonous cloud dissipated. At first glance it wasn't clear whether that was to protect the pup from the poison or to suffocate him. Kiba didn't wait to find out. He snatched his partner up and retreated a safe distance away. Had he stopped to think about it, he might have hesitated to hold Akamaru so close to his neck. As it was, he received a sloppy lick over his cheek and a tail thumping on his arm rather than a throat rending bite.

Shikamaru wiped an arm over his runny nose, coughing for a moment. That stuff was putrid, searing his throat and leaving his eyes running nearly as badly as his nose. He also had an overwhelming desire to sleep. He did not, however, feel a sudden hunger for human flesh, so maybe the stuff affected each person differently. The huge thing that had huffed on them was crowded in the doorway, tentacles reaching futilely at him. He eyed one of the kunai that had been dropped during the flight, then thought better of it. The thing wasn't going to fit through that narrow doorway and, besides, he wanted to still be awake for the interrogation. Shino had joined Kiba, both watching him warily from a few feet away. He waved them off, climbing to his feet and wiping his shirt over his face. His skin tingled where the stuff had struck him, a light unpleasant burn. Nothing serious.

"I'm not going to bite anyone," he muttered, when the two tensed the closer he came to them. He considered this sleep-inducing effect an improvement over having to laugh until he hyperventilated. "The poison may have a different effect each time."

"It depends on the person's natural immunities," said their hostage. "The normal status effects are poison, berserk, sleep, confusion, slow, blind, and sometimes stop or stone, but these Marlboros are too young to do that. The worst you have to worry about with these is berserk and confusion, since a person can do serious damage under those. And sleep, since you can sleep right through the acid spitting till you die. They're too awkward to do physical attacks often." The hostage blinked when he caught the blank stares he was receiving. After a moment he continued a tad quieter. "They're really not a serious threat if you can deal with the status effects..."

"Yeah?" Kankuro drawled. He sneered and turned the man toward Neji. Now that he wasn't being held down, the Hyuuga was writhing toward them, snapping dangerously close to their ankles. "How do we deal with those 'effects', then?"

"Oh, shit," the man exclaimed, his eyes widening as he hopped away from those snapping jaws. "Why did you tie him up like that? Just give him a remedy or-" He gaped, cringing closer to Kankuro, "Is that blood on his mouth? You let him bite someone? What kind of sick joke-" He let out an eep when he suddenly found himself being pricked by an assortment of sharp pointy weapons. "Wait," he said quickly, and quietly. "Hold up. If this is a weapons exercise, then you want Hiko, not me. I just came because an Allemange said Kakashi had put a bunch of kids right next to my Marlboros. No one is supposed to be out here today. I specifically reserved the forest so this pack could get used to the place. They're not ready to interact with students yet, especially not with the babies along. Whatever exercise Kakashi has you doing, just take it somewhere else." He grimaced at the wire that was once more digging into his neck. "Okay?"

"How are we supposed to go somewhere else with those things out there?" Naruto demanded. He immediately regretted speaking up. They were looking down at him now, Gaara in particular. He flushed at the sudden scrutiny, equal parts embarrassed and angry, defensive more than anything. What was he supposed to have done? A moment ago he had been horrified at the thought ofcarrying Sasuke, with everyone watching and Sasuke giving him that look. But when he had seen that poison bearing down on them he had acted on instinct. Even if he had wanted to just take care of himself, he couldn't have done it with that chain holding them together. Now Sasuke was gone, had been before he had even landed, and what was he supposed to do? Stand and leave him lying there with his arm hanging up all awkward and probably painful? It wasn't like he was hugging him or anything. He was just supporting him the easiest way he could think of. If he had to move quickly again, that was just common sense. They were still looking at him in a way that made him wish he could beat the hell out of all of them. Especially Kankuro. He would give anything to wipe the smirk off that guy's face.

"We'll get to that in a minute," Shikamaru sighed. He felt comatose, slow and sluggish and...not too different from usual for him. He was probably the best person to be hit with a sleep inducing side effect. He spent a good portion of his time looking for anything to make staying awake worth the effort. Now he sat down on the other side of Naruto, as much to distract him as to give his boneless legs a break. Naruto's face was a royal red, cheeks bunched up as if his head were about to pop. Shikamaru ignored the defensive way he tensed and pulled Sasuke closer to him. Maybe there was a little merit to the whole locked room thing. He still didn't want to acknowledge it. Too troublesome. He caught their captive's eye. The man looked like a civilian, long dark hair in a loose tail, jeans and a dark jacket, no weapons in sight. The way he stared wildly and flinched at the slightest touch of a kunai also screamed civilian. "Do you have an antidote for the poison?" While Neji's byakugan was no more trustworthy in this situation than the sharingan, it was better than nothing.

Kankuro prodded him with the kunai he had against the man's stomach, his wire curled snugly around his neck. There was still a chance he had been infected and he wasn't willing to consider what that might mean for Gaara. At the moment there were only three able fighters and two of them were Leafs. He didn't count Naruto, who was obviously too busy cuddling to be of any use. "Well?"

"I have a couple antidotes," the man said quickly. "But that'll only get rid of the poison. Are any of you actually poisoned?"

Kiba had resumed his former role, holding Neji down with one foot planted on the small of his back. He snorted and waved a hand at the rabid shinobi. "What do you think? He got a full blast of that poison."

"He doesn't look poisoned-" The man started to turn his head and froze when the wire around his neck made a tiny slice in his skin. "Um..."

There was no need for Kankuro to look at Gaara to know what he was going to say. He huffed and withdrew the wire. This man was clearly no threat. He let him go completely and stepped off to the side. He played with the sharp tip of his kunai, enjoying the way those dark blue eyes followed the movements and widened. No threat at all. Though it would be fun to see how much it took to make him wet his pants. He looked pretty close to it already. "Continue."

"Uh, sure." The man sent a wary look around him, making a face when he saw Kiba's foot. Finally, he sighed and crouched near Neji's head. He eyed him closely for a moment, then shook his head. "He's not poisoned. He's definitely berserk, maybe confused. Berserk causes an adrenaline rush but doesn't cause any harm to the afflicted. It can actually be useful in some situations since it increases strength. Poison is just the opposite, it wears down and slowly kills the person. It's only useful if you inflict it on something you can't cause significant damage on, and even then it can take a long time for it to die. Confusion is the worst, though. A berserker won't attack his own comrades. Confuse one and he might even attack himself."

"Thanks for the lesson," said Shikamaru. His expression was droll and more than a little bored. "Do you have the antidote or not?"

"That's what I'm saying," the man protested, looking rather annoyed. "Antidotes only cure poison. A tranquilizer would fix the berserk, but it won't do anything for the confusion and that's the real killer." He suddenly turned an outraged look on Kankuro. "How could you let him bite someone?"

Kankuro snorted. "Why are you looking at me?

The man scowled at him for a moment longer before looking around again. "Who did he bite?"

"Me," said Shikamaru.

"Well, you don't look poisoned, but you probably are." He dug into his jacket and tossed a small bottle to him. "It tastes like shit. Drink it anyway." Then his attention fell on Sasuke, his nose wrinkling. "He needs to go to the infirmary. Right away. Did he get bitten, too?"

"Scratched," Naruto muttered. He watched Shikamaru down the bottle he had been given. Shouldn't he have hesitated? That was one of the first things they were taught. It was the shinobi version of never take candy from strangers. The man handed him a bottle, which he eyed warily. It could be anything from poison to truth serum. And he was supposed to trust the guy? To just go right ahead and give Sasuke something that might kill him? He scowled at Shikamaru. "Shouldn't you have had him take a sip first?"

"Shinobi are always immune to their own poisons," said Shikamaru. "If he did try that, he would have to produce an antidote or be killed. Besides," he nodded at Sasuke, "unless he broke some ribs earlier, he shouldn't be breathing like that."

Naruto didn't think he had broken anything, not that Sasuke would have mentioned it if he had. He was cold, though, clammy, breathing in shallow little jerks. Naruto had been trying not to think about it. The last time he had held Sasuke like this, Sasuke had looked a lot like he did right now. And then Sasuke had died. He wasn't going to think about it. He thought about the eyes on him instead, how uncomfortable and angry it made him. Tilting Sasuke's head back and opening his mouth was awkward. Sasuke choked and coughed on the smelly stuff, the thick glass of the bottle clinking against his teeth. They were watching the entire time and he hated them. He couldn't even give his teammate a drink of something that might save his life without being made fun of. Or maybe it was all in his head because when he turned coldly bitter eyes on them, nobody was smirking. Kiba wasn't looking at him, Shino nodded, and Shikamaru simply took the empty bottle and pocketed it. Kankuro was busy drinking another of those little bottles, still eyeing their captive and fingering his kunai. Gaara was staring at him, but he was Gaara. Whatever was going through Gaara's mind, he seriously doubted judgment and mockery played a part in it.

"What about Neji?" Shikamaru asked, redirecting their captive's attention. "Do you have something to fix him?"

"No," the man sighed. He looked embarrassed, scratching at his cheek in a way that suddenly made Naruto think of Iruka. "I can't make remedies myself, so I don't have any on me. Sorry. I could cast an esuna, but not in here. This is the labyrinth, right? You can't use magic once you leave the chambers. We could try taking him outside, but..." He turned toward the entrance and grimaced at the large creature still crammed in the doorway, its tentacles scrabbling at the stone. "They're in a bad mood now." He straightened suddenly. "Why did you guys jump me, anyway? And what are you doing in here?"

"We were kidnapped and left here," Naruto scowled. He felt guilty for comparing this guy to Iruka even for a second. They looked nothing alike. Besides, this was an enemy. A weak, weird, possibly helpful enemy, but still a bad guy.

"By Kakashi?" The man's eyes widened suddenly, his mouth falling open. "Oh! You're Kakashi's students!"

Naruto was already bristling by the time Kankuro rounded on him. "I told you that wasn't Kakashi-sensei! We were with Kakashi-sensei when that guy grabbed us. It wasn't him, no matter what this guy says. It was someone pretending to be him - an impostor!"

"Or a different Kakashi," said Shikamaru. He ran a tired hand over his face. Whether he had been poisoned or not, the antidote certainly wasn't helping with his tiredness. "Same name, different person. I told you this isn't about politics." He dropped his hand, leveling a sober stare on Kankuro. "Don't use this as an excuse to fight. It's a waste of time and energy. We are in enemy territory, you know. All of us."

"Don't tell me how to be a shinobi," Kankuro countered. He could definitely see why Temari was so riled by the guy. All the evidence pointed to him, to Konoha. The least Shikamaru could do was act defensive.

Shino stepped up to the captive, waiting for the man to finish eyeing his high coat warily. "How can we get out of here?"

"We'll have to use a card," the man sighed. He flushed as he dug in his jacket. "I'm not supposed to have any. Kakashi's going to owe me for this one. How could he leave you in here when he knew I had the forest reserved? Where is he, anyway?"

"We don't know," Shino said truthfully.

"That figures. Okay, everyone crowd around. I've never actually used one of these before. I think we just have to look like a group for it to move everyone. Uh, where are we going? Infirmary or the office? Did you guys just get here?"

"What is that?" asked Kiba. The man was holding a thin rectangular card, one that looked uncannily like something a certain white-haired man had used at the beginning of the Chunin exam. Only this one had a strange pattern on the back and a picture of five people flying through the air like a flock of birds on the front.

"It's a card," the man shrugged. "You can't use magic in the labyrinth halls, but cards are different. They don't use magic, they are magic. It's all internal. Or maybe that's external," he frowned. "I'm not really sure. It's like that antidote I gave you. There was some magical ingredients...maybe, I think...and I guess it uses magic when it works...unless it's just science...but it doesn't take any to...uh...activate it? Ugh, I sucked at Potions. Look, just trust me, okay? Items work. Period. The card should transport us fine. The labyrinth counts it as an item or magical creature and ignores it. I think. I'm not sure about the magical creature bit, but... Whatever, this is the closest thing I've got to a portkey. Uh, you guys don't have a portkey, do you?"

"What's a portkey?" Kiba shrugged.

"Yeah," the guy drawled, giving him a weird look. "You definitely just got here. Did Kakashi bring you here himself, or did he give you something that transported you here?"

Gaara reached into his pocket and then held his hand out, a shiny blue marble sparkling on his palm. "This was thrown to me."

"That's a portkey," the man nodded. "The moment you touch it, it activates and transports you. That's what the card does. Except that portkey only had one destination set, and you already used it, so it's useless now. This card takes you wherever you want to go. It's the same principal, though. So. Infirmary or office?"

"Can you take us to Konoha?" asked Shikamaru.

"Who wants to go there?" Kankuro scowled at him.

"We do," Naruto snapped. "And we still outnumber you."

"Easy, kids," the stranger winced, waving at them. "If this Konoha is where Kakashi picked you up, then a card ain't gonna take you there, anyway. This only works on school grounds. I'm just going to drop you off at the infirmary, alright? You can settle things once the headmaster gets back." He held the card up in one hand, at eye level. "Accompany on. Muraki."

There was a burning blue glow, the sensation of flying through the air, blurry surroundings, stinging wind, and then they were in another place, each still standing or sitting in the exact positions they had been in before. Shikamaru promptly tipped over backwards at the lack of a wall behind him. They had barely registered the white walls and a strange man, also in white, standing a short distance away. A loud gasp sounded in the room. Then there was a blur of green and an ear splitting cry of 'Neji!' They just had enough time recognize and be surprised by Lee's presence here. No one reacted quickly enough to keep him from getting bitten by his still rabid teammate.

The silver-haired man in the white jacket turned to glare at their captive. "Thank you. I just finished healing him and now he's poisoned. I do hope you have a very good explanation, Laguna-kun."

The blue-eyed man had the grace to blush. "It's all Kakashi's fault. Honest."

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: Marlboros and Laguna (pony-tail guy) are from Final Fantasy 8; the Allemange (one eyed bat thing) is from Final Fantasy 7; the Accompany card is from HunterxHunter; Muraki (silver-haired doctor guy) is from Yami no Matsuei (Descendents of Darkness).


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi regained consciousness in a cell that made the labyrinth look homey. He was shackled to a steel chair in the center of a cold room with metal tables and an assortment of wicked looking devices all set up for use. The place reeked of torture, namely sweat, blood, urine, and rot, and he had an idea they didn't bother to clean their tools any better than the rest of the room. There was a lesson to be learned from this. No underestimating ninjas. He had no sooner stepped into the tower, which the other Kakashi said their leader resided in, when he was struck on the back of the neck with something small that stung and knocked him out faster than he could blink. Clearly ninja people attacked first and asked questions later. They also did strip searches that left him rather exposed on the cold chair they had bound him to. He wondered what they thought about his wand, which they had obviously taken along with his clothes. They wouldn't have those here, of course. Wands, that is. The clothes shouldn't raise too many eyebrows unless they tried to take them apart and noticed the lack of seams. The wand was liable to cause a major freak out if they weren't careful with it. He hoped they wouldn't damage it too badly before he had a chance to reclaim it. Clow wouldn't replace it for him without asking something in return, and since there wasn't much Clow couldn't get or make on his own whatever he asked for was bound to be difficult to give. Better to avoid that if at all possible. Knowing Kakashi's luck, Clow would set his sights on one of his newly acquired students and Kakashi wanted to play with them himself at least a little before he was forced to share them around.

Not very interested in sticking around for the torture, or interrogation, whatever these ninja people called such things, he decided to bail. While he didn't particularly mind flaunting his naked body around complete strangers, they had taken his mask. He was rather surprised the other Kakashi had allowed that since they had the same face. Bad enough to be bare-assed on a cold metal chair. He refused to be bare-faced as well. He would have to pop home and get a new mask before he set about recovering his wand. And explaining himself a little better, because even rude and violent ninja types had a right to complain when their kids were taken. Not that he would give them back, under any circumstances. He had put off gathering his set of kids for way too long already. The others had invited some youngsters who could double as teachers' aides while getting a little learning in on the side, and a few young misfit outcasts had found their way in after hearing the horror stories being told about the school in the respectable parts of the wizarding world, but what they really needed was a nice little group of impressive kids who could be used as proof of what the school had to offer. Power, and a lot of it. And freedom from the rules that limited other schools. As the headmaster it was up to Kakashi to do that. He had put it off as long as possible, but it was done now. These kids were his. He would keep them until they were hooked and eager to come back to him as often as he allowed. He just wanted to be able to tell Iruka that he had addressed their complaints before considering the matter closed. Hopefully Zabusa had been bluffing. This would be difficult enough to sweep under the rug without Iruka knowing he had dragged Haku into it.

Wards throughout the room activated when he concentrated his energy. He had no idea what they were supposed to be doing, aside from crackling noisily, a few spitting out white sparks and the ones on the chair glowing pale blue. He assumed they prevented people from this dimension from using their energy somehow. There was no telling whether they would work on him. They might, and it might be painful when they did. Wards were not one of his areas of expertise. Neither was energy, for that matter. He considered himself a dabbler in the many fields of magic rather than an expert on any one particular thing. For the most part he was a proponent of instinctual and inborn magic. He no more needed his wand to apparate than he needed his energy to teleport. With his wand gone, and the wards ready to do something if he used his energy, he was forced to use a different option. He had a few dozen to choose from. He wasn't a dimension-hopping traveler for nothing.

With a sigh for being underestimated so badly, he bit his lower lip and lapped up the trickle of blood. A chirp called from above his head, bringing a wry smile to his exposed face. It was a small room, so it was just as well that he had called something small. A full grown dragon would have been more shocking, though. Just because he couldn't see anyone in the room didn't mean he wasn't being watched. Still, it was better to get a mask on before he went about explaining himself to these people. The firelizard settled on his shoulder, wrapping a slender tail around his neck. A gold? He hoped it wasn't- But a glance at the miniature dragon's swirling red eyes told him that, yes, this was Iruka's friend, and yes, his lover already knew enough to be angry with him. His luck was simply bad today. There was no other explanation. With another sigh, a forlorn one this time, he gave in to the little creature's glaring gaze. 'Home, please,' he said silently. 'My room,' he added quickly, not wanting to be brought directly to his demise. The tail tightened around his neck and the room vanished.

.-.

Iruka was horrified by the time the Hokage finished speaking. He had wondered when he might get a chance to meet the woman who had taken over the village and had been looking forward to it. Naruto had shown him the necklace she had given him and Iruka had decided he liked her already. Now here he was meeting her for the first time and she already had the worst possible impression of him. And there was really nothing he could say in his defense except the truth. That would have been so much easier if Kakashi hadn't been standing there, watching him with a masked face as unreadable as the two Anbu standing guard over the door. Only the thought of the stolen children kept him from dying of humiliation right on the spot.

"And you didn't think such strange behavior should be reported?" asked Tsunade. Her tone was censuring. Under different circumstances she would have taken secret amusement from the poor man's embarrassment. He had nearly blushed himself to death when telling about the kiss. Kakashi had flinched at that little detail. That managed to amuse her despite the circumstances. Now the intruder's strange comment to Kakashi about "dolphin porn" finally made sense. It also explained why Kakashi had found himself being stalked by pregenin. There must have been a few young eyes spying on that kiss outside the Academy.

"No," Iruka admitted, dropping his eyes with a heavy sigh. "He's a jounin. Jounin are strange by default."

Tsunade opened her mouth, glanced at Kakashi's narrow-eyed insulted expression, and sighed herself. Iruka did have a point. It was an accepted fact of life that the more powerful a shinobi got the more eccentric he became. Just look at Jiraiya and Orochimaru. She liked to think of herself as an exception, but Shizune would have argued that at length and had done so on multiple occasions. Power didn't just corrupt, it made ninjas go a bit nutty. Gai was another prime example of that. She had interviewed him before bringing in Asuma and still couldn't understand how the crazy man had been placed in charge of impressionable young shinobi. A man who considered blinding birds with a smile so normal he had honestly believed Kakashi had left that note suggesting such a thing? Actually, that was more proof that Kakashi was a strange one, too - that Gai, who interacted with him regularly, had believed it was Kakashi's brilliant idea. No, she really couldn't blame Iruka for not reporting the unusual behavior. In a ninja village unusual behavior was normal. That left Tsunade with no one to blame, though, and that was unacceptable.

"From the timeline we have, you were the first person in the village that he spoke to directly," said Tsunade. "There must be a reason he sought you out." The impostor must have said something that would give some hint as to who he was working for. She stared the shame-faced chunin down mercilessly. "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's Iruka," a voice beside her said.

Tsunade whipped around just in time to see the strange stick that had been found in the impostor's clothing float off her desk and into the man's hand. The two Anbu rushed in a second later and collided with the air two feet in front of the man as if it were an invisible wall. The man, who really did look nearly identical to Kakashi, paid his attackers no attention. He was examining his stick as if that were his only concern at the moment. Then his visible eye crinkled in a smile, which he directed at Tsunade. He gave the stick a little swish and a jug of sake appeared on her desk. A weaker woman might have flinched and demanded to know how he had done that. Tsunade merely raised an eyebrow. It was her favorite brand. How could he have known that?

"It was in the cabinet over there," the man admitted, with a wave at the cabinet in question. "I was hoping maybe we could sit down, have a drink, and discuss this in a civilized manner. I considered bringing some of my own liquor, but I figure you paranoid ninja types might worry I had poisoned it or something."

"How did you get in here?" she asked calmly. Inside she railed at the poor security. This room was supposed to be sealed. Then again, the cell he had been placed in had also been sealed. That hadn't stopped him from summoning a strange looking creature and using it to escape. The seals should have prevented an inward summon, much less an outward reverse summon.

"Magic," he said.

"Magic," she repeated. "Like the magic you teach at your magical school?"

"That's ri-" He turned suddenly and scowled at the door, which Iruka had been about to slip out of under the direction of one of the Anbu. "No, Iruka needs to stay. You two clown-masked guys can leave, though. Don't worry, I won't do anything to your leader. Not that you aren't beautiful and wonderfully proportioned," he said to Tsunade. "You really are. It's impressive, and I don't impress easily."

Tsunade ignored the flattery, if that was what it was. The comment had been given as if he were merely stating a fact, so it was hard to be sure whether she was supposed to be flattered or not. She waved the Anbu out of the room. They hadn't proven to be very useful, and there was nothing they could do that Kakashi couldn't. She wasn't so sure about having Iruka stay, though. The man was still frozen near the door, sending the impostor a glare that was surprisingly violent for a mere chunin. Had the impostor not noticed or did he just not care? "Why do you want Iruka to stay?"

"Because he's Iruka," the man repeated, with a smile at the man in question. He must have noticed the glare because his smile faded and he sighed. "You didn't return the favor, did you?"

"Of course not," Iruka bit out. His hands curled into fists at his sides. The man had used him to get to Naruto. Why wasn't Tsunade demanding to know what he had done to Naruto? And the others? There were at least seven kids unaccounted for and she was just sitting there.

"I suppose I can't blame you," the man sighed, with a glower at the stone-faced Kakashi. He shook his head and stepped around the desk. With a swish of his stick four saucers appeared next to the sake jug. Another swish and three wooden armchairs were set up across the desk from Tsunade. The cushions appeared to be covered in black silk. He sat down in the one closest to the wall and then looked back to wave Iruka over. "Have a seat, Iruka. And do stop glaring at me? I didn't mean to get you in trouble with your leader. You see? I came back to explain everything. I could have just stayed home. Most people would have if they had been knocked unconscious and stripped naked. Speaking of which," he frowned at Tsunade, "your people didn't do anything weird to my body while I was unconscious, did they? No anal probes or...any other penetrative molestation?"

"Nothing of the sort," Tsunade assured him, in a tone that screamed yes, yes we did and you'll never know how deeply we penetrated. As expected, the man looked more worried rather than less. Good. She looked past him to Iruka and Kakashi and nodded to the chairs. Kakashi gave them a discreet check with his sharingan and shook his head. Iruka came over and sat stiffly in the chair furthest from the look-alike. The man pouted at him, waved that stick again, and suddenly Iruka was sitting in the middle chair beside him. Tsunade really wanted to know how he was doing that, and just what that stick was. According to Kakashi something inside it pulsed and squirmed with energy that didn't look at all like chakra. They hadn't had a chance to bring a Hyuuga in to check it out with the byakugan. Now they probably never would. It was a damned shame. Iruka turned bright red and shot to his feet, but Tsunade waved him down sharply. They would get to the bottom of the man's fixation on the chunin soon enough. For now, the missing kids had priority. She unsealed the sake jug, which was indeed one from her own private stash, and poured them each a drink while Kakashi finally sat in the third chair. Discussing this in a civilized manner suited her just fine. But only because torturing information out of the strange man obviously wasn't an option. For now.

"I hope you didn't poison mine," the man smiled as he took his saucer. "I'm going to have Iruka take a sip of it before I do."

"It isn't poisoned." Though she had considered it.

"I don't drink," Iruka said tightly, with another seething glare at the man.

"Only because you have no tolerance for it," he said dismissively. "You shouldn't let that stop you. You're adorable when you're drunk. And very cooperative." He sent a pointed look at Kakashi. "I hope you're taking notes."

"How do you know Iruka?" Tsunade demanded. She immediately hid a wince. So much for the kids taking priority.

"He doesn't!" Iruka exclaimed.

"I don't," the man admitted. "Not this Iruka. But he has the same soul and dna as my Iruka, the same nature, it's just the nurture part that's different. You know, the ninja thing. It's the same with me and that loser," he flicked a contemptuous look at Kakashi. "Same soul, same genetic make-up, very different upbringings. The results speak for themselves, really." He shook his head and looked back at Tsunade. "Some people theorize that all worlds pull from the same set of souls and when two dimensions pull on the same soul at the same time, they both get a copy. With me, Iruka, and Haku there are least three souls that your dimension shares with mine. Though Haku wasn't originally from mine. He just came over to go to our school."

"And Zabusa," said Kakashi. He had already told Tsunade about that, but it was worth repeating.

"Zabusa, too?" the man asked in surprise. "I always thought those two were suspiciously close for having been born in different dimensions. If their souls were entwined here, then that explains a lot. Fate is a funny lady when it comes to making sure linked souls find each other again." He was quiet for a moment, and then his eye promptly narrowed in suspicion. "You killed him, too, didn't you? There is no way you would have been able to kill Haku without taking Zabusa out first. You really are an irredeemable villain."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. If the man was telling the truth then the Zabusa and Haku he knew were very different from the two Kakashi's team had encountered. Actually, the fact that the Zabusa and Haku he claimed to know were so different lent his story a ring of truth she would have rather it not have. "Let's say we believe you, that you really did come here from another dimension. Why did you come to this one in order to get children for this 'school' of yours?"

"Because Iruka is here. You have to understand, I have traveled to many dimensions and never run across another Iruka until now. Or another me, but as you can see that turned out to be very disappointing. Iruka, on the other hand..." He sighed and smiled at the man, apparently oblivious to the fury boiling out of him. "I really do like the muscles. Very nice."

Iruka let out a strangled noise between his clenched teeth. Did the Hokage really expect him to just sit here and put up with this...this harassment? In front of the real Kakashi? The impostor had made a fool of him and was now trying to blame his very presence here on him. He couldn't take it. He rounded on the man and had a bit of satisfaction at the way he recoiled. Unfortunately he looked more startled than alarmed. "What did you do with Naruto? Where did you take the children?"

"I dropped them off at my school. There's really no need to worry about them. They'll learn some magic, have some fun, maybe show off a little if all goes well, and then they'll come back here stronger than ever. I'm doing you guys a favor, if you think about it. The ninja thing means you're assassins and mercenaries for hire, right? Killing people and stuff? Magic is really useful when it comes to killing people. Not that we allow that on school grounds," he told Tsunade, in an apologetic tone. "It's one of the few rules we have - no killing each other. We just don't have enough students at present for that sort of thing, and we'd prefer to keep the ones we do get alive if at all possible. But I'm sure we can arrange some field trips to hunt down dark wizards and death eaters if you'd like your kids to get some practice in that will make them better at it when they get back home." He shrugged and offered, "Or maybe they can take out of a few of your Akatsuki as their final exam this year. I'm open to requests."

Tsunade stared at the man for a long silent moment, and then lifted her saucer. She drank the entire serving and poured another before she could control her temper enough to speak. "You think one chunin and a handful of genin can 'take out a few' Akatsuki members? Explain your logic."

"They're the most promising youngsters in your village, aren't they? I'm sure they'll advance rapidly once we start building on their natural talents. Especially the two with demons. The sand one is buried a little deep, but that fox is a bundle of energy. He's going to love the school once he gets a chance to stretch his legs a little." His smile faded when he noticed the horror spreading across Tsunade's face. He blinked, glanced at Iruka and Kakashi, and then frowned in confusion. "What? What did I say?"

"Sand?" Tsunade bit out. "You took Gaara? Looking like that?" And what the hell did he mean about the fox stretching his legs? Was he referring to Naruto or Kyuubi? She wanted to pounce on that, desperately, but as Hokage there was a much more pressing problem at the moment. If Gaara had been abducted by someone who looked like Kakashi it would destroy the freshly formed alliance. It might even lead to outright war. "Did anyone see you?"

"Just Gaara," the man frowned. "And some kid with red marks on his face who was with him. He seemed pretty strong, so I took him, too."

Tsunade downed her second saucer and then rubbed her fingers into her throbbing temples. The man offered his own saucer to Iruka, who let out another strangled growl, and she scowled at the bristling chunin. "Just take a sip to prove it's not poisoned." As if one sip of alcohol really mattered at this point.

"Or you could drink it all," the man leered at Iruka, "and I can take a sip from your lips." His flirtation was ruined when Kakashi snatched the saucer out of his hand without spilling a drop. He scowled over at him.

"You're blowing your cover story," Kakashi said scathingly. He took a sip from the saucer and handed it back with a disgusted look. "No version of me could possibly act as you do. You're pathetic."

"Me? You're not even in charge here! You're a celibate child-killing...subordinate. I bet you go home at night to house full of cats. Or dogs, according to Kiba, as if that's any better." He turned the saucer so he wouldn't touch the same part Kakashi had and drank the rest. He set it down and scowled at Tsunade. "He can leave. Just looking at him is depressing."

"I'd rather he stayed," Tsunade informed him. "Iruka, on the other hand, will leave if his presence keeps distracting you from the topic at hand."

The man raised an eyebrow at that. "I'm not distracted. I'm just done. I have explained everything as well as I can. Your children will be attending my school, learning magic and growing stronger, and then I'll send them back here. Next semester, I'll have them fetched so they can learn some more. The only question left is whether or not I can do anything to make this easier for you people to accept. I don't have to do anything, you realize. I'm just being nice out of consideration for how the nice the kids are."

"What you can do is bring them back," said Tsunade. "Now. They are important members of this village and we can't spare them."

"It won't be for long-"

"You said yourself that you planned to make them strong enough to 'take out a few' Akatsuki. That would take years."

"Not really," the man said, with a pitying look. "There is only one Akatsuki that we know for sure is able to cross dimensions. Unless he takes the others with him, the rest are trapped here. I could take the rest of them out myself just by transporting them to a different dimension and leaving them there. Problem solved. If I dropped them off in one of the demon realms they might even enjoy themselves there. The odds of the dimension-hopper finding them during his lifetime are pretty low. For the kids, yeah, it might take a few semesters before they're strong enough to defeat them in actual duels. But that's our time, not yours. If you have some star charts I can make sure they come back here within a few days, your time. That's the best I can offer," he admitted. "Any closer than that and they would risk the chance of the same copy of the soul being in the same world at the same time. Never a good thing. That weakens people and sometimes they die. I try to avoid that."

"If the Akatsuki had access to other dimensions," which she didn't believe for a second, "then they would have access to the same magic you claim your school teaches. There is no evidence of that."

"Of course there is," he sighed. "I'm evidence. As I told him," he jerked his thumb at Kakashi, "the only reason this realm was on my travel list is because one of your Akatsuki had crossed from this dimension into another one. Not my dimension so far as I know, but one close enough for our Aurors to take notice. And if they noticed, the Death Eaters will. Then it's only a matter of time before they come sniffing around and looking to join up with people as evil as them. Then they'll be sharing dark magic in exchange for your ninja stuff and both will come out more powerful than ever. Wouldn't it be good if you already have kids able to take them out before that happens? Really, you guys will be coming out ahead no matter how you look at it."

"Did you speak to the children after dropping them off at your school?" asked Iruka. The Hokage shot him a quelling look. He ignored it. Something had occurred to him. He was confident she would be glad he had spoken up in just a moment.

"Not really," the man admitted. "I left them in the Labyrinth. That's a maze of ours, nice training for those who rely on magic too much, but in this case I just set it up to keep them busy and allow for a little bonding. I'll give them an introduction to the school when I get back."

Iruka had thought as much. "How do you intend to convince them to learn from you? As shinobi their primary goal will be to find some means of escape and to return to their village. Do you plan to force their cooperation the entire time they're with you? Or will your magic let you trick them into thinking they want to be there?"

The man frowned at him suspiciously. "You think they won't want to stay? They'll be learning things they never dreamed were possible. Of course they'll want to stay."

"They won't," said Tsunade. She nodded at Iruka, impressed that he had found what was obviously a flaw in the man's plan. "Shinobi are loyal to their village above all else. Unless they are ordered by their village to cooperate fully, they will remain enemies in captivity and will act accordingly no matter how long you hold them against their will. Even if you did find a way to bend some of their minds, that will simply force the others to kill the compromised party for the good of the village. If you want to turn our shinobi into willing and enthusiastic students, you'll have to hire them for that mission."

"Hire them?"

"Yes," she smirked. "And it won't be cheap."

.-.

Kakashi was both irritated and amused by the way things had twisted around on him. Iruka had blown right past not liking him into seriously disliking him. He hadn't seen that coming at all. And the big busted ninja leader seemed convinced that all of the chips lay in her pile. That was completely backwards. The gall of these people. He was a bit impressed, honestly. He slid his empty sake saucer over for the lady to refill and then left it sitting on her desk. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. This was about to get interesting.

"Are you saying that you have complete control over your 'shinobi' even when they are residing in a dimension you cannot possibly reach or affect? One word from you and they will become obedient students even if they would personally rather not? Simply because they're ninjas and cannot disobey an order from their leader?"

"Precisely," said Tsunade.

"Prove it, please," Kakashi smiled. His eye sparkled when her eyes narrowed. "Iruka is one of your shinobi. Give him an order he would rather not obey." The man beside him became a statue. Kakashi felt rather sorry for him. This Iruka was going be sore later from tensing so much, and he wouldn't even have him to massage the kinks out for him. But despite the differences, this Iruka was still Iruka. Stubborn to a fault, with a moral rigidity Kakashi had always found both frustrating and endearing, and the tendency to snap explosively if pressed to do something he was vehemently opposed to doing. Kakashi eyed the man's profile and hummed. "You can start by having him drink that." Iruka didn't so much as twitch. The woman, on the other hand, gave him a rather nasty glare.

"I am not going to toy with one of my shinobi for your amusement," she snapped.

"It would have been a simple order," he pointed out calmly. "Something that would merely inconvenience him. And he's right in front of you. The kids, on the other hand, won't be seeing you at all. If you can't control someone right in front of you in a simple way, how could your 'order' possibly have a sway on kids who are in an entirely different dimension? There is no point in my negotiating with you to 'hire them' when you can't even control-"

Iruka leaned forward and snatched up the saucer, draining it in one go. Kakashi winced and slumped a little in his chair. He really should have seen that coming. Stubborn loyal dolphin always willing to prove his convictions by whatever means necessary. This wasn't necessary, though. This just proved his point that only those 'shinobi' willing to follow their orders would do so - even if they hadn't officially been given the order. They would do it because they were willing - not because they had been ordered. And now Kakashi couldn't even point that out without hurting Iruka's feelings. The man shot him a challenging glare that would have carried more weight if his face hadn't been flushed from the alcohol. Poor Iruka was going to lose his filter now and it was all his fault.

He gave the man a sad smile. "Your loyalty was never in question, Iruka. Of course you would willingly inconvenience yourself. It's in your nature to be loyal and self-sacrificing. That wouldn't change no matter what strange ninja world you grew up in. The question is whether or not she has the power to force obedience out of the unwilling by appealing to their loyalty."

"Every Konoha shinobi is loyal to the village," Iruka said heatedly, "otherwise he would not be a Konoha shinobi. You insult the village, our Hokage, and the children themselves by implying otherwise. You know nothing about them or us. The children you took aren't just 'kids'. They're genin, a chunin, and at least two future Kages. They're shinobi! You're a fool if you don't realize the dangerous enemies they could become to you if you were to try to keep them by force."

"I realize they could be very troublesome," Kakashi assured him. A tipsy Iruka was dangerous outside the bedroom. He would have to handle him carefully. "That's why I'm giving your leader a chance to prove that her order is something worth having. Because if it isn't, there is no point even having this discussion. You see?" From Iruka's glare the man obviously didn't 'see'. Instead, he appeared to be even more insulted. Kakashi sighed and turned back to the woman who was watching the two of them very carefully. "I hope you see my problem."

"I do," said Tsunade. "As Iruka pointed out, you know nothing about us. That's your problem. Unfortunately there isn't a quick or easy solution to that." She folded her hands on her desk and resumed that catty smile that claimed she had all the chips in this wager. "The only way to prove that my order will compel the shinobi you have taken to obey is for me to issue it and for you to see for yourself the weight it carries. I can't do that without the village being compensated properly for the loss of those shinobi during the duration of their mission. The onus is on you to purchase our cooperation and then, if you find that the order is not being carried out properly, you will be within your rights to complain to me and I will issue further orders as needed or refund the remainder of your payment in exchange for the return of whichever shinobi you find unsatisfactory in their performance of the task they were hired to perform."

Kakashi glowered at her. "I gather we're not talking about payment with money here. I have already offered to do a few favors to make up for the loss of the kids. If you want to negotiate terms based on their performance while at my school, then I would need some assurance that you're not hoping to sabotage my side of the trade by issuing an order that will have them behaving so badly I end up returning them. I know that's your ultimate goal. I wasn't born yesterday. Let me be perfectly clear. I won't be returning them until I'm done with them, no matter what they do. It would be annoying to have to force the kids to partipate in the learning my school offers, but I would have no trouble doing it. I took a few teammates, after all. A few threats against one should guarantee the cooperation of the other fairly quickly. I would prefer that they learn to enjoy the school and come back willingly, but if that isn't an option I can be very...persuasive. The ultimate outcome will remain the same whether I leave now or continue discussing this with you. I'm keeping the children until I'm done with them for now, then I will return them until it's time to bring them back to the school. That isn't going to change no matter what you do. If you want to negotiate a trade that will buy their cooperation and make things easier for me, I'm all for it. Less trouble on my end. But if you use that as a chance to undermine my efforts, the only people you will hurt are your kids, because then I will be right back to using whatever means necessary to get the results I want from them."

"The Hokage would never do anything to endanger the children!" Iruka growled. "How dare you suggest such a thing!"

Even the woman winced at that. Kakashi shot her a commiserating look. How quickly Iruka went from calling them shinobi to thinking of them as children again. Even in this world, Iruka could be a bit naive. It was one of his more charming aspects, though, so Kakashi prefered not to pop that bubble if he didn't absolutely have to. "Of course," he said to Iruka, in a soothing tone that only served to irritate the man even more. "I didn't mean any insult. I just want things to be perfectly clear."

"Which they are," Tsunade said, with a quelling look at Iruka that was completely useless since the man was still glaring at Kakashi. She frowned for a moment before giving up on that. She shook her head at Kakashi. "Knowing that we have no way to protect the children from here, of course I wouldn't issue them an order that would put them into further danger. My aim is solely to minimize the danger to and from them, by ensuring things go as smoothly for them as they do for you. And us, since we would really prefer that the children not be returned as shattered shells of their former selves."

Iruka flinched at that possibility, and Kakashi reassured him before he could erupt. "I'm not going to break them. I promise. You're there, too, after all. You would never let me get away with that. Can you imagine any version of yourself that would allow me to do permanent damage to innocent children? You would have me hung up by my balls for even thinking about it." Iruka's eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed in disbelief. As if he couldn't even imagine having such influence over him. It was all Kakashi could do not to string this world's Kakashi up by his balls right now. What was wrong with the man? What had he done to make Iruka so unsure of himself? His own Iruka suffered moments of doubt when he failed to persuade Kakashi on all manner of subjects, but at the end of the day he knew he was the only one whose opinion held any sway. Because as much fun as it was to torment Iruka, it didn't compare to being on Iruka's good side. It was a real shame his Iruka would never go for a threesome. He really wanted to take this one home with him.

"As far as my orders go," Tsunade said, drawing Kakashi's attention back to her, "you can put your fears aside. What remains to be discussed is compensation. You claim they will be gone for less than a week. That is difficult to believe, but even if it were true, that's a long time during which their absence will be felt. There will be consequences of that absence. Gaara's absence in particular. I have no sway over him. Even if we cooperate fully with you, Sand is liable to hold us responsible once Gaara is returned and they learn that he was taken alongside Konoha shinobi, who were ordered by me to cooperate with you. If that leads us into a war with Sand countless people will die. How do you propose to prevent that?"

Now he had to prevent a war that hadn't even happened yet? Kakashi sighed in tired annoyance. "I suppose I can appeal to his leader to make it an order so-"

"Sand has no leader. Gaara is the closest thing Sand has to a leader."

"Really?" Kakashi let out a startled laugh. "I would never have guessed. I'm surprised he didn't have more protection if he's that important. No wonder his name kept popping up here." He hadn't thought much of the kid's demon, but if he were considered that powerful here he was bound to be strong. He couldn't wait to see what the kid managed to do at the school. For Tsunade he merely shrugged. "If he's basically the leader, then you shouldn't have to worry about him starting any trouble. I'll make sure he doesn't blame your village for any of this before I send him home. And if he gets stubborn about it, I'll hang around after I drop him off, or send someone else to flex some magic muscles. If you view this in terms of alliances, you could consider my school the same as one of your villages. Better to be allied with us than to be our enemy. Friends of friends are friends and all that. Besides, he has a demon. It's only a matter of time before your Akatsuki group rips his soul out. I'm pretty sure his demon would like to avoid that the same as the fox. I haven't actually gotten to talk to him yet. He's buried a little too deeply for me. But, yeah, for the most part all but the darkest wizards are against soul stealing on principle. That makes the Akatsuki our enemy, and the enemy of your enemy is another friend. I'm sure this will work out nicely for everyone involved. Except the Akatsuki, of course. They'll have to give up on their demon harvesting and illicit dimension hopping if they want to be left alone. Our Aurors don't see that happening any time soon."

The woman quickly got down to specifics. Kakashi found himself having to explain time travel based on the movement of stars, which definitely wasn't one of his specialties. And the sort of summons that could cross dimensions, because as he had suspected they had been watching him in that cell and were very curious about how he had gotten out of it. He was quick to warn them that while the kids he had taken would be able to summon a creature from their world, that creature would not be able to return on its own and certainly wouldn't be able to bring one of the kids back with it. By the time Kakashi realized Tsunade was conning him into using information as payment, he was wishing he had sucked it up and talked to Iruka. Iruka could have explained all of this in his place and would have done a much better job because he had the patience to learn about everything, even things he would never have the magic to do himself. On the other hand, he didn't want this world's Kakashi anywhere near his Iruka. So he answered the woman's questions, got the star charts he would need when it came time to return the kids, and promised to lend a few magical creatures to do some intelligence gathering on those Akatsuki for them. In return he received a mission scroll, a summoning scroll, and a demand for progress reports. Had he been a nicer person he would have warned her that progress reports were a bad idea. Depending on how long he kept the kids and how often they wrote reports, she might be receiving a new report every hour for the entire week they were away. But that was her headache, so she could deal with it.

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: The firelizard is from that series of books where people ride dragons written by that author who doesn't allow fanfiction, so I'm not naming it here.


	10. Chapter 10

Lee was shocked to learn that the man who had brought him here was not, in fact, the real Kakashi. He owed that man a debt he could never repay. And that man was an enemy? He owed a debt to an enemy? He refused to believe that. He didn't argue with them, though. Something was very wrong with Neji. He had been horrified at first sight of him all tied up, particularly the way Kiba's foot had been planted on the small of his back to hold him down. Lee wasn't going to forget that any time soon, regardless of the reasons. His first thought had been to defend his teammate's pride. Two bites later he understood the ropes, but they still could have immobilized Neji in a less humiliating manner. Lee restrained him with an arm under his chin to keep his teeth from doing any more damage and used his sleeve to wipe some of the blood off his snarling mouth. His sleeve was immediately caught and ripped and he found himself forced to admit the others might be somewhat justified for not attempting to clean him up. He appeared to be completely rabid. Considering Neji's normal composure it was downright disturbing to see him like this.

"An animal did this to him?" asked Lee.

"More like a plant animal monster thing," said Kiba. While he had no sympathy for Neji, he did feel for Lee. They should have tried harder to keep him from touching his teammate. Lee's right hand was a bloody mess, with bone peeking out in places. If Lee hadn't reacted quickly he probably would have lost some fingers.

"I can get rid of the status effects now," Laguna said quickly. "All of you gather as closely together as you can and it'll be faster."

"Still can't perform a proper All?" Muraki drawled.

Laguna bristled and flushed irritably. "At least I can cast an Esuna."

"One would hope so, considering the creatures you keep company with. May I assume one of your pets is responsible for this?"

"A Marlboro," Laguna muttered. "But it would never have happened if Kakashi hadn't put them in the labyrinth when I had the forest reserved."

"But it's really not our Kakashi," Naruto insisted to Lee. "They keep calling the guy that, but it's not the Kakashi we know."

Lee admitted he didn't know the 'real' Kakashi well enough to tell what might have been different about the man who had brought him here. In this case, he would take Naruto's word on the matter. He used the back of his hand to keep Neji's head from wrenching toward the others as they crowded closer together. The dark haired man drew a slender polished stick from inside his jacket and waved it at them, and a pale green mist trickled down from the air above their heads. Lee's eyes widened at the strange technique, and the rather refreshing tingle the mist had against his throbbing hand. Then he realized Neji had completely frozen. One glance at his face and Lee released him, quickly untying the ropes around his arms. If he was confused, he could only imagine how Neji felt. This was going to be difficult.

"Just a second," Laguna winced. His first spell had only caught the ones in the middle. It took two more castings before he was confident the spell had gotten them all. He immediately started edging toward the door.

"Not so fast," said Muraki. "Your curaga should be enough to heal the damage your carelessness caused to my patient, as well as any other minor injuries they might be suffering. Since you brought them here, they are yours to watch."

"But they're Kakashi's students! He's the one who-"

"You used a card to bring them here," said Muraki. "Shall I mention that to Clow?"

Laguna snapped his mouth shut. Kakashi was really going to owe him for this one.

Naruto tensed when the silver haired man crouched down in front of him and Sasuke. The man looked nice, almost pretty with his short fluffy hair and pale blue eye. He even smiled nice. Everything in his demeanor was warm and compassionate and normally would have put Naruto at ease. Right now it made him more wary than ever.

"Everything is going to be fine," Muraki smiled. "I'll have the two of you put to rights in no time."

"It's true," said Lee. "Muraki-sensei is an amazing doctor. I don't know how he did it, but he healed me completely. Even our doctors said that wouldn't be possible without life threatening surgeries and perhaps years of physical therapy. He just put me to sleep and I woke up as good as new!" His smile faltered a bit when Neji finally lifted his head and looked back at him. His teammate still had blood and dirt on his face, and his hair was a mess, but Lee had no trouble reading the shock and suspicion in his eyes. He found himself giving a smug grin, the sort that would really annoy Neji and help him see that things really were going to go back to normal now. "I told you so."

Neji scoffed under his breath. He didn't know what the hell had happened, but it was obvious Lee considered himself ready to tackle the world again. The optimistic fool. He turned away and resumed undoing the ropes around his legs. He hurt all over, had blood in his mouth, and he had no idea where they were or what was going on. Lee wasn't supposed to be here. Instead of getting caught on that he focused on the ropes. Someone had tied him up. There had better be a very good reason for that or they were all going to pay.

Shikamaru was torn between following Naruto and keeping an eye on the others. They were supposed to stick together in situations like this, not let themselves be separated. But Lee's presence changed things significantly. He did appear to be completely healed. Rumor had it that even Tsunade had balked at attempting to repair the damage Lee had suffered because such complicated surgery was more likely to kill him than to fix him. If these people could put him back together then patching up Naruto and Sasuke would be easy. Shikamaru still didn't like it. At least they weren't leaving the room. Lee helped Naruto carry Sasuke over to a cot across the way and then the man in white pulled the curtain so there was only a thin piece of cloth separating the two from the rest of them. Surely even Naruto couldn't get into too much trouble when he was just a few feet away from the rest of them. And, anyway, the fake Kakashi had already proven he could separate them all any time he liked.

"Hold your hand out," Laguna said to Lee when the boy returned. The first bite had caught him between the thumb and index finger, with the second bite peeling everything back some more until Laguna's stomach churned at the mess. Amazing the kid was still so mobile and chipper looking. But Kakashi had picked him, so he shouldn't be so surprised. He cast a curaga over the boy's hand. Then he had to cast it again because he wasn't a healer, damn it. Muraki was just trying to make him look bad in front of the new kids. As if Laguna needed any help with that after the way they had pounced on him in the labyrinth.

"Is all healing magic green?" asked Lee.

Shikamaru sighed when Neji sent him a sharp look. None of the others had brought up the possibility, so as far as he knew he and Neji were the only ones who had even considered it. The others had been left with teammates, so they hadn't had any reason to distrust each other on sight the way he and Neji had. Introducing this to Kankuro was asking for trouble. But with Lee it was hard to ignore the obvious. If these people could mimic Kakashi well enough for the fake to move freely through Konoha, even have conversations with casual acquaintances like Asuma, then they might be able to mimic anyone. Neji had used his byakugan on the fake Kakashi, but all that proved was that the man hadn't been using a henge. According to Neji all humans had the same chakra pathways, which only looked different when they were actually using their chakra. Without seeing something that couldn't be copied easily, like Shino's bugs or Gaara's sand, there was no quick way to tell the real person from a possible fake. Lee didn't have any special ninjutsu that would prove at a glance that he was the real thing. He hadn't been left with the rest of them, he appeared completely healed unlike the 'real' Lee, and he knew something about the magic these people used? It screamed fake. But if Neji called him on it now, openly, it would open the door for mistrust and accusations and probably some violence right when they really needed to work together.

"The kinds I use are green," Laguna admitted. "But I only have a few curative spells. I prefer items for healing purposes." Unfortunately he couldn't actually make most of the items he carried, so he wasn't about to use them on minor injuries. He would rather cast curaga five times in a row than waste an elixir. He shot a look at Kankuro, who was still flashing around that weapon of his, and quickly focused on Shikamaru instead. "How badly were you bitten?"

"He took off a nice chunk," Shikamaru drawled. He was amused by the way Neji's eyes narrowed. Was he even going to ask why he had been hogtied with blood in his mouth? Probably not. Someone was bound to tell him. A glance found Kiba eager to do just that, judging by his grin. He unwrapped the bandage on his arm while he waited for it.

"That poison turned you into a rabid weasel," Kiba laughed at Neji. "Flopping around trying to eat people. Shikamaru took a full blast and nothing, but you? Full blown frothing cannibal. That guy said the effects depend on your 'natural immunities'. You obviously have none."

Laguna frowned. "That's not what I-"

Shino interrupted him, stepping up to the bristling Neji. "You might want to purge before you finish digesting. Even if this is the real Lee, we don't know what his hand may have come into contact with before you started eating it."

Kankuro's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, if he's the real one?"

Lee gasped. "My hands are perfectly clean! I washed them as soon as I woke up." He scowled at Kiba for a moment, and then sighed at Neji. "I'm sure you'd like to wash up, though. Come, I believe there is a sink next to each cot." And a mirror, so Neji could do something with his hair. If Neji felt humiliated now, he was going to be horrified when he saw his reflection. Lee caught his arm and pulled him toward the curtained cot on the far end of the room. He wasn't surprised when Neji wrenched his arm free. He still followed him, as he had expected he would.

Shino watched the two, noting that the area behind the curtain looked the same as the one Naruto had gone into, and that Neji didn't say anything when Lee closed the curtain from the inside. If anyone would be able to tell this Lee from a fake, it was his own teammate. He said as much to Kankuro, who glowered and eyed them all with suspicion.

"Let's not borrow trouble," Shikamaru muttered to Shino. He should have known one of the others would pick up on the possibility of a fake. But there wasn't anything they could do about it aside from taking anyone they met here hostage and hoping the fake Kakashi didn't just pop in and snatch them all one by one again. If they decided to take that route, they still had their original hostage. He held his arm out to the black haired man and frowned at the green glow that surrounded his injury. Magic? Obviously. All ninjutsu was magic, especially to those who didn't know anything about chakra. This man just used a stick for it rather than hand seals. "Your name is Laguna?"

"Yes. Laguna Loire."

The man smiled, looking pleased and surprised. Shikamaru wondered for the first time how this might be for him if he were telling the truth, to go from minding his herd of monsters to being taken captive by a group of strange kids with sharp weapons. If this Laguna was blaming the fake Kakashi then they had a common enemy. That might come in handy. He held out his hand. "My name is Shikamaru."

"Nice to meet you, Shikamaru," Laguna beamed. He gave the hand a hearty shake. Maybe these kids weren't that bad. It wasn't their fault Kakashi was an uncontrollable menace.

"You're making friends with him?" Kankuro demanded. "What the hell is wrong with you? We should be getting the hell out of here, not waiting for that man to come back and finish what he started." Whatever that was. They didn't even know why they had been taken, much less what their kidnapper intended to 'use' them for. He turned to Gaara. "I say we look around. There's no reason for us to sit here and-"

"We stay together," said Gaara.

"Then we can all go! We can come back for the invalids once we find a way out. Staying here won't-"

"That's a bad idea," Laguna winced. "I guess I could show you around a little, at least as far as the office. But you really don't want to leave anyone alone here. Trust me."

"Why not?" asked Shikamaru. He had no intention of going anywhere without Naruto and Neji, but he was suspicious about Laguna's suddenly wary expression.

Laguna shifted uneasily. "It's just better if you..." He shot a glance at the curtain Muraki had disappeared behind and dropped his voice, "...use the buddy system. Lots of dangerous places and...people around here. Can't be too careful, you know? At least until you get used to everything. We try to pair students up for the most part. There is an odd number of you, so maybe you can have one person stay behind with the other two. Just to be safe, you know?" Because one of those other two was unconscious, leaving only one alone with Muraki. That was never a good thing. Although, the odd looking boy in green had apparently been alone with Muraki and he seemed pretty happy with Muraki's services, so maybe Laguna was worrying for nothing. These were Kakashi's students, after all. Even Muraki wouldn't want to get on Kakashi's bad side. Assuming Kakashi would mind. It was really hard to predict how Kakashi would react to something. The man really was a menace.

"I'll stay," said Gaara.

"We're all staying," Shikamaru muttered. He scowled when Gaara didn't even glance back. The redhead crossed the room and slipped behind the curtain Naruto had gone through. Just great. Because having Naruto out of sight with a known psychopath like Gaara was so much better than having him out of sight with a healer who might possibly be dangerous. Shikamaru shoved himself to his feet and would have followed if Kankuro hadn't caught his arm.

"Don't borrow trouble," Kankuro sneered at the boy. "Take your own advice. If he wants to do something, there isn't anything you can do to stop him. Leave him be." He didn't know what Gaara was thinking, which was nothing new. But he did have Gaara's word that he wanted to change, to do things differently. Naruto was to blame for that, so he could deal with the consequences.

.-.

Naruto's distrust vanished the moment the doctor untied Sasuke's forehead protector. Muraki had intended to cut the cloth with a scalpel. Naruto had stopped him, planning to tell him how important the forehead protectors were to them, but then their eyes met and the man smiled and he knew he didn't have to explain anything. The man removed it gently, unwrapped the bandages beneath, and pronounced the wound minor, likely having caused a concussion that he would recover from on his own if necessary, but it wouldn't be necessary because Muraki would have it fixed in no time. Naruto believed him. Sasuke was breathing fine now, just sleeping, so when Muraki suggested he take care of Naruto's injuries first that sounded fine. The only problem was the chain. He couldn't reach the next cot over when the chain was only a few inches long.

"Kakashi placed that on you?" asked Muraki. He ran his hand lightly over the chain, and winced when silvery currents crackled up against his palm. He gave Naruto a reassuring smile when the boy looked concerned. "It can't actually hurt me, you see?" He showed his unmarked palm. "It's just a warning. I can't remove this for you, but I can tell you how to alter it yourself. It's an archaic method to force bonding. When you work together, with your thoughts and desires united, the chain will become as long or as short as you both want it to be. When your thoughts are opposed, it will shorten to force you closer physically. Since he is currently unconscious you can make it as long as you like. Give it a try."

"Just by thinking about it?" asked Naruto. That sounded weird, but if Muraki said so it must be true. That might explain why the chain had kept changing lengths on them earlier. He focused on the chain, imagining it longer, willing it longer, and suddenly there was a whole length of chain links puddled on the floor next to Sasuke's cot. Naruto grinned. "I did it! And it was easy."

"Of course."

"How long can I make it?"

"As long as you like, I suspect. This should do for now." Muraki pulled aside the curtain blocking the next cot and waved Naruto over to it. The boy happily complied, proving himself biddable and sweet and really far too easy. He was curious to see how long that lasted once the boy's demon woke up. "Remove your coat and let's see what condition you're in."

"I feel pretty good," Naruto admitted. "Just a little sore. Normally I'd be fine by now."

"But you aren't," Muraki nodded. "That's because Kakashi placed a sleeping spell on your demon."

"What?" Naruto's eyes widened in shock. For a moment he was almost afraid, because how could this man know about Kyuubi? How could that Kakashi impersonator have done something to Kyuubi? His stomach clenched and his breath caught in his throat, and then Muraki laid a gentle hand on his sore cheek and smiled again, and Naruto exhaled heavily. There was no point getting all worked up about it. "No one is supposed to know," he whispered. Muraki already knew, but he didn't want the others to overhear.

"Don't worry about that. They can't hear anything past the curtains. Patients in my ward have complete privacy. Your secrets will always be safe with me."

Naruto sighed with relief. It would be so nice to have someone to talk to about Kyuubi. Jiraiya had taught him to pull on the fox's chakra, but even he didn't seem to realize that red chakra came from the nine-tailed demon everyone in Konoha feared. Iruka was the only one Naruto was sure knew the truth, and Naruto would never want to remind him. Iruka liked him despite the demon. Naruto doubted anyone else would. He removed his coat and then his shirt and then he had another brief moment of worry. Something about this was weird. That black spiral was visible on his stomach. Naruto had only seen it a few times himself, mostly when he was training shirtless with his bunshin. He had never meant for anyone else to see it, especially not a stranger. And Muraki was a stranger, someone tied to the fake Kakashi, someone who might be responsible for kidnapping him and Sasuke and the others and placing them in this mess. He shouldn't be trusting him like this. He definitely shouldn't be letting him see his seal. His eyes flashed up and Muraki smiled. It was like a wash of warm calm, like soaking in an onsen with Jiraiya after a hard day of training.

"Everything is going to be fine," said Muraki.

"Yeah," Naruto smiled back. "I know." He was just tired, that was all. Tired of being lost in that maze and worrying about Sasuke and what was going to happen to them, and tired of hurting because he wasn't healing like he was supposed to be. And that was all the fake Kakashi's fault because he had done something to Kyuubi. Naruto looked down at his stomach again, with curiosity rather than worry this time. "How do you know that man did something?" The spiral looked the same as always to him.

"Because I can see his spell," said Muraki, "with this." He brushed the silver hair off his left eye and flashed it at Naruto. The boy's eyes blanked abruptly, and Muraki scoffed under his breath. Much too easy. It almost took the fun out of it. He traced a finger over the outside of that black seal and read the bright blue inscription that flashed on the boy's skin. Unlike the chain, Kakashi had designed this spell to be easily removed. Even Laguna could have done so if he'd had the eyes to see it in the first place. Muraki didn't bother with a wand. He pressed the nail of his index finger into the text on top of the spiral and scraped it off one side and then the other side. The boy flinched, awareness flashing back to his eyes, and Muraki rose with his demonic eye safely hidden behind his bangs once more.

"I'm sorry if it burns," Muraki said gently. "With your demon's energy flowing freely again the scrape should heal quickly. Why don't you lie down and rest a bit until you feel better. Then you can clean yourself up. I'll see to your friend in the meantime."

"Okay," Naruto murmured. He felt confused and tired and lying down for a minute sounded like a really good idea. His stomach burned and stung, but he didn't want to look, didn't want to touch it. Even his fingers were heavy. He scooted back until his legs were on the cot and flopped down on his back. Yeah, a nap was just what he needed. He heard the curtain being pulled, and he thought about looking, but his eyelids were as heavy as the rest of him so he didn't.

He didn't know how much time passed before he found himself sitting outside Kyuubi's cage. He was sitting in the water, or maybe that was Kyuubi's drool that coated the floor of this place and made it so gross. And he was sitting in that? He shoved to his feet, grossed out and more confused than ever. The wetness fell right off rather than sticking to him, so maybe it wasn't water or drool. He was just glad to have it off of him. Then he looked up and found the fox staring back at him with half lidded eyes. There was no grin, no hint of teeth, just the sense of an enormous power and those eyes behind the bars. Naruto scowled at him, because showing bravado and copping an attitude was the only way he knew to avoid being intimidated by the demon. "What, are you half asleep? Not even going to snarl at me?"

"Don't bother me for no reason unless you're going to come close enough for me to catch and kill you," Kyuubi growled. He had been having a good dream. He couldn't remember the last time he had dreamed of anything beyond the bloody destruction of his oppressors. This dream had been one of freedom and possibilities and a compromise. His eyes narrowed at that. What sort of compromise and with whom? Was it a real dream or a memory? The thought of that had him baring his teeth at the Naruto. "Has that boy been in here?"

"What? Who?"

"The one with the sharingan!" But that boy only had two marks in his eyes. Didn't he? Surely it would take a fully developed sharingan to affect him directly.

"Are you talking about Sasuke? Coming in here?" Naruto made a face at the crazy fox. "Don't be stupid. This is in my head, right? He can't come in my head."

Only because he didn't have the fully developed eyes. But the man did, the teacher, team leader, the one with only one of the eyes. Kyuubi had a vague memory of that, just before the dream, a flash of an eye. One eye, not two, with three marks like Madara's but nothing like his power. Except it hadn't been the man Naruto knew. It had been someone else, the one responsible for snatching Naruto's 'friends' one by one and taking them out of their world. Kyuubi came fully awake at that, shock coursing through him until his energy seeped out between the bars of the cage and Naruto scrambled away from it. They were no longer in their world. How could he have slept through that? How could he have allowed himself to be sent off into a fanciful dream while they were being taken out of the only world he had ever known? And where were they now?

Kyuubi lurched toward the bars, hating his inability to do anything without acting through this clueless child. "What are you doing in here? If you need energy then take it and go find out where we are!"

"I've been trying to figure that out since we got dumped here," Naruto shot back. Where did Kyuubi get off being angry with him? The fox had apparently been asleep the entire time like a useless lump. Naruto didn't particularly want his energy, but if the fox was offering he should probably take it. It might come in handy. He shot one more glare at the demon and then opened his eyes.

A glance found his stomach pale and unmarked, just like usual. There were some trickles of blood near his waistband, though. He shoved off the cot and stumbled over to the sink. He'd forgotten about his face. Nothing hurt now that the fox was awake and healing him fast again. But the dried blood on his cheek was gross. A grimace found his teeth were pretty bad, too, with faint blood stains along the gum line. He would have felt sorry for Sasuke if the jerk weren't a weirdo who preferred the taste of blood over the taste of ramen. It served him right. He turned the faucet on and stuck as much of his face into the sink as he could. He was washing off his stomach when the curtain moved just enough for Gaara to slip in.

Naruto froze, staring at his reflection in the mirror. How had he forgotten Gaara was here? He had left Sasuke alone in a hospital bed with only a strange doctor to protect him. What if Gaara had gone after him like he had with Lee? Sure, Gaara had seemed pretty calm so far but he was still Gaara. Naruto whipped around to look directly at him, while inside he railed at himself. What the hell had he been thinking? Here he was taking a nap and then casually washing up while they were all in enemy territory and Sasuke was defenseless and Gaara was...sitting on his cot and watching him. Naruto blinked. "Um..."

"You're thinner than I thought you were," said Gaara.

Naruto flushed and grabbed his shirt, yanking it over his head. "You're pretty small yourself, you know!" Gaara was a downright shrimp. It was only his sand and his energy and his insanity that made him seem huge and scary as hell. Not that Naruto was scared. He had beaten him once and he'd do it again if he had to. He stuffed an arm into his coat as he eyed the boy. Sitting on the cot made that gourd of sand tilt sideways in a manner that definitely wasn't intimidating. He was still reminded of the last time he had been in a hospital room with Gaara. The hairs on his arms were standing up a little. He quickly finished putting on his coat, zipping it up to his chin so none of the goosebumps would show and give him away. "What do you want?"

"To understand you."

"Really?" Naruto gaped. That was good, right? Really good! They did have a lot in common. And Gaara himself had said Sand was now allies with Konoha. If they weren't enemies then he wouldn't have to worry about Gaara attacking anyone. That was better than just good, it was great. "So, do you," he shifted awkwardly, "want to be friends, then?"

Gaara stared at him for a long while before answering. "Perhaps."

Definitely good, Naruto decided. He wasn't sure it was great just yet. Gaara shouldn't have had to think so long before deciding if he was friendship material, after all. That was a little insulting. But if Naruto had grown up with his own father trying to kill him he would probably be slow to trust, too.

"Is he your friend?"

"Sasuke?" Naruto winced, shooting a quick look at the curtain. That had come out a little loud. He frowned at Gaara. "He's my teammate. And my rival." In Naruto's mind they were friends, but not the usual sort. Not like he was friends with Shikamaru or Kiba or Lee. It wasn't something he could explain in a way Gaara would understand. He wasn't even sure he could explain it to himself if he tried to put it into words. Luckily Sasuke would never ask and he would never offer so that wasn't an issue. They were the sort of friends who hated each other. Sasuke understood that.

"What does that mean?"

"You know," Naruto shrugged. Didn't he know? Maybe he didn't. He folded his arms over his chest and scowled. This was weird and awkward, and Gaara's blank stare made it even worse. "It means we fight each other and protect each other."

"And kiss each other?" asked Gaara.

"No! Argh!" Naruto grabbed at his hair. "We were just getting the door open! That's all! And don't you dare say I enjoyed it again or I swear I'll kick your ass. You hear me? I'll do it. I won't even have to summon Gamabunta this time, either. I have a new attack that will tear that demon form of yours up!" Eventually. It would probably take an army of bunshin and quite a few rasengans to take down that giant sand monster of Gaara's, but he'd do it. "Just forget you ever saw that. It was nothing. Honest!"

Gaara turned to stare at the curtain. "Then you don't own rights to his mouth." From the corner of his eye, he saw all of the blood drain from Naruto's face. He looked back at him.

"Wait," Naruto blurted. "Do you..." He grimaced and clenched his hands in his coat sleeves. This was so damn awkward! "I thought you, maybe that, you only kissed him because of me."

"Yes," said Gaara. "Because you seemed to enjoy it."

"I did not!"

"You seemed to enjoy it," Gaara repeated. "I did enjoy it." He watched as Naruto's eyes widened and a furious blush swept over his face. He didn't believe he had misinterpreted what he had seen. That meant Naruto was lying. He wondered why. "He was warm."

Yes, he was. Naruto cringed. He was warm and familiar and Sasuke, and that was why he hadn't enjoyed it. He couldn't enjoy kissing Sasuke. That would be wrong. Weird and crazy and just plain wrong. But Gaara had enjoyed it, and he hadn't just kissed Sasuke. He had pressed right up against him and moved his mouth as if he was running his tongue all over Sasuke's and that was beyond wrong. That was disturbing. That wasn't allowed. Not Gaara, not anyone. Not on his watch. His hands curled into fists and he stalked over to glare right into Gaara's blank face. "Leave Sasuke alone."

"Why?"

"Because I said so," Naruto growled. "Because he's my teammate and I'm not letting you or anyone else do that to him. Not ever again!" He shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. Why hadn't he tried harder to stop it? He was never going to forget the sight of it. Or the sound. That wet sound of their mouths parting. Just the thought of it made him want to smash a fist through the pervert's sand armor so he could see the bruise on that blank face of his.

"Then you do own rights to his mouth."

"Yes," Naruto snapped. That sounded so wrong, but if that was what it took to make Gaara leave him alone, so be it.

"I see." Gaara sent another look at the curtain and then smiled behind the layer of sand hiding his face. "Is he aware of that?"

"What?" Naruto reeled back a step, horror breaking out on his face. "Oh, shit, you're not going to tell him I said that, are you? Don't! Please? It's not-" He choked and blurted, "I mean, I was just saying that to-" What would Sasuke think? What if he got the wrong idea? Even if he got the right idea and realized Naruto had only said it to protect him, he would still be pissed and everything would be so awkward and weird and... "You can't...just...I mean..."

"I will take that as a no." That explained why Sasuke hadn't hesitated despite his fear. Gaara had felt that fear in the stiff way he held himself, and his sand had burned for the blood and pain that usually accompanied such fear. It had cast a dark taint that he would rather his first kiss not have had. He had enjoyed it despite that, and he thought he understood why Naruto had. It wasn't just because he was a teammate or friend or whatever Naruto chose to call him. He was strong and he looked completely different when he was being kissed, when his guard was down. Was that a side of him only Naruto got to see? "He's surprisingly pretty when he isn't narrowing his eyes."

Naruto gaped and then scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Don't you turn into another Sasuke-obsessed idiot. He's only a pretty boy when he thinks no one is looking. The rest of the time he's an asshole and looks like an asshole. That's the real Sasuke. That pretty thing is just something the stupid Sasuke-baka girls fall for. The only time he's not glaring is when he's asleep. Sometimes he even glares in his sleep, so you can't even count on that."

He was going to deny this, too? Gaara couldn't see why. Temari was pretty. Sasuke was pretty. Even Naruto, with his blue eyes, was rather pretty when he wasn't scrunching his face or scowling. If Naruto would deny even this, then he was unlikely to admit much of anything in regards to his relationship with his teammate slash rival slash kissing partner. He wondered if Sasuke also felt he owned rights to Naruto's mouth. Were Naruto's feelings, whatever they were, returned? He was considering whether or not to ask when Naruto suddenly reeled to his right, flying into the curtain and getting tangled there before finally being yanked underneath it. Gaara quickly followed.

Naruto had completely forgotten about the chain. He found himself on the floor, a few inches of chain separating him from Sasuke, who was crouched next to his cot. Muraki was standing on the other side with a bit of blood on the corner of his mouth. Naruto winced. Sasuke must have woken up and hit him. What had Naruto been thinking? He should have stayed close so he could be there when he woke up, at least to tell him that the doctor was only trying to help. He opened his mouth tell him now, and his breath caught in his throat. Sasuke's hand was clenched over his left shoulder and those marks were all over him, covering his arms and legs and his skin appeared to be turning gray. Naruto choked, panicked, and then grabbed his shoulders when he started to pitch over sideways.

"Sasuke! What's going on?" He shot a frantic look at Muraki. "What happened? What is this?"

Muraki brushed a thumb over the corner of his mouth and licked the blood off. "Don't mind him. He's just being difficult. He'll be fine."

"What?" How could he say that? Sasuke took a ragged breath and held it, so tense he had to be clenching every muscle in his body. And those marks were vanishing into his skin, darkening it. Even his hair was turning gray now. "It's killing him!"

"I know," said Muraki. "His seal was a bit more complicated than yours. It's rather similar to a horcrux, except it appears to store a blueprint for the body rather than the soul. Truly insidious. I can't imagine why anyone would wish to do such a thing. I may need to investigate this world of yours myself." He circled the bed and smiled at Naruto. "Help me get him back on the bed. He'll be more comfortable there."

"Don't touch me," Sasuke bit out. His eyes opened, revealing the sharingan, but the whites of his eyes were darkening just like his skin. "Naruto..."

"What?" asked Naruto. He didn't know what to do. Muraki was a doctor, he knew what he was doing. But if Sasuke didn't want the man touching him, then Naruto wasn't going to let him. Unless he had to. Someone had to do something and Naruto couldn't do anything to stop whatever was happening.

"He did this. He bit me. Just like Orochimaru. You cant-" Sasuke choked, drawing his knees to his chest. His body felt like it was being torn apart. He didn't know if he was going to scream or cry or pass out. He hoped he passed out. He just wished Naruto wasn't here to see it. "Don't trust him," he hissed. "He's a snake."

A snake. Like Orochimaru. Orochimaru had bitten Sasuke? Was that how he had gotten that mark? And Muraki had caused this by doing the same thing? He stared up at the man who had seemed so nice and warm and what the hell had he been thinking? The man was a perfect stranger in a place he knew was filled with enemies. He had let the man mess with his own seal. For all he knew the man could have been trying to release Kyuubi and Naruto hadn't thought twice about it. And then he had left him alone with Sasuke. Naruto stared at him, at that smile he had found so reassuring, and all he could see was the blood he had wiped from his lips. Sasuke's blood. Because he had bitten him, just like Orochimaru had bitten him, and Naruto was going to tear him apart with his bare hands.

"I see my charm is no longer working on you," Muraki sighed. He probably should have waited until he was finished with this one before waking the fox. Fiery red energy was bleeding out of the boy and lashing all over his poor patient. Well, that would serve the dark-eyed boy right for being impervious to his powers of suggestion. If that one had trusted him as easily as Naruto, the chain would never have shortened and they could have avoided all of this. He could see why Kakashi had chained the two together. They were polar opposites despite both having seals. He brushed the hair away from his left eye and caught Naruto before the furious boy could inadvertently kill his friend. The curse had to do that on its own time or it wouldn't count. It would be cruel to stop it now when he would just have to activate it again later. Not that he would mind that, personally, but if Kakashi kept the two chained this scene would simply repeat itself. Better to finish up now. He blanked the boy's mind and let him return his partner to the bed on his own. Getting him to step back was harder. The fox wasn't just flooding him with energy, it was bolstering his will. Or was that the fox's will he was facing? Aside from his host, a captive demon should hate all humans too much to try and keep one alive. "Your energy is hurting him. He's in considerable pain already. Are you hoping to make it worse? Or to kill him yourself?"

The boy stepped forward, away from the bed, but closer to him. His eyes were red and slitted and definitely demonic. Muraki couldn't help but give a true smile. He appreciated evil in all its forms. That this one came in a sweetly innocent package just made it all the more appealing. "You and I are going to clash beautifully."

"Make it stop!"

Perhaps it was still the boy he was dealing with. Muraki sighed in disappointment. "I can't stop this without killing him. Even if I could, I wouldn't. As it was, that seal limited him as greatly as the sleep spell Kakashi put on you. Since his seal can't be removed without destroying the soul of the one who cast it, his only option is to master it. That shouldn't take long. In fact..." His eyes flicked to the bed and he smiled. The discoloration of the boy's skin faded back into dark marks which crawled their way back into the seal, leaving him pale and lovely and lifeless. "There. It's done. He's dead now."

"Then so are you," said Gaara.

"I haven't forgotten about you," Muraki told him, turning to eye him appreciatively. "If you ever want to...have words...with me, my door will always be open to you. But for now," he looked back to where Naruto was shaking his teammate like a ragdoll, mindlessly singeing him with that energy of his, "you might want to be a little more gentle, Naruto-kun. If he can't breathe when he comes back to life, he will probably stay dead."

Naruto froze. He hadn't noticed that Sasuke was breathing again. He hadn't been breathing when Naruto had reached him. He was breathing now, slow and deep as if he were just asleep, as if he hadn't just died from having something horrible done to him. He was too pale and a little cold and showed no signs of waking up, but he was alive. Naruto forgot about the bastard he needed to kill for putting him through this and buried his face against Sasuke's hair with a gut wrenching cry. He couldn't take any more of Sasuke dying right in front of him. He just couldn't.

"You knew he would come back," Gaara murmured.

"Of course," said Muraki. "I wouldn't kill one of Kakashi's students unless it was for his own good."

"And you didn't tell Naruto that."

"Why would I, when he was being so difficult? Besides, we wouldn't get to witness such a sweet scene if I had." He smirked at the bed and barely caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. He didn't move quickly enough to avoid the blow. He crashed into the wall across from the cot. This time the blood he wiped from his mouth was his own. He licked it off his hand and smirked at Gaara. "Yes, you and I are going to get along very well." The boy could hide his emotions behind that mask, but the scent of blood oozed from the gourd at his back, as heady and delicious as the dark thrum of his energy. Unlike the fox, this boy's demon was one he could relate to on a personal level. He could hardly wait to get him alone.

Gaara ignored him, going over to stand beside Naruto. That red energy had vanished. He watched as Naruto lifted his head and scrubbed an arm over his eyes. This was obviously more than teammates and rivals. Friends? Perhaps family was closer to the truth. "Naruto. May I kill him for you?" Naruto might want to do so, but Gaara doubted he could kill in cold blood now that the danger had passed. For him, it would be small gesture. He had plenty of experience at it. He saw Naruto's shoulders tense and for a moment he thought he might say yes. But, no, Naruto was no more capable of asking for that than he was of doing it himself. Naruto might even be naive enough to think this man had some chance of being redeemed somehow. And, as with him, Naruto might even be right.

"No," Naruto bit out. "Thanks for offering, though." He gave a bitter smile and wished he hadn't been tempted by the offer. If someone was going to make the bastard pay it would be him, but he wouldn't do it while Sasuke was chained to him and liable to be caught up in the mess. He pushed Sasuke up into a sitting position. It was going to be a lot easier to carry him now that he knew how to change the length of the chain.

"There is no need to move him," said Muraki. "All I did was fix him, just as I promised I would. He'll sleep for a while and wake up better than ever. My patients always do. Until then, if all of you are determined to camp out in my infirmary, I'll leave. Don't worry," he smiled at Naruto. He rather liked the boy's steely glare. Innocence was tempting, but defiance, now that made things much more fun. "I'll wait until Kakashi removes that chain before I examine either of you further. You, on the other hand," he said to Gaara, "have an open invitation. I look forward to meeting your demon in the flesh."

That was invitation Gaara wouldn't mind taking him up on.

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: Esuna, curaga, and elixirs are from various Final Fantasy games. Horcruxes are from Harry Potter.


	11. Chapter 11

No words were spoken when Sasuke woke up. Gaara had waited outside the curtain to give them privacy, but there was no need for it. The silence was heavy and tense and they both clung to it, Sasuke because he didn't know if Naruto had heard what that man had said to him, Naruto because he felt betrayed by the fact that both Sakura and Kakashi had obviously helped Sasuke keep him in the dark about that mark. Sasuke was disgusted at having Naruto see him like that. Naruto was disgusted at having let it happen. And they were both too stubborn and proud to do anything but pretend nothing had happened, each hoping the other went along with it.

Naruto handed him his forehead protector, noting that the frayed part had been fixed somehow. He didn't like that at all, the fact that Muraki had obviously repaired the damage, a surprisingly considerate gesture, because that made his attack on Sasuke even worse. He was now convinced the man had done something to him, some sort of genjutsu or mind control to lull him into dropping his guard. He always fell for things like that. Sakura said it was just a matter of shifting chakra to disrupt a genjutsu, but knowing that didn't help when he couldn't even tell he was caught in one. What Muraki had done had to be similar. Naruto suspected he had almost thrown it off when the man had looked at his seal. He'd had doubts then, strong ones. If he had tried to use his chakra the moment he had those thoughts this might not have happened. He wasn't going to fall for that again. From now on the moment things felt wrong he was going to shift his chakra, just in case. Better to look paranoid and foolish than to be an actual fool.

Sasuke tied the forehead protector with hands that were far too steady. He felt fine. No, he felt better than fine. He felt as good as he had at the beginning of the Chuunin Exam, ready to take on any opponent he could find with his newly awakened sharingan. That high had ended far too quickly. By the time he had actually been able to train with those eyes Orochimaru's mark had been ready to activate the moment he used the full extent of his chakra. And it hadn't been the promise of power he had suspected after that one time in the forest, when he had taken revenge for Sakura's battered face. He might have been tempted by power like that because it epitomized the sort of hate fueled rage he would need against Itachi. But it had never worked like that again. Instead it was crippling pain that left him floundering like a bird with its wings cut, right when he needed strength the most. He didn't know what that silver haired man was talking about. He hadn't asked for a cursed seal that kept him from accessing his own chakra. He certainly hadn't traded anything for it. And if that bastard's bite had made it worse he would 'repay him' by ramming his teeth down his perverted throat.

"About time," Shikamaru muttered, when the two finally rejoined them. Only fifteen minutes had passed since the doctor had left, and Gaara had taken up a stance just outside the curtains where he was clearly visible and up to nothing. Even Neji had come back with a calm that told him this Lee was as real as they could hope for. But this sitting around was getting to Kiba and Kankuro, and even their hostage had started pacing and refusing to make small talk.

"To the office, then?" asked Laguna. The sooner he could dump them on Iruka, the better. Muraki had been smirking when he left. Knowing that bastard, he was off killing some of his Marlboros at this very moment just to be spiteful. And Muraki would justify it, too, because Marlboros were great for collecting the curse spikes needed to make remedies. Not that Muraki would share any of those remedies with him, of course. No, that twisted bastard would kill his pets and then hoard the spoils. It was utter bullshit what Muraki got away with.

"Outside would be better," said Kiba. Akamaru had been awfully patient, but he was a small dog with a small bladder, after all.

"Yeah, after being in the labyrinth I'm sure you'd like some fresh air. But you can't go outside without wands. I mean that literally," Laguna winced, when a few of them looked ready to force the issue. "You could have exited the labyrinth just fine, but you're in the school now. New kids can't exit the school without wands, for their own safety. You could blow a hole in the wall and it won't help a bit because you won't be able to take a single step through it. Even if you brought your own wands, they'd have to be marked for school use before they'll let you in and out of the school itself."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Then how do you get us in?"

"With a card." Hadn't they been paying attention at all? Laguna sighed. This was why new kids were taken straight to the office, so these things could be explained by someone with the patience and time to do so. "Cards are like portkeys. You can't block them with magic because they are magic. And before you ask, I only had the one card." Which he had totally wasted on them. "Cards are made by Clow, our...um, headmaster number two, I guess you'd call him. He's also in charge of wands, so the sooner I get you to the office the sooner you can get equipped and be able to go outside and get that fresh air you're wanting." He offered his nicest smile. It came out a little tense. "So just follow me and we'll have you guys settled in no time."

Akamaru whined softly. Kiba muttered back at him before raising his voice. "Do you at least have a toilet? We were stuck in that 'labyrinth' of yours for hours."

"Really?" Laguna gaped at him, then looked at the others. "Shit! Did you guys piss Kakashi off or something? Even with traps and monsters it shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes to get through that. There are only four rooms! What did he do, make it loop on you?"

"A toilet?" Kiba prodded testily. "Better hurry or he's going on you."

Laguna hadn't even considered the dog. He gave a silent heartfelt apology to his poor Marlboros and waved an arm over his head. "Okay, kids, follow me. Bathroom break this way! No wandering off in the halls. You get lost, you're on your own."

They followed him out the door and onto a balcony. The wall the door was set in looked normal enough, but the floor only stretched for ten feet before ending in a railing, beyond which appeared to be ten more floors with railings that shrank in a gradual circle before ending in an open area filled with semi circular tables surrounding one big round table far below. The first impression was one of impossible size and shiny marble. And emptiness that was dizzying to look at.

Laguna glanced over at the rail and waved carelessly. "Don't mind that. Most of those floors go away after you've been here a while. Eventually you'll only see the ones you actually need to access. This is Atlantis. It was a self contained city before we turned it into a school. It likes to show off to new kids, but it's harmless. Anyway, for bathrooms, you'll never have to look for one. Once you have a wand you just go to the nearest wall with no doors and tap it." He touched the tip of his wand to the wall next to the infirmary and grinned at the kids. "Just think 'bathroom' and," he stepped back when a white door appeared set into the wall, "there one is." He opened the door and waved them in. "I'll just wait for you out here."

"No," Kankuro drawled, "we can't have our guide wandering off on us. Ladies first."

"Ladies?" Laguna sputtered. "The hell? What do you have against me, anyway? I've been nothing but nice to you kids and..." He sighed when the boy's pointy weapon made another appearance. This one was a bully or something. He was sorely tempted to summon a monster on him. The first time the kid acted up on one of his trips, he'd summon Siren on him, string him up by his ankles over a field of baby Ochus, and leave him there for a few days. "Fine, I'll go in with you. But I warn you, if one of you has to take a stinky shit, I'm out. You can find your own way to the office."

Naruto and Sasuke brought up the rear, each pointedly not looking at the other. The bathroom had stalls rather than urinals, with no gaps big enough for a chain. But they could always leave the door open a crack if the chain were long enough. Naruto sighed and accepted the fact that he was going to have to tell Sasuke how the chain worked. He had considered keeping it a secret as payback for Sasuke not telling him things he needed to know, but petty revenge wasn't worth whipping out his dick in front of his rival. Things were awkward enough between them without that. He sighed and stepped over so Sasuke had no choice but to look at him.

"This chain will get longer if we both want it to," Naruto muttered. "Just think about it being longer." Sasuke dropped his eyes, and Naruto was relieved to do the same. Sasuke hadn't even raised an eyebrow, forget asking him how he knew how the chain worked. Sasuke was in full dark brooding mode, which was never comfortable to be around. A few seconds of scowling had the chain clattering to the floor in a nice little pile of extra links. Good enough to put some much needed distance between them. Naruto immediately took off for the first available stall.

Laguna stood near the door, tapping his foot as he waited. It wasn't until Shikamaru joined him that Kankuro finally went into one of the stalls. Laguna shook his head at the boy. "Do you guys think I'm going to take off and abandon you or something?"

"Something like that," Shikamaru admitted. "The last time we were left alone here a number of our party were injured."

"Fair point. Still seems a little paranoid to me. You all have a lot of magic, right? I mean, you're not limited to those pointy weapons, are you? I figure since you're Kakashi's students you're probably ringers. More power leveling than starting from scratch. Am I right?"

"Power leveling?"

"You know," Laguna shrugged. "Grinding and the usual cheats. Like killing a bunch of monsters bare handed to build your physical strength while coincidentally stockpiling turbo ethers so you have an infinite amount of energy to perform magic with. Or using fire spells to kill water monsters in order to boost your compatibility with both your fire and water summons without having to summon either of them and risk them getting jealous of each other. I used to plan out all sorts of tricks when I was in school, but I never got a chance to do any of them. I went to Hogwarts," he scoffed. "Their magical creatures were limited to the ones in their own realm, and they didn't even teach summons, much less hand to hand combat."

"And you teach hand to hand combat?" asked Shikamaru. The man hadn't lasted a few seconds against them. He hadn't even tried to defend himself.

"What?" Laguna blinked, stared for a second, and then laughed. "Oh. No, I teach the magical creatures class. I'm all about the monsters. Or demons, if that's what they're called in your world. For non-magical attacks, I use a machine gun and grenades. Muggle weaponry, I know, I don't even want to hear it, but despite what some wizards say it gets the job done against your average monster. And I'll use the occasional item, when I can get the good ones. I was just saying, hand to hand is a good thing to know for any wizard, especially if they're hoping to power level the hell out of their opponents without using a lot of magic. There isn't a wizard in any world I've heard of who can make a turbo ether, for instance. Only way to get those is to go after the monsters that have them, or buy them off someone who has one and good luck with that. I donated fifty of them when I teamed up with the other teachers here." He put his hands on his hips with a cocky grin. "I failed at potions, but when it comes to item harvesting I'm a professional."

"Impressive," Shikamaru said blandly. He didn't understand half the words coming out of the man's mouth. That probably didn't bode well. Some thumps drew his attention to the line of sinks. Naruto and Sasuke's chain was short again, and the two were squabbling over who was to blame. At least they were talking. He didn't know what had cast that gloom over the two of them, but a gloomy Naruto was never a good thing. He was unpredictable enough without brooding his way into an explosion.

"All ready, then?" asked Laguna. He left the room without waiting for an answer. It was a shame he wasn't better at apparating. Most of the teachers could have popped them over to the office in the blink of an eye. He had to take them the long way, and with Atlantis eager to show off its original glory that was quite a long walk. They were just nearing the east staircase when the ceiling vanished, taking the upper floors with it. He halted with a sigh so they could marvel at the fish and sea creatures swimming over their heads. Except they weren't marveling. They were all glaring upwards and doing a weird thing with their hands.

"Kai!" Naruto scowled when the ocean remained in place above his head. It looked real, but it was such a stupid illusion even he wouldn't have fallen for it. He made his chakra rise and fall and tried dispelling it again. Nothing. What was he doing wrong? Sasuke had stepped in front of him so they could perform their hand seals, since they hadn't been able to argue their way into making the chain long again. A glance found Sasuke glaring upward as well. "It didn't work for you, either?" Naruto demanded. If it wasn't just him, did that mean their chakra was sealed again?

"Is it working for anyone?" Shikamaru asked the others. Nervousness was breaking out all over the place. And there was Kankuro's kunai making another appearance. He sighed and finally looked at Laguna. "It's not an illusion, is it?"

"The ocean?" asked Laguna. "No, that's real. Legends had it that Atlantis sank, but as far as we can tell it was designed on the sea floor. That's the ocean, all right. But the ceiling and upper floors are still there. They're just invisible. Like I said, this place likes to show off to new people. Sometimes we eat dinner under the ocean, because the fluorescent swimmers are downright gorgeous at night. But usually we keep the roof in place." He glanced upward with a wince. "It does look like the whole ocean is about to come pouring down on you. It won't, though. That magical barrier has been holding it back forever. The people who made this place were something else. It's a damn shame what happened to them."

Sasuke activated his sharingan. He had been afraid to, but there wasn't the slightest twinge from the curse mark. That didn't mean anything, he reminded himself. Kakashi's seal had allowed him to do that much. Usually. The ceiling was still there. It wasn't even see-through, like those creatures and the fake 'forest' had been. It was just the same ceiling they had seen when they stepped out of the infirmary. If he hadn't seen the ocean he wouldn't have believed there was an illusion being used. A look found Neji staring upward with his byakugan activated.

"Do you see anything?" Sasuke asked him.

"Just the ceiling," said Neji.

"It's the same for me."

"What's with the eyes?" asked Laguna. His own eyes were wide and gleaming. "Are you two demons? Or half breeds? What kind are you?"

"They're human," Shikamaru told him. He raised an eyebrow when the man looked disappointed.

"Completely human?" Laguna sent another look at the two boys, and frowned when their eyes turned back to normal. The black-eyed one did look human, but even without the veins around his eyes the pale-eyed one had no pupils. He should have noticed that sooner. Even blind people had pupils! "If they're human, how did their eyes change?"

"Magic," said Shikamaru.

Laguna stared for a moment, and then snorted. "Yeah," he grinned, "you guys are definitely ringers. Eye-changing magic without wands or anything? Never heard of that. I can't wait to see what else you guys can do."

They reached the stairs just in time to meet a group of four on their way down. Two were boys who appeared to be around thirteen, with a smaller dark haired girl between them. They were led by an equally short pink-haired person in long elaborate white robes who was carrying a staff with a curved and jeweled tip that stood three feet taller than himself. The group paused, and Laguna gave a jump, pumping a fist in the air.

"Clef!" Laguna cheered. "Perfect timing!" He rushed over to the pink-haired mage. "These are Kakashi's students. They just got here. I found them in the labyrinth while I was introducing my pack of Marlboros to the forest and I was just taking them to the office, but we had to go to the infirmary first and then Muraki left smirking and he's probably off killing my Marlboros right now so can you take them there for me instead? Please? If he kills all the adults the babies will die, and they're the cutest little things you ever saw. Their acid doesn't even burn yet, I swear, they're harmless, and the alpha female is such a funny boss you'd lover her, honest. I just have to get there before he gets them all or I might never find another bunch as good as-"

"Laguna-kun," the pink-haired man said quietly, "slower."

"Right," Laguna huffed. "Slower. Okay." He turned to point at the group of kids. "These are Kakashi's students. That one's Shikamaru, he's the one you want to talk to. Kids, this is Clef. He looks ten, but he's closer to eight hundred years old. He's a teacher. Sort of." He turned back and clasped his hands in front of him. "Take them to the office for me? Please? Muraki was smirking. Smirking! My pets are in danger. They might all be dead by now."

Clef sighed and shook his head. "The timing is, indeed, good for you. I am on my way to the office already. As you can see, we have two new students."

"Two?" asked Laguna. He looked at the kids behind Clef and finally noticed the girl. Except it couldn't be a girl. They didn't have any female teachers. They had all agreed they wouldn't accept any female students unless they had at least one female teacher in residence. Was she just visiting the two boys? Even that shouldn't be possible. The barrier around the school was supposed to prevent that. Maybe she wasn't female at all. She looked about ten years old, cute, with long black hair and a flowing robed dress as elaborate as Clef's. But she was inside the school, so either she was a female with a penis or she had no recognizable genitalia at all. Probably not human, then. Had to be a magical creature of some sort. That made sense. He couldn't wait to find out what she was. She was obviously very nice and friendly, judging by her smile. Those were often the strongest ones. Laguna smiled back at her and then waved at the two boys. The spiky black-haired one looked happy to be here, the fluffy white-haired one not so much. "Nice to meet you! I'm Laguna Loire. Please introduce yourselves the next time we meet, okay? I gotta run."

Shikamaru's shoulders slumped. Their guide, and would-be hostage, had vanished with a loud cracking sound that echoed off the walls. He had hoped that Laguna couldn't teleport, since the man had been in a hurry and yet hadn't offered to take them directly to this 'office' of his. Maybe he could only teleport himself. Or maybe these people could only teleport with two people at a time when they weren't using their 'cards' to do so. He stared at the little boy Laguna had left them with. Eight hundred years old? He didn't even look ten years old, he looked closer to eight. He had fluffy pale pink hair that swept back on either side of his head, a jeweled crown with a curved blue horn in the front, and very big blue eyes with thick black lashes. He didn't even look like a he. He looked more like a little her. The staff he was holding looked heavier than he was. And this was a 'sort of' teacher? Shikamaru swore this place made less sense the longer they were here.

"What now, genius?" Kankuro drawled at him. "You going to make friends with this one, too?"

"If you want to bust your way out, go for it," Shikamaru muttered. "I don't really care what you do. Honestly, I don't care what anyone does. Logic says to stick together and gather information before acting, but if you want whip out your kunai and jump this one, too, go for it." He pointed over his shoulder. "I'll be standing back there. With Neji. I'm sure he remembers what happens when you act before thinking things through." He could feel a glare drilling into the back of his head. He wondered if that was the byakugan or just the normal Hyuuga eyes. Whatever. The way Kankuro's face turned red made it all worth it. He wondered if Gaara would reign the guy in again or if he would need to use his shadow jutsu to protect himself. He was hoping for the latter. Kankuro was giving him a headache.

"You picking a fight with me?" asked Kankuro.

Kiba growled and edged in between the two. "If he's not, I will. What's your problem? We're all in this together. If you don't think so, take off. No one's going to miss you."

"Gaara might," said Shino. He and Kiba both looked back at the same time. Gaara was standing near the back of the group with his arms folded over his chest, as blank-faced as ever.

"No," said Gaara.

Shikamaru looked back at him. No, he wouldn't miss Kankuro? Or no picking a fight and splitting up? A muttered curse from Kankuro answered that. It was very strange to have Gaara forcing his teammate to stand down like this. Strange, like the way Gaara and Lee had barely glanced at each other. The two were standing within feet of each other and no tension, no resentment, nothing at all. Were they going to brush away all the past unpleasantness now that Sand and Konoha were allies? Easier said than done. It didn't matter how calm and peaceful Gaara appeared. Shikamaru wasn't going to forget what the boy had done to those two shinobi, or what he had said in Lee's hospital room. Someone who killed in order to feel alive was someone who killed for pleasure. People like that couldn't be trusted. Period.

"Shall we proceed to the office now?" asked Clef. "Or would you prefer to fight? If you wish to fight here, the non-combatants may take shelter behind me." He turned to reassure the three children he had been escorting. "You are perfectly safe. But if you prefer, I can send you to the office ahead of me so you will not be forced to witness violence."

"Will it be a magical fight?" asked the little girl. She beamed up at the white-haired boy. "I want to see a magical fight!"

"I do, too," the black-haired boy admitted, with a wry smile.

The white-haired boy sighed, offered a weak smile to the girl, and shook his head at Clef. "We'll stay."

"It doesn't look like we're going to fight," Shikamaru informed them. The two black-haired kids frowned in blatant disappointment. He suddenly felt very old.

"Very well," said Clef. "Please follow me." He waved his three to go down the next set of stairs ahead of him, placing himself between the two groups. When the one Laguna had introduced as Shikamaru led the second group, he frowned up at him. "I was not aware that Kakashi had found his set of students. Did he kidnap you?"

Shikamaru blinked at that. "Yes."

"I see. My condolences."

That was all he had to say on the matter? Shikamaru stared down at the strange 'man.' "Is that how you people normally get 'students'? By kidnapping them?"

"No," said Clef, "but Kakashi is not known for his people skills. It seemed unlikely he would have found such a large group of talented young people such as yourselves by normal means. That he is not here to escort you to the office himself tells me he is hoping to avoid facing the consequences of his actions any sooner than he has to. It is unfortunate. I will provide whatever I can to help make your stay here a pleasant one."

"We don't plan to stay."

Clef nodded. "Then I will provide whatever assistance I can to aid in your escape attempts. I don't believe it is possible to escape Atlantis without a thorough understanding of the magics at play here. I would not, however, mind being proven wrong." He smiled when the boys in front of him glanced back. "It is my hope that teachers and students learn from each other."

"Can you send us home?" asked Naruto. He was getting that 'nice and trustworthy' vibe from the little pink-haired guy, even stronger than what he had gotten from Muraki. He knew better than to trust it this time, but he could pretend he did.

"No."

"You didn't even ask where our home is," Kiba scowled.

"I don't need to," said Clef. "You would tell me the name of your city, your country, your continent, possibly your planet. It would mean nothing to me. Unless you can point your 'home' out on the map of open worlds I can't send you there. For instance, these three arrived here from a place called Yorknew City, in the United States of Saherta, on the Yorbian continent of their world. Those words tell me nothing. Kakashi may recognize such places. He may even be able to ascertain their world simply by studying their magic. I, however, can not. I am not the traveler that he is."

"Were you guys kidnapped, too?" Naruto asked the kids.

The two boys exchanged a look, and the black-haired one grinned. "Sort of."

The girl puffed her cheeks up, pouting furiously. "It's not a kidnapping! It's an adventure!"

"Yes, yes," the white-haired one said, patting her on the head. "We know."

Clef smiled at them, and then looked back at Naruto. "They arrived here on their own, through a magic I am entirely unfamiliar with. One can never know all there is to know when it comes to magic."

When they reached the bottom of the stairs they found themselves on the ground floor, looking into that circular area with the tables, as if they had somehow skipped all of the floors they had seen in between the two. There were a few more attempts to dispel the possible illusion before the ninjas accepted the weirdness of that. They went around the outside of the room and into another hall, an enclosed one this time.

Shikamaru eyed their guide. "When you said you would aid in our attempts to escape, what did you mean by that?"

"That I will teach you anything I know that you believe might be useful," said Clef. "I cannot fight alongside you because Kakashi will not engage in duels of any sort. I cannot bespell him on your behalf because I do not perform such magic. I cannot even play the part of hostage," and he flashed a knowing smile at Shikamaru, "because I cannot be touched if I do not wish it, and Kakashi knows that. What I can do is offer my knowledge and my support, and any supplies that I am able to provide to you."

Better than nothing, Shikamaru supposed. They would probably end up testing that 'cannot be touched' bit, though. If that failed, there were the three kids. He didn't like the idea of that. Most of them wouldn't. Attacking children, even if they were careful about it, wouldn't sit well with any of them. Except maybe Kankuro or Gaara. There was no telling with those two. He wondered what Clef would do if they did have to take one of the kids hostage. Would he still 'support' their attempt? Shikamaru doubted it.

"Here we are," Clef said, as they came to a stop outside a door at the end of the hall. "The office is stationary. You will always find it at the end of the north hall. It is polite to knock before entering." He rapped on the door with the back of his hand. "If there is no door, that means the office is occupied and you will have to wait your turn or come back at another time." He opened the door and nodded at the man seated behind the desk across the way. "Iruka, two new students just made their way here. And the nine students Kakashi borrowed have also arrived."

"I already know he didn't borrow them," the man muttered. "He kidnapped them. Where is he?"

"I have no idea," said Clef. He stepped aside and gestured for the students to enter the room. His three didn't hesitate. The others were frozen. The blonde one in particular seemed to be in shock. He was gaping and pointing a finger at Iruka. Clef tilted his head. "Is there a problem?"

"Not a new problem, at any rate," Shikamaru sighed. "Just another familiar looking person who isn't the person we know." By this point, he wasn't even surprised. A glance found Naruto bringing his hands together to dispel an illusion. Shikamaru went ahead and did the same, just in case. Unfortunately nothing changed. That figured.

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: Turbo Ethers are from FF7, Siren and Ochus are from FF8, Clef is from Magic Knight Rayearth, and the three unnamed kids are from HunterxHunter.


	12. Chapter 12

Kakashi quickly realized the kids were no longer in the labyrinth. There was a notable amount of blood in the room where he had left the handcuffed pair. He hoped one of them hadn't taken the other one's arm off. It would be much harder for them to get around if he had to connect them at the ankle or neck. A quick check found that they weren't outside the labyrinth, either. Muraki was. That told him the bleeder had at least made it as far as the infirmary.

Kakashi greeted the man cheerfully. Muraki was hip deep in a mass of purple blooded greenery a foot away from the labyrinth entrance and appeared viciously happy. That was never a good thing. "Did you have to reconnect an arm?"

"No," said Muraki, "I was able to repair both the arm and the leg without removing more than a few sections of bone. It was simpler to regrow that than to repair it. The muscle mass remains a bit reduced compared to the other limbs, but he was confident he can train them up to match. Eager to do so, in fact. Very motivated to better himself."

"I wasn't referring to Lee," Kakashi admitted. That Muraki didn't even look up told him the man wasn't the least bit interested in the boy. That was a shame. Lee had the most repressed magic in the group, which gave him the highest margin for growth. A little tinkering could have made things a lot easier for him. "Not your type?"

"I like him, but I don't want him." Muraki wrenched another curse spike free from the Marlboro's spine and tossed it on his pile. "Laguna-kun brought the others to me after he found them here. I want the sand demon. And the snake, once he's unchained from the fox."

"Snake?"

"You didn't notice?" Muraki climbed out of the pile and started removing tentacles. He sent a contemptuous look at Kakashi as he worked. "The second seal was done in your style, so I assumed it was yours."

"There is another Kakashi in their world. A very inferior version, in fact. If he placed it, it wouldn't have caught my attention right away. What sort of seal was it?"

"A band-aid, and an ineffective one at that. I removed it."

"I see," Kakashi drawled. That was rather presumptuous of Muraki, and not the least bit surprising. "And beneath the band-aid?"

"A snake. Embedded in a blood curse like some sort of reverse horcrux. I progressed the curse so he should be able to use his magic freely, but I was unable to remove the foreign dna. It is hidden within the blood of the curse itself. I have never heard of such a thing."

And so his curiosity was roused. As if the boy's looks and age had nothing to do with it. Kakashi sighed in annoyance. "If you want to hunt down the caster to find out what he was doing and how, I'll send you there. But the kid is mine. They're all mine. The only one you were supposed to tamper with was Lee. I wanted to see what they were capable of before anyone else got their hands on them."

Muraki spelled his hands clean and bundled up his collection of parts before responding to that. "If you didn't want me examining them, you shouldn't have put the fox to sleep and then left them in the labyrinth while Laguna-kun had the forest reserved for his marlboros. It was inevitable that they would be injured and brought to me. As it is, I did only what you would have asked me to do eventually."

It was a shame Muraki didn't play card games. That smirk of his would give him away every single time, making him a perfect mark. Kakashi didn't comment on the marlboros. The carcass reminded him that he had heard something about a reservation on the forest today. He had expected to return before the kids made it anywhere near the exits, so he hadn't checked to see what kind of creatures the forest was reserved for. Even he wouldn't have set his kids against marlboros on their first day. Those things were a pain in the ass to the point that even experienced monster hunters avoided encounters with them.

"Were either of the handcuffed kids missing an arm?" asked Kakashi.

"No. The fox healed his host once I removed your sleeping spell, and the other one only had minor damage complicated by Marlboro poisoning. I have my eyes on him," Muraki said frankly. "And the sand demon."

"Yes, you have made that perfectly clear. Unfortunately for you, they're my students and you can't have them." Kakashi chuckled when this received a vicious grin. "If they seek you out, that's their choice, of course. But no more preemptive meddling. That pair is tied for a reason. I won't have you leading one of them astray. I admit the sand demon is a bit deep for me, so I may appreciate your help with him at some point. Until then, you will have to find your own students to play with. I promised these would not be returned as shattered shells of their former selves. You break your toys too often to be trusted with mine."

Muraki wasn't the sort to be insulted by the truth. He was, however, the sort to enjoy a challenge. His demon eye gleamed as he chuckled in return. "As you say, Headmaster."

Headmaster, Kakashi scoffed to himself. Ringleader was a more apt description. He watched Muraki teleport away. Then he put his hands on his hips and scowled at the green and purple pile. Where there was one Marlboro, there were bound to be others. He didn't want to be in the area when the rest of them came sniffing around. But knowing Laguna there were babies involved, and knowing Muraki this was their mother. The last thing Kakashi needed right now was for Iruka to find out he had been partly responsible for making their resident monster wrangler cry. He cast a baseline revive and teleported to a safe distance. Then he waited until Laguna arrived before helping him heal the unsightly thing. The monster wasn't the least bit grateful, but Laguna was. Kakashi milked that for all it was worth.

.-.

Iruka pushed his irritation toward Kakashi aside as the students filed into his office. Clef was careful to keep the willing arrivals separate from the others without appearing to do so. Those three were frightfully young looking, somewhere between ten and thirteen, which was the usual age for a normal wizarding school. This school was far from normal. Iruka would have preferred that no one under the age of eighteen be admitted here, had it been his choice. The kidnap victims looked far older, mentally if not physically. They arranged themselves along the wall, watching both him and the exit with expressions that ranged from guarded to outright hostile. There was no visible fear, which told him they had already seen some things, and they appeared ready to act in an instant, which told him they hadn't seen enough to realize they were at Kakashi's mercy here. Iruka didn't want to be the one to inform them of that. They would take it as a threat, and judging by the blood stained clothing a few of them wore, they were the sort to react to threats with violence. He would rather they never find out what happened to people attempting violence against him in his own office.

"Welcome to Atlantis," Iruka greeted them all. The two groups couldn't be more different. There were warnings he would have to give Kakashi's students that the others probably didn't need to hear. The reassurances he could offer them would only worry the younger kids, and the things that might tempt the younger ones probably wouldn't interest the suspicious bunch of kids. He really wished Clef hadn't brought them all in together. "My name is Umino Iruka. I am the person you will come to with any problems or questions you might have. And I do mean any," he smiled. "No question is too silly or foolish to be answered, and even a minor inconvenience is an inconvenience you need not suffer here. I am also," his gaze shifted to the steely eyed kids along the wall, "the person to whom you may bring your complaints. If something or someone bothers you during your stay here, please inform me so that it can be addressed properly."

Kakashi's bunch appeared to have numerous complaints, but none of them spoke. Clef introduced his trio. The white-haired boy was named Killua, his sister was Alluka, and the black-haired boy was Gon. Iruka smiled at each one and then looked past them to Kakashi's kids. Silence again.

"His name is Shikamaru," Clef said, referring to a boy with black hair held back in a short tight tail. The boy scowled at him. "I have not been given the names of the rest."

Meaning they would have to wait until the children thawed on their own or Kakashi arrived. Iruka pushed his irritation down with both hands. He would deal with Kakashi whenever the man finally showed himself. Until then, he had work to do. The others might not care, but Clef's three deserved a proper introduction.

Iruka continued. "Our first order of business is, of course, wands. There are various forms of magic taught here, many of which are performed through the use of wands. There are two types of wands here, the standard issues that will allow you to enter and exit the school freely and perform a few simple spells without using any magic of your own, and the personalized ones which will be created to tap, harness, and maximize your own magical potential."

Clef addressed his three. "Alluka may have one of the standard wands so that she can accompany you freely. A real wand will not be made for her unless we find a female teacher and accept her as a formal student. Once the two of you have personalized wands, it will be up to you to ensure that she never touches them. Handling someone else's wand is dangerous."

"That is true for everyone," Iruka said to the others. "A wand made for you will not work properly for anyone else. If you misplace or lose your wand, seek out the nearest teacher or come to me and I will help you find it. Never attempt to use someone else's wand. At best it won't work. At worst it will backfire and cause serious injury. Should your wand be damaged or broken, it can be repaired. Just be careful handling a wand with an exposed core, even if it is your own. And should your wand be destroyed, be warned that you may never find a replacement that works as well as the original one did. Consider your wand as valuable as your dominant hand. Yes, you can function without it, but few would want to."

Iruka drew a slender wooden case from a drawer of his desk and opened it, showing the wand stored inside. "This is what our standard issue wands look like. There is no core in this one, so it has no magic whatsoever. Standard wands can be used by anyone, so if you forget yours you may borrow a friend's. However," he lifted a finger, "the first time you use your wand it will register itself in your name. You cannot pass another person's standard wand off as your own, even if they appear identical. If you lose your wand, get help finding it or get a new one. Trying to pass someone else's wand off as your own will only make you look foolish."

He picked up the wand and handed it to Killua, since he was standing the closest to his desk. "Pass that around. Please don't try to break it. There are ways to reinforce your wand so it's harder to break. Until you learn to do that, consider them fragile pieces of slender wood and handle them accordingly. They are light, easy to handle and easy to store. They are also easy for a beginner to break."

Gon gave the wand a long sniff and frowned at it. "What kind of wood is this?"

"A magical kind," Iruka grinned. "Our wands are made using a card. Cards are another form of magic you will learn about while you are here. Cards are created and imbued with magic, and so they can be used without having any magic of your own. You will get to see The Wood card in action when your personalized wand is being made. The core of your wand will be uniquely attuned to you, but the wood itself will be the same as is used in the standard wands. That's why your personal wands will allow you to do everything the standard ones did when it comes to moving about the school freely."

The boy turned and walked over to the closest of the others. He handed the wand to a tall boy with bushy brown hair, who had a little white dog in his arms.

The dog owner accepted the wand and shot a look at Shikamaru. "Are we playing along with this?"

"For now," Shikamaru muttered.

The wand passed hands a few times and then broke with a resounding crack. Another tall boy with bushy brown hair, this one with red marks on his face, held the two pieces up with an unpleasant smile. "Oops."

"Oops, my ass," the dog owner scoffed. "You did that on purpose."

"So what if I did?" the boy shot back.

Iruka sighed and drew his own wand. "Two simple spells, which I will teach you all in class. The first is accio. This is a summoning charm, which brings an object to you." He cast the spell and caught the two wand pieces in his left hand. The boy who had broken it was no longer smiling. "The second is reparo. This is a mending charm, which only works properly on non-magical inanimate objects. Had this been a real wand, the magical core could not be repaired with a charm. It takes serious magic to repair a damaged core, and even then it may never work properly again. Since this is a hollow piece of wood," and he turned the broken pieces so they could see the tiny empty hole, "the mending charm can repair it easily." He repaired it and then rose, walking over to hand the fake wand to the green-clad boy who would have gotten it next had it not been broken. He then returned to his seat. He wouldn't put it past one of them to snatch and attempt to break his own wand.

Clef turned to look at Shikamaru. "That spell also works on clothing, if any of you would like to be rid of those stains."

"Maybe later," Shikamaru answered. He was frowning hard enough to get permanent frown lines between his eyebrows.

"Spells cast with wands are some of the most common," Iruka continued, "but how useful you find them depends entirely on what you hope to achieve with your magic. Wands cast almost exclusively in a straight line, which may be a liability in duels with those who do not use wands at all. On the other hand, spells cast through wands depend more strongly on your focus, your intent, than on the strength of your own inherent magic. The wand itself increases the potency of your magic so you use less of it. Once you learn how to channel your magic through a wand, you will understand the fundamentals of magic enough to cast some wand-based spells without one. For instance, if you ever drop your wand or have it taken from you, you can use accio to retrieve it." The fake wand had made it to the last of the boys, a tall one with a high coat and round black glasses. Iruka nodded at the boy, and then set his own wand down on the desk before summoning the fake wand to his hand. "You will learn to do this with your wand and the name of the spell, then just by saying the name of the spell, and finally without saying anything at all. This is the basics of what I will teach you in regards to your wands. Where you take it from there will be entirely up to you."

"Magical fights," Clef said to his three, "come in many forms. Traditional wand duels involve two parties standing in a fixed position at a set distance apart and casting spells at each other. You will experience that yourselves as you learn and practice spells. The magic itself is often invisible. You will not find that entertaining to watch."

"They just stand there?" asked Gon. "They can't dodge or anything?"

"Dodging is always useful," said Iruka, "but you will find it is very difficult to focus on spell casting while also attempting to evade a spell that is being cast at you. With traditional duels, defensive spells and counter attacks are more effective in defeating your opponent. Evasion is only advised if you can do so before the first spell is cast. Once the spells starting flying back and forth it can be difficult to focus on your feet." The boy's dissatisfaction was blatant. Iruka grinned at him. "If you're hoping for something more colorful and active, you won't be disappointed. As Clef said, you won't see much traditional dueling outside of practice sessions. We have a variety of teachers who are always eager to get some exercise in. You are welcome to challenge any of them at any time you feel capable of doing so. If a teacher refuses to accept your challenge, let me know and we will find a similar opponent you can test yourself against."

"Safely," said Clef. "If you wish to experiment in private you have merely to ask and a safe place will be arranged for you. Atlantis is a closed environment, so disembodied souls cannot move on to the spirit world. They may, however, wander too long for the physical body to be preserved. Do not flirt with death. There is no need for it. Anything you wish to do, no matter how dangerous, may be done in a safe manner so long as you do not hide it from your teachers."

In other words, no killing themselves or each other. That had been Iruka's primary contribution to the school. It shouldn't even need to be said. Kakashi in particular didn't see a problem with students learning and practicing interesting ways to murder each other. Some of the teachers came from worlds where life and death spells were tossed around as casually as jinxes and charms. But the majority of living worlds had spirit worlds, some with Gods who actively made sure souls were sent to the appropriate afterlife the moment they left their bodies. Atlantis wasn't just a closed environment, it was an artificial one. If students here learned a casual disregard for life and death they might carry that home where death was immediate and permanent. Iruka hadn't been able to convince the others not to teach such magic, but at least the students would be taught to never use such spells on each other or to risk their own lives while forming habits that would get them killed the moment they tried such things at home.

"Well," Iruka said, with a quick smile. "Shall we get some wands now and do a walk-about? I will show you how to use them to access the restrooms, your dorm rooms, the supply rooms, and to find your way around the school when you get lost. And you will get lost. Everyone does." He rose and went to the blank wall along the side of his office. He drew his wand to reveal the hidden cabinet that the standard wands were stored in, but his hand had barely risen when his wrist was caught. There was an arm sticking out of that 'wall'. A familiar arm. Iruka's eyes flashed and he grabbed Kakashi's wrist, yanking him into the open.

"Gentle," Kakashi winced. "They took me captive. You wouldn't believe the depraved things they did to my poor body. There was a-"

"How long have you been there?" Iruka demanded. "I can't believe you kidnapped-"

"Borrowed," said Kakashi. "I borrowed them. They'll get them back. And, anyway, I have permission to keep them now, so-" He had released Iruka's wrist and was intending to step back to put a little more distance between them. But his feet weren't obeying at the moment. He heaved a heavy sigh and looked as far to the side as he could without turning his head. The kid was a blurry shape in the corner of his eye. "You're not doing this again, are you?"

"Yes," said Shikamaru.

That shadow kid really was annoying. The others were moving in now, cautious but clearly eager for blood. Kakashi teleported to the other side of the room and transported Iruka to his seat with a swish of his wand so the man wouldn't be left standing there alone in the middle of those angry ninjas. Then he couldn't move, because that annoying kid had caught his shadow again. At least he could see him clearly this time. "Keep this up and I'm going to dump you back in the labyrinth with the first person to annoy me after you're gone. If you thought the first trip through was 'troublesome' wait till you see level two. That one is personalized."

Shikamaru opened his right hand, forcing Kakashi to drop his wand. Iruka retrieved it with an accio spell before it could hit the ground.

"I'm sorry," said Iruka. "I fully understand your need for revenge, but I can't let you break his wand. You might not have even thought to do that if I hadn't just told you about wands, so it would be my fault."

"I wasn't going to break it," said Shikamaru. "He might need it to send us home."

"Actually, I don't," said Kakashi. "I'll be using a dragon to send you guys home. Your Hokage doesn't want you gone any longer than necessary, so we'll doing a little time traveling when you go back."

"What?" Iruka yelped. "You can't be serious! Time travel is-"

"Forbidden," Kakashi sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yes, I know, and I'll feel just awful about doing it. I do so hate breaking rules made by people to govern a society that has absolutely nothing to do with me or anyone I know. Anyway," his eyes fell back on Shikamaru, "after a long talk with your leader she agreed to make your attendance at my school a mission. An A rank mission, which she says is a first for most of you. Wasn't that nice of her? So if you don't like it, you can take it up with her when you get home."

"Liar!" exclaimed the blonde boy.

Shikamaru grimaced. "Naruto, don't-"

Too late. There was a rush of movement, as if the blonde's cry was the attack signal they had all been waiting for. Although distracted in trying to save his hide, Kakashi noticed that Clef shielded Iruka's desk along with the three kids he had brought in. Good, one less thing to worry about. He got a few scratches before he could teleport to safety. They were fast with those weapons of theirs. He still had a piece of wire biting into his shoulder when he reappeared behind Shikamaru and snatched him. He dumped the brat and the mission scroll in the arena before coming back for the others.

This time Kakashi kept a shield up around himself so they could see their attacks were a waste of time. Oddly enough, it didn't seem necessary. He was only gone for a few seconds, but that was long enough for them to regroup in a tensely waiting silence. Lee broke that by stepping forward, his expression disappointed and upset. Kakashi winced at that. He hadn't gotten a read on most of them, but he and Lee had actually talked a bit and he liked the kid. He didn't like breaking his trust.

"What did you do with Shikamaru?" asked Lee.

"I didn't drop him in the labyrinth," Kakashi assured him. "I dropped him in the arena. Your leader gave me a scroll for him to read that outlines your mission. There are parts in there for each of you, and she'll be expecting regular progress reports. She also sent a summoning scroll, so if any of you have summons don't do them until we get that set up for this dimension. Your creatures could wind up in twisted puddles." That was a lie. Thankfully, Iruka didn't know enough about summons to reveal his lie in front of the kids. They would be able to draw their summons here just fine, it was sending them back that would be a problem. He didn't want a bunch of creatures hanging around that couldn't be dispelled easily. "Once we get our dimensions lined up, she wants you to summon the other Kakashi's dog and use him to send your reports. Then you can do your normal summons as much as you want."

"He's lying," the blonde boy insisted to the others. "Tsunade-baachan would never agree to this!"

"Yes, yes," Kakashi waved at the boy. "Suspicious ninjas. I know. That's why you each have a section in the scroll, which I assume includes things I couldn't possibly know. If that isn't enough to convince you, then nothing will be and we'll proceed accordingly. In the meantime, you can work out your anger against me while providing a nice show of what you're capable of."

"You want to test them? I haven't even handed out wands yet," Iruka protested.

Kakashi shrugged. "They can get them afterward. They won't need them for this."

"You intend to use the arena?" asked Clef. "Will you be taking part yourself?"

"Why?" asked Kakashi. "Did you offer to take their side against me?" He grinned when the mage merely stared at him. "You know me. I don't participate in duels. I'll be taking all the usual precautions. You're welcome to heal them, if you like, but no shields, please. I want to see what they're capable of doing on their own."

Clef nodded and turned to the three children behind him. "This may be the sort of magical fight you wished to see. If you care to join me, I will make sure we have a good vantage point from which to watch."

"Transport this lot to the main ring for me, while you're at it," said Kakashi. "I need a moment alone with Iruka."

With a tinkling swirl of wind they were gone and Kakashi was in the very last position he had wanted to be. Alone with an angry Iruka. But in a few minutes he would get to play with his new kids. That made up for the lecturing - and ranting - he was about to be subjected to.

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: The accio and reparo spells are from Harry Potter. The Wood card is from Cardcaptor Sakura.


	13. Chapter 13

Shikamaru barely had time to read the scroll before the others appeared. The teleportation method was notably unusual this time, a ruffle of wind and distant bells. They appeared in the center of the open area just as he had, and quickly joined him behind one of the pillars that lined this half of the sunken ring. Their reaction, when he admitted that the mission scroll seemed legitimate, was entirely predictable. He winced and fought the urge to cover his ears.

"Are you sure?" Lee asked hopefully.

"Why would you think it's real?" Kiba demanded.

"How do we know he's the real Shikamaru?" Naruto asked the others. "That Kakashi could have switched them on us!"

Kankuro was having none of it. "Just because Konoha decided to go along with this doesn't mean we should. Their so-called mission has nothing to do with us!"

"Just read it for yourselves," Shikamaru scowled, handing the scroll over to Kiba.

He didn't bother letting them see what had been written for him. It wasn't as if the 'personalized message' he had received would mean anything to them. Please move your pencil this time? Either Asuma had written that or he had been running his mouth again. The rest of them could bitch and moan, but they weren't the ones expected to stay rational and try to make sense of this crazy place. And progress reports? Seriously? There was no way he was going to sit down and write out everything they 'learned' and everything he witnessed while 'monitoring' everything the rest of them did. If the 'dog' was Pakkun he might find the motivation - because of Pakkun's sharp teeth - to pass along some verbal reports, but even that would asking a lot out of him. All of that on top of trying to keep the rest of them from getting themselves killed? Forget it. This 'mission' was doomed to failure. Tsunade was clearly just trying to do damage control. No one would have picked this many people for a single team. They definitely wouldn't have put him in charge of it.

"What does it say?" asked Naruto.

Kiba's face was bright red as he hid the text against him. "None of your damn business!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "You'll only see a personal message on the bottom part so long as you're the one touching the scroll. It's probably set to each person's chakra."

Naruto still wasn't convinced that this was the real Shikamaru, so he scowled at him before snatching the scroll away from Kiba.

The first half was way too much text. He skimmed a few parts that fit what Shikamaru had claimed, that it was an A rank extended 'information gathering' mission. The bottom, though, that definitely struck a nerve. 'At least you won't have to turn into a naked female to tempt these people into teaching you.' Naruto stared at that for a good minute before laughing. Ero-sennin had actually admitted that? He wondered if Tsunade had laughed at that or hit the old pervert. He hoped she had hit him. It really was a bunch of bullshit how he had to beg and bribe in order to get people to actually teach him stuff. That closet pervert Ebisu was the only one who had actually wanted to teach him, and he was so weak Jiraiya had taken him out without even trying to. Naruto was never going to be stupid enough to trust any of these people again, but at least this Iruka seemed as eager to teach them as the real Iruka was. Naruto wouldn't admit it to the others, but he really wanted to try out one of those 'spells'. If he could make a stick fly to his hand then he could do that with weapons and maybe even bunshin. The possibilities were endless!

Naruto handed the scroll to Sasuke and then wrinkled his nose at the text that appeared for him. "What does that mean? Remember to avoid dairy products when you're low on chakra? Why? Did you drink some bad milk? That's awful even when you have plenty of chakra."

Sasuke flushed irritably as he passed the scroll to Shino. "I didn't read yours," he muttered at Naruto.

"You could have," Naruto shrugged. "Mine was just about Ero-sennin making me bribe him with my Sexy Jutsu so he'd pay attention long enough to train me."

"What?"

"Yeah, he's a total pervert. No boobs? Not interested. Good thing I had my own special jutsu!"

Sasuke closed his mouth. Suddenly he wasn't quite as jealous as he had been that Naruto had received training from one of the 'legendary sannin' of Konoha. Flashing that ridiculous jutsu of his in order to get an old pervert to pay attention to him? Kakashi had mocked his weak stomach and picked at his pride, but he hadn't taken advantage of him to satisfy his own perversion. Even someone as naive as Naruto should realize how fucked up that was. That 'pervy sage' of his needed a swift kick to the ass. Or maybe the crotch. Sasuke grimaced. On second thought, Naruto was the pervert who had developed that technique in order to excite the older perverts, so he could deal with the consequences on his own. The dumbass.

"I knew it!" Lee exclaimed happily. "I was certain these people couldn't be enemies. An enemy wouldn't have helped me the way they did."

"The mission parameters say to withhold judgement for the time being," Neji reminded him. "They may yet prove to be enemies."

"They already have," said Shikamaru. He took the scroll and rolled it back up. "Read between the lines. This is a capitulation because, as far as the Hokage knows, that man is the only one who can send us home. If we find a way to get back on our own, we'll do so. Note the reference to the Sound invasion and consider Sand's part in that." Kankuro shot him a glare, which he ignored. "We're Sand in this situation, brought into it under false pretenses and forced to suffer the consequences in order to minimize the damage. Sand could have officially declared war against Konoha rather than capitulate, but no good would have come from that. Likewise, no good would come from us attacking people here when they are our only hope of getting home. So we stand down, play along, and learn as much as we can until the situation shifts in our favor. They are former enemies we will be treating as allies for the time being. That's all."

"May I read it?" asked Gaara.

Shikamaru immediately opened the scroll back up and handed it over. There was nothing sensitive in there. "The Hokage knows you're here, but Konoha had no part in you being taken. We won't be accepting responsibility."

"We only have your word for that," Kankuro reminded him. "As far as we know this is all some convoluted plot to-"

"Kankuro."

With a frustrated growl, Kankuro turned on him. "Why do you keep-" The scroll was held up in his face and he snapped his mouth closed. There was a line of text at the very bottom. His eyes bulged. "How the hell could Konoha have set that to your chakra? Their own shinobi, maybe, but not you! That just proves what I've been saying all along!"

"Perhaps," said Gaara. "We had to apply for official passes when we entered the village in order to take part in the exam. They had multiple opportunities from that point onward to collect samples from us." He handed the scroll to Kankuro, but no more text showed up. Perhaps Konoha didn't know who had been taken along with him. He took the scroll back and held it where Shikamaru could read the last line. It requested that he give any messages or reports he wanted sent to Sand to Shikamaru or Pakkun. "Who is Pakkun?"

Shikamaru read the line and sighed. "Pakkun is the name of one of Kakashi's nindogs. I figured he might be the one Tsunade was referring to us summoning here. I have dealt with him before." On a mission to track down Gaara, in fact. And he had considered that mission troublesome. He was so naive. "If you want to send along a written report, you'll have to write it yourself." Even if these people did have pencils, he had no intention of moving his any more than absolutely necessary. "Pakkun you can talk to directly." Though he wasn't sure how well the dog would relay a verbal report. Pakkun was awfully eccentric with those soft and supple paws of his.

"So what does this mean for us, for right now?" asked Kiba. "If we're supposed to treat that Kakashi as an ally does that mean we shouldn't 'work out our anger' on him in this test?"

A wash of foreboding had Shikamaru closing his eyes tightly. "Test...?"

They were in a sunken circular area. Aside from the semi-circle of pillars on one side, and two slightly raised circular platforms across from them, there was nothing but open space. But above that? Semi-circular seats where an audience could watch the 'action'. They weren't as far below those seats as they had been during the Chuunin exam, but the similarities were doing unpleasant things to Shikamaru's stomach. Those seats had been empty when Shikamaru had been left here. He grudgingly opened his eyes and peeked out around the pillar. The seats were no longer empty. Clef and the three kids were sitting right up front. There were a few strange looking people sitting around them, and he spotted another familiar face walking over to them. Laguna had apparently made it back from checking on his monsters. How nice. Shikamaru drew his head back into the shadows and thumped it against the pillar. Then he did it again, a little harder.

"Well?" Kiba prodded. "That pink-haired...guy said it was going to be a magical fight. What does that even mean?"

Naruto growled, "If he wants a fight, we'll give him one!"

"Perhaps we should refrain from revealing our full strength," said Shino. "The less they know about us-"

"The less they can teach us," Lee exclaimed. "That would hinder our ability to learn from them. Our mission is to learn as much as possible!"

"Information gathering," said Neji. "Our mission is to gather information, not to give it away."

"I'm for kicking the guy's ass until he's begging to send us home," Kankuro tossed in.

"Yeah!" Naruto exclaimed. "I bet he would at least take this stupid chain off if we threaten to break that stick of his."

"He did say he wouldn't need his 'wand' to send us back," said Sasuke. "But if they value those as much as their dominant hands, he'll do whatever he can to protect it. Stealing it might be enough to make him do what we want."

"Right!"

Shikamaru groaned and thumped his head on the pillar again. It wasn't helping. Maybe he wasn't doing it hard enough. "Steal the wand and they'll accio it back. Break it and they'll repair it. Annoy him enough and he might make good on his threat to dump us back in that maze. The point of that mission scroll was to protect us from ourselves, to make sure we don't antagonize him while he is capable of teleporting us anywhere he likes. Until we figure out a way around that ability of his, we stand down. Period. That's our mission. Stand down until we learn enough to act. As for this test? Whether we fight all out or half-ass it depends on what we're up against. The only real question," and he cracked open an eye to scowl at them, "is whether we refuse to participate in the 'test' or play along. Decide that quickly. If you refuse, that's it. Sit out and stay back and don't let anything they do change your mind. What we do right now will determine how we go forward. If you don't want them to know how strong you are, don't fight. Not now, not ever. Let them assume you're not a fighter. We could all be pencil-pushers for all they know." He rolled his yes. "Except for me, since everyone knows I don't move mine..."

"I wouldn't have gone to all of this trouble for pencil-pushers," said Kakashi. The kids scattered, darting back a few steps and crouching readily. All except for Shikamaru, who started to do that annoying trick of his. The shadow stopped a foot away, and then it vanished as the boy dropped both his hands and his head. Kakashi beamed at him. Maybe they were finally getting somewhere. He lifted a hand to wave at the others. "Hi, kids. You ready to show me what you can do? And no sitting this one out or holding back on me. Your own leader admitted you were the strongest kids your age. Don't want to make a liar of her, right?"

"You might have their leader's ear," said Kankuro, "but you don't have anything on us."

"Now that is true," Kakashi admitted. "For you two, I guess I'll have to threaten to throw you back in the maze. I could set it up so you have to sex the doors open. Think that would do it?"

"What the fuck?" Kiba exclaimed. "You can't do that!"

Kakashi smiled at him. "Why not?"

"Because they're both guys!" said Kiba.

"Because we're brothers," said Gaara.

"Really?" Kakashi shot a startled look from the little blank-faced redhead over to the tall red-faced brunette, and then he laughed. "Brothers. Yes, that makes a difference. I had no idea. Wow. Talk about a close call. Even I couldn't do that to brothers. I'm glad you told me. No, I can't threaten to put the two of you in there together. So," he smiled down at Gaara, "anyone else you really wouldn't want to be in there with? Anyone in particular?"

Kankuro lunged at him, growling when he struck some sort of invisible barrier. "If you even think about-"

"I am way past thinking about it," Kakashi informed him cheerfully. "I'm at the point of sticking names in a bowl and drawing them at random. Or we could avoid the whole threatening thing and you two could, you know, play along like the others. Just until the situation shifts in your favor and you find a way home without me?"

Shikamaru resumed thumping his head against the pillar. His own words. Sure. Rub it in some. Why not? No shinobi should be so stupid. They should have checked for eavesdroppers before discussing the contents of the scroll. How they could have found the man when he had either disguised himself as a wall or walked through one in that office, he didn't know. The man could teleport silently and hide very well. They still should have checked. Maybe Akamaru could have sniffed him out, or the byakugan or sharingan would have spotted something. They should have at least made an attempt at securing the perimeter rather than carelessly chatting away among themselves. If he were the proud and motivated sort, he would be very embarrassed right now. Good thing he knew better. He thumped his head again. This wasn't really his fault. He should never have been promoted to chuunin. He had told his father that, and Asuma, and he would have told Tsunade if she had asked his opinion on the matter. He jerked his head back again only to hit a palm this time instead of the pillar. He opened his eyes and glowered up at Shino.

Shino have a light push until Shikamaru grudgingly stepped away from the pillar. "We may need your brain intact."

"Not likely," Shikamaru muttered.

He looked over in time to see Kankuro swipe a kunai, which struck the air right in front of the man and then bounced off. Magic, no doubt. As if it wasn't bad enough the man could teleport out of a shadow bind without moving his body. Now they couldn't even touch him when he was standing right in front of them? He waited until Kankuro brought his arm back and then lifted his hands. He turned around and looked back over his shoulder, his shadows forcing Kakashi to do the same. The weapon bounced again, meaning the shield surrounded the man at the same distance in front and back. About a foot all the way around, then.

"What are you doing?" asked Kakashi. His smile was a bit forced. So much for him and Shikamaru making progress. He was turned around again. At least the sand demon's brother was no longer trying to attack him.

Shikamaru gave him a bland look. "Information gathering. Part of the mission. Neji? Sasuke? Anything?"

Neji took one look with the byakugan and rushed forward, but Kakashi vanished before he got within reach of that shield. The man reappeared on the other side of the pillar.

"You annoy me so much I'm starting to like you," Kakashi admitted, though he didn't move to where Shikamaru could see him. He assumed Shikamaru couldn't catch a shadow he couldn't see, and if the kids were ready to play then they were ready to come out of hiding. "You might want to watch out for that," he warned Shikamaru. A teacher should never play favorites. But since he was a headmaster rather than a teacher, those rules didn't actually apply to him. He smiled and glanced over at the kids in his line of sight. The sand pair, Neji, Lee, and Kiba. "If you guys are ready to gather some information, come on out of there and we can get started. Laguna-kun's dragon will be waking up any minute now. You might want to decide who is fighting what before that happens."

He jerked a thumb at the open ring behind him and then teleported over to the raised circular platform on the left side of the arena. He waited there, pleased when the kids peeked out of their hiding spot and reacted the way any kid would to their first sight of a dragon. All kids were funny when their mouths dropped open and they started babbling like that.

.-.

Laguna squirmed restlessly in his seat. "He looks so small down there."

"He looks big enough to ride," said Gon. "How big do your dragons get? My dad said he rode a dragon once and it was huge!"

"Some dragons are huge," Laguna agreed. "Mountain sized. One of those would never fit inside the school without some remodeling. Ruby Dragons are average size for your normal dragons. They seem huge when you're facing one by yourself or with one or two people, because even with strong magic it can take forever to kill one. But one ruby against nine people? That's not right."

A slender dark-skinned man slipped into the seat beside him. "Do you believe the dragon will lose?"

"Kiros! You made it!" Laguna smiled at the kids seated in front of Clef and quickly introduced them. "This is Kiros Seagill. He teaches wandless magic, mainly consumable types. We do a lot of joint classes since some of the best consumable magic relies on items you can only get or make by hunting down or raising the right kind of monster."

"Such as Ruby Dragons," said Kiros. "Is this one of yours?"

"No," Laguna grimaced. "Hiko caught me a young female and this guy has been flying around her for months. He's way too old for her. Besides, I'm hoping to breed her with a black dragon. I really wanted to try a blue, but she's already too big and yet still too young for that. So black it is. That leaves me with this guy to take care of. I wanted him out of the picture, but I don't want him dead. He looks so small..."

"I'm sure he will look far bigger up close. And, if I recall correctly, size isn't really a factor when it comes to a Ruby Dragon. How strong do you think those children are?"

Laguna squirmed some more. They were Kakashi's kids, so they had to be brimming with magical potential whether they knew any spells or not. But it wasn't the magic he was concerned about. Ruby Dragons were great against magic. No, it was those weapons of theirs. "They have weapons and they don't hesitate to use them. And Kakashi gave Clef permission to heal the kids, but he didn't promise to heal the dragon. This could end up being a slaughter. A slow slaughter, but still a slaughter. It's not right to pit a ruby against that many opponents who use physical attacks."

"Physical attacks?" asked Gon. He didn't look as if he would mind that. He glanced back at Clef. "I thought you said it would be a magical fight."

"The dragon will use magic," Clef assured him. "I believe it will also use physical attacks. Most dragons do."

"Claws," said Laguna. "Rubies rarely bite. They have narrow snouts and that big black crest is their crowning glory. They're smart enough to protect their heads. They mostly use their claws. And sometimes the tail, but I've never actually seen one do that." He might be seeing it now. Nine people against one poor little dragon? He was grateful to Kakashi for saving his boss Marlboro, and he really did want this buck dragon away from his little girl. But no dragon deserved to be slaughtered, especially an agonizingly slow slaughter. He rubbed his hands on his pants and shot Kiros a hopeful look. "Do you think Kakashi will cast at least a few cures his way? Just to keep things interesting?"

"If he doesn't, I will revive your dragon myself after the fight is over," Kiros promised.

Laguna beamed and bounced in his seat. "You're the best!"

"I know."

.-.

"Is that what dragons look like?" asked Naruto. They had always been described as serpents in the stories he had heard. Like one of those dogs with the long low bodies, only dragons had a horse's head and mustaches and tiny little wings too small to hold them in the air. He had always thought they were more like lizards slinking along the ground than flying creatures. This creature was bright red with big bat-like wings, a long neck that ended in a narrow pointy head with a black v-shaped crest that flowed back over its shoulders, a somewhat rounded yellow underbelly, and four thick limbs tipped with big black claws. It was about the size of four horses. Awfully small. Compared to those green poison monsters, this creature was downright pretty.

"If they call it a dragon, it's a dragon," Kiba shrugged. Who cared what it was called? Those claws were huge. The black spikes on its back and tail were just as big and sharp looking. The mouth might be small, but all four legs were armed to do some serious damage. He shot a look at Shino. "How are you gonna fight that thing with your bugs?"

"The same way I would any opponent," said Shino.

"Neji?" asked Shikamaru.

"I can't see any chakra paths," Neji admitted. "It appears solid, but I can't see into it."

"You're with me, then," Shikamaru muttered.

"What do you mean?" demanded Kankuro. "You two sitting this out?"

"No, we'll be targeting him." Shikamaru gauged the distance between the closest pillar on that side of the room and the raised platform Kakashi was standing on. It wasn't quite close enough for his shadows to reach without breaking cover, but it was more than close enough to interfere with him. He shot a look at Shino. "You should target him as well. I doubt he's standing there just to watch what we do against that creature."

"Yes," Shino frowned, "I see your point. Without your puppet," he said to Kankuro, "you might also be more useful focusing on him. If Neji can break his shield, your wires could prove more effective than Shikamaru's shadow jutsu."

Kankuro scoffed irritably. Might, if, could? At least with the 'dragon' he would be guaranteed some action. "And if he starts teleporting all over the place?"

That was exactly what Shikamaru was hoping for. "We drive him toward those fighting the dragon or toward a trap of our own."

"Okay," frowned Kiba, "but what good is catching him in a trap if you can't hold him? He'll just teleport out of it."

Shikamaru frowned at the man, who was watching them with a smug smile. "I'm less concerned about holding him and more concerned about what he might do if we don't keep him occupied. He's standing there for a reason."

"It's moving!" cried Naruto.

The dragon lifted its head and slowly began to uncurl. Its wings shot out to either side of it, stretching and arching, and then it was on its feet. Its eyes were small white glints against its black head crest as it looked around itself. It gave a low warning growl at Kakashi. Then its head snapped around, its attention locking onto the kids visible behind the pillars. Its head drew back on its neck, like a snake about to strike, and then shot forward to spew steaming air at them. The gas cloud ignited on contact in small fiery explosions that continued to burst around them even as they scattered to get away from it. Gaara blocked it with his sand, and Neji with his chakra, but the others continued to be singed until they had moved out of range.

Shikamaru took off for the pillar closest to Kakashi. Shino tossed one of his weapons packs to Sasuke before following the others. Gaara stepped out into the open and sent a wave of sand that caught one of the dragon's hind legs. He wasn't able to crush the limb, but the dragon had turned and was clawing at the sand. Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a quick look, and then their chain was long enough for each of them to stand behind a different pillar as Sasuke armed himself and Naruto created some bunshin. Then Lee and Kiba were out, attacking the dragon's exposed neck and side. The dragon whipped around, swiping at them with its claws, but was pinned down by the sand. By the time Naruto and Sasuke joined the barrage the dragon was roaring, it's head twitching back and forth to follow the movements on either side of it. The wings shot back, going open and tight, and suddenly huge balls of molten rock slammed down all over it, crushing the sand, pounding Gaara's shield, and sending the others diving for cover. The dust cleared to reveal the dragon with its head back in that striking pose, its eyes glinting with unmistakable intelligence. There wasn't a mark on it.

In the stands, Kiros raised an eyebrow at Laguna. "And you were worried about the dragon?"

"Death by a thousand paper cuts," Laguna said gloomily. "Just because you can't see the damage doesn't mean it isn't adding up. You saw that, right? It just cast Meteor, and nothing. They're not even bleeding. I don't even think his breath attack hurt them."

"And his Flare?"

Laguna perked up. "Yes! There's still that. And demi! Oh, I hope he gets that sand kid with a demi. Take out their only shield and-"

"Try not to root too strongly for the dragon," Kiros smiled. "It is a monster, after all. They're students."

"Well, at least one of them is bully. He'd deserve a demi for sure." Laguna looked past the four kids beating on the poor dragon and tried to spot the ones hiding behind the pillars. Aside from its breath attack, which spread out with the air, the dragon's group attacks only targeted those facing it openly on the same level as it. Were the others staying in reserve until the front fighters needed a breather? That wasn't fair at all. Nine people against one dragon that couldn't even cure itself was wrong.

He was about to complain about that again when suddenly there were six extra people pounding away on the poor ruby with punches and kicks. They had come out from behind the pillars, but two of them were identical to the blonde boy in orange. And, no, he realized, they weren't all using punches and kicks. There were flashes of metal and, he winced, blood was dripping along the dragon's underbelly. Paper cuts. And the dragon was roaring in frustration and rage at being harassed this way. It drew its head all the way back until its black crest was between its spread wings, exposing the long length of its neck, and then it cast a Flare on every single one of them. Laguna's fist shot in the air and he would have cheered if Kiros hadn't slapped a hand over his mouth. Right. It wasn't good for a teacher to root too strongly against students. He flushed and grinned when Kiros took his hand away with a pointed look. He would be more careful to keep his cheering on the inside.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow when six of the kids vanished in small poofs of smoke. He had wondered about those. Shikamaru hadn't struck him as the 'tactile-combat' type, and the fact that there were two extra blonde kids made his suspicions turn toward that one. Now there was only one blonde kid, lying in a crumpled and singed pile next to his partner. The sand demon's shield had shattered, but it had lasted long enough to block the flames. That shield had also protected the pillar behind the boy, and the little white dog peeking out from around it. Kakashi winced. He had completely forgotten Kiba's pet. A dragon fight was no place for a puppy. Kakashi shot a quick look to the stands, catching Clef's eye. The mage quickly cast a shield around the dog. Kakashi sighed in annoyance. He had hoped Clef would remove it from the fight entirely. Just because it couldn't be hurt didn't mean it couldn't be frightened. He didn't mind traumatizing the kids a little, but even he drew the line at traumatizing a puppy. With that in mind, he looked at the dog's owner. He and Lee were also singed, but not as badly as the chained pair. Lee had gotten them both out of range quickly enough to avoid the worst of the blast. Nothing like some super speed to make up for the kid's lack of magic.

The dragon lunged forward, one of its claws bearing down on Naruto and Sasuke. A wave of sand cut it off, wrapping around its neck and arm and pulling it down and backwards. Kiba tossed a small black ball that exploded in a cloud of smoke, completely obscuring the dragon. He darted into the cloud with Akamaru hot on his heels. Lee had darted over and crouched beside Naruto. Naruto winked at him, and Lee let out a relieved breath before leaving the bunshin where they lay and joining the real pair behind the pillars. Kiba had warned him against entering the smoke cloud, because he and Akamaru were liable to hit him once they began their spiraling attacks.

"Are you two all right?" Lee asked quietly. Naruto and Sasuke looked every bit as singed as the fakes had, but they were standing and appeared more than ready to jump back into the fray.

"We need to get its head back again," said Sasuke. He glared at the chain. It had shortened the moment he and Naruto had tried to dodge the flames. Their reactions were too different when it came to defense. For all his stamina and quick healing, Naruto wasn't as fast as him. Naruto either stood his ground and risked the damage or tried to evade it sooner than Sasuke would have. If they wanted to avoid getting tangled, Sasuke would have to grab him and take him with him next time.

"More bunshin targeting its back and sides," said Naruto. "Especially near the back legs. That really pissed it off."

Sasuke nodded. "Neji, Kankuro, and two of your own." A quick glance found that Kiba and Akamaru were slowing down. Just as well, since the smoke cloud was dissipating. He caught Lee's eye. "Give it time to do another attack first. Then we go in."

"Right!"

Kakashi's eyebrows shot up when two Kibas skidded back out of the cloud. Those were some sharp claws and fangs the kid was sporting. A poof of smoke and one of the boys became a little white puppy dog. He nearly laughed. So much for Clef's shield. And since he had asked the man to cast it, he couldn't complain about the fact that one of the dragon-attackers was now immune to all attacks. Hopefully the kids wouldn't figure that out in time to take advantage of it. Kiba joined the dog as it took off for that spot behind Gaara again, and the dragon's head shot out of the smoke to snarl at the sand boy. A black ball of energy surrounded the boy and clutched, squeezing inward and crackling with bits of white lightening. Kakashi winced. That was a spell he had hoped the dragon wouldn't use. Demi took a good fourth of a person's energy. And for it to be used on Gaara? Even with a demon, it had to take a lot of energy to control that sand of his. The blackness faded, leaving the boy standing in the same position he had been from the start, with his feet apart and his hands folded over his chest. He looked perfectly fine. But he wasn't. Demi was an unblockable spell. A few more of those and he wouldn't be fine at all. The dragon, on the other hand was better than fine. It reared on its hind legs and beat its wings to clear the rest of the smoke. Its red scales were gleaming. Why? It should have taken quite a bit of damage from that attack. Kiba and his dog had turned into visible cyclones of spinning claws. Kakashi shot another glance toward the stands, at Laguna this time. The man was all but bouncing in his seat and grinning his biased head off. Cyclone, Kakashi thought with a sigh. Cyclones made wind and Ruby Dragons absorbed wind. Iruka was going to lecture him for this. He should have found out what sort of attacks the kids were liable to use before deciding what kind of monster to set them against.

The dragon lunged forward to swipe at the chained pair. The clones poofed just as Naruto's new batch darted out to attack the dragon's sides and back, while Lee targeted its neck until it reared back in rage. Its crest moved between its spread wings, its chest swelling, and then it cast another of those flaming jets that poofed the clones, singed Lee again, and began turning Gaara's sand shield into glass. Sasuke darted out in front of it and countered the jet with a fire jutsu of his own. The two flames clashed for a moment, then the dragon cut its attack off and Sasuke's fire enveloped it. That wasn't the reaction Sasuke had expected, but the dragon's head was back, its neck was exposed, and Naruto flashed around him to bury a rasengan right at the juncture of the creature's neck and chest. The dragon was thrown backwards so hard it flipped over and snapped one of its wings. Gaara's sand rushed over to clutch the torn flesh and ripped the wing clear off.

Laguna shot out of his seat in horror, only to be yanked back down by Kiros. He barely noticed. His face was ash white as he stared at the sudden mass of kids pounding on the poor mutilated dragon. "They're monsters...!"

"That was awesome!" Gon exclaimed.

Laguna shot him a horrified look. The other two kids looked just as impressed. Didn't they have any sympathy at all? The ruby was on its side, struggling to right itself, with its belly utterly exposed. Any second now that blonde kid might- But he already was. Laguna looked back just in time to see the boy dart in to bury another of those small spinning balls of energy right into the dragon's stomach. Laguna covered his mouth and looked away. They were monsters.

Kakashi was very pleased. The fire attack had worried him. Red dragon plus fire? No one should make that mistake. These kids obviously knew nothing at all about dragons and elemental magic. But Naruto's attack had undone any healing the dragon had received from the flame, and with the way they were tearing into the creature this fight might be over in a matter of minutes. He was debating on whether or not to heal the dragon and prolong things a little when a green glow surrounded the dragon. The dragon was casting Reflect? Now? Kakashi was already wincing when the spell struck Naruto's ball of energy and bounced it back at him. The boy went flying. Sasuke leapt to him before the chain could drag him along, and snatched him out of the air. The two landed halfway between the dragon and the pillar. Even from where he stood, Kakashi could see the blonde's hand was a mutilated mess of red.

He started to lift his wand, aiming to heal the boy and save Clef the trouble, but his hand didn't move. He let out a very long sigh. He had known Shikamaru wasn't the sort to fight directly. He couldn't turn his head to see how close the boy was to him. He had a good view of Naruto, though, so he got to watch as Clef healed the boy's hand. Just in time, too, because the dragon was seriously angry. Another Meteor spell crashed down on the boys, scattering them. The moment the spell ended, Kakashi would teleport behind the nearest pillar and drive Shikamaru into the open.

Kankuro broke cover and caught Kakashi up with his wires, yanking him off that raised platform. Some of those flaming rocks immediately crashed down over both of them. Shikamaru had theorized that might happen. That explained why Kakashi had stayed in that one spot, raised above the rest of the ring. The dragon's attacks only hit those in the open and those on the same level as itself. Between his wires and the dragon's rocks, Kakashi would have taken some damage if he hadn't been shielding himself. Kankuro's wires went from wrapping the air around Kakashi to falling empty as the man teleported away. Kankuro didn't wait to see where he ended up. He dashed over and jumped onto the platform himself. A moment later he spotted Kakashi skidding out from behind the closest pillar. The man must have teleported over there and been met by Neji. That shield of his was just a layer of chakra, according to Neji. Hopefully Neji had gotten enough hits in to break that. Kakashi vanished again, reappearing across the room on the other raised platform. Kankuro waved a kunai at him and grinned. It was irritating that they couldn't hold him, but moving him around like a pawn was rather fun.

Kakashi grinned back at Kankuro, because he had to acknowledge a good plan when he saw one. It hadn't been Shikamaru waiting for him behind that pillar. He wasn't sure what Neji had done with those super fast open handed blows of his, but it had shattered his shield faster than he could react. He wasn't sure even his sharingan would let him move quickly enough to counter that. Heat drew his attention back to the dragon. He was much closer to it, now, closer than he had intended to get. It was casting Meteor again as it finally climbed back to its feet. This time it didn't wait for the spell to end before lunging forward and catching Kiba with one of its claws. Kakashi had been too distracted from the fight to see how and why Kiba had gotten that close. Maybe he was slowing down. The claws caught him in the middle and nearly sliced him in half. Clef's magic was already on him before he hit the ground. Kakashi still winced at the impact. Naruto's hand had been unexpected - even Kakashi had forgotten Ruby Dragons could cast Reflect. But if Kiba had slowed down enough to take that much damage from the dragon's weakest attack, he was done. Kakashi flashed his wand at the boy and removed him from the fight. The puppy leapt out of hiding and Kakashi removed him as well. One down, eight to go. And one very pissed off dragon that was already attacking again. As far as he knew these dragons tended to think their spells out and pause between attacks. This one had to be suffering serious damage to be using its flare again so soon.

Lee took cover behind the pillars. The fire attacks didn't seem to strike behind those. Gaara shielded himself with Sand. Sasuke took up a stance right in front of the dragon and countered the flames with his own. He cut off his flames a moment after the dragon cut off its own, just long enough to see his fire making contact with its body. If it wasn't bouncing his fire, surely it couldn't bounce Naruto's energy, either. But the dragon wasn't falling for the same combo twice. It didn't wait for Naruto to rush it this time. It darted forward and caught the chain with its teeth, its head knocking Sasuke to the side as it yanked Naruto into the open. Naruto didn't need to be yanked, though. He barreled at dragon. A head shot was even better than a neck shot. He had nearly reached it when its mouth opened and it shot those red hot flames directly at him. He frantically tried to stop his charge, but he was too close and going too fast. Heat singed his eyebrows and then he hit the floor hard, rolling into Sasuke thanks to that fucking chain becoming short again. Those flames roared in their direction until Sasuke cut them off with his fire. Naruto turned back in time to see Lee turn from a blackened bloody mess who had just saved him by shoving him out of the way back into his usual unmarked self. Then the boy vanished just like Kiba had.

And then there were seven, Kakashi thought sadly. Lee really was a great one. He would have to find someone really good to take that kid under his wing. Just a little magic to go with those reflexes of his and the kid would be unstoppable. Naruto and Sasuke went back behind the pillars and Neji and two unchained Narutos came back out to irritate the dragon. Kakashi wasn't buying it this time. Neji was targeting him, not the dragon. And after the way Neji had broken his shield he knew the boy could do more damage with his open palms than with some pointy weapons. Naruto had to be behind the random extras. He wondered which pillar the real Neji was hiding behind. Probably the one closest to him, along with Shikamaru. And the other one? He hadn't caught a glimpse of the other one at all.

Another Meteor spell rumbled down on the fighters, and Kakashi looked at the ground separating him from the nearest pillar. He should probably keep an eye out for shadows. He glanced back just in time to duck under a kunai. The fake Neji was rushing at him, his hands doing signs in front of him. Kakashi was startled and amused. What was Naruto playing at? He lifted his wand and then froze with it pointing upward. Shikamaru again? From where? The fake Neji, who suddenly didn't seem so fake, struck him all along his raised arm and then knocked him off his platform with an open-handed blow to the chest that hurt like a bitch. Kakashi tasted blood in his mouth. He teleported a few feet to the side and turned to see Neji hop onto his platform. Along the wall, right where that kunai would have landed, was Shikamaru. Kakashi couldn't stop himself from laughing. These kids had some clever tricks at their disposal. He spotted the shadow streaking at him and quickly teleported behind one of the pillars. Not the closest one this time. He did learn from his mistakes. He didn't see any sign of the last one, Shino, but he was keeping an eye out for him. That could prove difficult, though, since he needed to keep an eye on the dragon fight as well.

Kakashi stepped out from behind the pillar. Shikamaru and Neji were both on the second platform now, probably too far away for that shadow to reach him. They were also throwing weapons at the dragon, which was being attacked by another cluster of kids who were probably all Naruto. Probably. Neji had been real, so he couldn't be too sure of anything. Still no sign of Shino. Or the chained pair, for that matter. Naruto and Sasuke were heavy hitters. What were they doing behind the pillars? Kankuro was still standing on the other platform. Kakashi wondered if he should pop over there and steal it from him. The kids had worked so hard to get him off the platforms, though. It would be mean to steal one back now. He would give them a few minutes to enjoy their work before he did the mean thing and kicked Kankuro off his perch. In the meantime, he strolled toward the main pillars to see what Naruto and Sasuke were up to.

The moment Sasuke spotted Kakashi, he blew a fire jutsu at him. The man vanished, and Sasuke whipped around to throw another jutsu behind him. He thought he might have singed him a bit before he vanished again. He didn't reappear on either side this time. He and Naruto exchanged a quick look and then checked the dragon. Shikamaru had its head frozen in the striking position. Kankuro had bound its jaws shut with his wires, and Gaara had his sand holding down its front legs. One of Naruto's bunshin rushed over to help him with his rasengan as Sasuke readied a chidori. Then they went in for the kill. Sasuke's arm sunk into it like a hot knife through butter. Naruto's attack, on the other hand, tore and burrowed and shoved so hard the force ripped through the sand and wire holding the dragon in place and it flew back with a spray of blood that burned their faces. It rolled head over tail until it crashed into the other side of the ring. For a moment it just lay there. Then its limbs twitched and he and Naruto started charging a second attack.

Kakashi had reappeared a few feet behind Kankuro just in time to see a second Kankuro wrap wires around the dragon's jaws. Then he stood frozen in appreciation at the combination of teamwork and power. The surprise helped hold him immobile, too. That was his attack Sasuke had just used. The other Kakashi had created the same magical attack as him? And taught it to someone else? And Sasuke had been able to learn it? He stared hard at the boy until he finally noticed his eyes. Sharingan. Two of them. The bloodline was still alive in their world. He was so caught up in the pleasure of that, he didn't realize the kids were preparing to finish the dragon off until those familiar chirps set up in the air again. They had done enough. No sense torturing Laguna.

He raised his wand to cast a stop spell. Nothing happened. He sent a quick look at the Kankuro on the pillar, and then stared as his wand. It wasn't broken. They hadn't even touched it. Had Neji's hits done something to his arm? He switched hands and was about to try again when he felt a tickling sensation. His eyes dropped, widened, and then he tossed his wand away with a disgusted cry. There were bugs on his wand! Lots of them!

Shino stepped off the platform and picked up the wand before releasing his henge. Shikamaru hadn't predicted Kakashi would be so upset by the bugs that he would throw the wand himself. Otherwise, everything had gone according to plan. Rather simple, really. He lifted a hand over his head, and Shikamaru called off Naruto and Sasuke. The others headed toward them, and he turned to raise an eyebrow at Kakashi. The man's eye was still large and still latched onto the bug covered wand.

"Did you do that?" Kakashi demanded. "Put bugs on my wand? Why would you do that?"

"Is this test over?" asked Shino.

"Not until you get the bugs off my wand! I can't believe you did that. Bugs on a wand? Why? Who does things like that?"

Shino waited until the others reached him. They would probably appreciate Kakashi's reaction more than he did. He glanced over at Kankuro. "He doesn't like bugs on his wand."

"You're the only one who likes bugs on anything," Kankuro scoffed. Then he grinned. "Yeah, that's pretty good, though."

"Good?" Kakashi demanded. He tore his eyes away from his infested wand and gave them all an exasperated look. "I'll start praising you guys for a job very well done as soon as you make him get the bugs off my wand."

"Leave them on," said Naruto. "I don't want his praise. This is better. Can you stick some more bugs on there?"

Kakashi wasn't about to risk that. He accio'd his wand into his left hand, cringed at the creepy crawlies and cast a cleaning spell to get them off. A peek found a bug crawling over his wrist. He flapped his arm and did another spell over his entire body. The pile of bugs on the floor was abruptly twice as big. He stared down at the bugs in horror. "You put bugs on me, too? What kind of magic is that?"

"It runs in the family," said Shino.

Kakashi didn't ever want to meet the rest of his family, then. He cast a sleep spell on the dragon, which had started getting to its feet, and then waved for Clef to heal it. By that time he felt a little less like he needed to strip naked and do a full body search for more bugs. He shook his head at the kids. "You all were very impressive. The other two were, as well. Don't think they got taken out early because they weren't good enough. I just figured I would let the dragon take you out one by one rather than let you pound on it for hours. Ruby Dragons can take an insane amount of damage before they die. But you would have killed it if left to your own devices, so very well done. I'll give you back to Iruka now so you can get your standard wands and settle in. You definitely deserve a rest. Clef will give you a quick heal before you go. I'll see the rest of you at dinner this evening."

He teleported over behind Shikamaru and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Except for you," he smiled, when the boy scowled back at him. "You and I need to have a talk right now."

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: Kiros and the Ruby Dragon, along with the spells it used, are from Final Fantasy 8.


	14. Chapter 14

Kakashi finally understood why Shikamaru irritated him so much. The boy was a game player. He and the others had moved Kakashi around the board like a chess piece, giving him a taste of his own medicine. It wasn't pleasant being manipulated that way. The difference between him and Shikamaru was that although Shikamaru was better at the game, he was a reluctant player. He didn't enjoy playing it and so he didn't get the satisfaction out of winning that Kakashi did. Nothing was more frustrating than that. It made Kakashi want to torture him into playing and then torture him more and more until he finally learned to like it properly. Dangerous, very bad thoughts and urges, downright sadistic, really, so it was for Shikamaru's own good that Kakashi needed to put a stop to this little game of theirs right now. He was worried it might already be too late. Kakashi had never been checkmated before. Checkmating the kid back wouldn't satisfy him. He wanted to do it over and over again until the kid squirmed. Yeah, it was probably too late. Kakashi gave it a try, anyway.

Shikamaru found himself standing on a moonlit rooftop in what appeared to be Konoha. This was the same spot on the same rooftop where he had been standing when he had first caught the man in his shadow jutsu. He didn't bother to use it this time. He watched the man step out from behind him and walk over to sit down cross-legged a few feet in front of him. Kakashi waved at him, and Shikamaru sat down himself with a heavy sigh. "What now?"

"Now we renegotiate our terms," Kakashi smiled. "No shadows, no teleportation, just two people talking things out. Or you could leave." He sent a slow look around, his eye catching on two men who were walking along the street below them. One of the men looked up, frowned at him, and then waved. Kakashi waved in return. When he looked back at Shikamaru the boy was frowning at him. As always. Kakashi really wanted to force a different expression onto his face. But that was one of those bad thoughts, and he was here to avoid having those. "This is real. This is your village. It has been hours since I took you, so it's night here now, but this is it. You're home, just like you wanted. Feel free to run off. I won't chase you."

"What do you want?" Shikamaru demanded. He wasn't a traitor and he wasn't stupid enough to fall for such an obvious trap.

"Not much. Just for you to stop using that trick of yours on me every time we meet. It's annoying," Kakashi said frankly. "It makes me want to annoy you in return. And the things I would do to annoy you would not be good for either of us. So stop it. Or leave. You're free to go. If you come back with me, you do what you advised the others to do and stand down. Decide quickly. What you decide right now will determine how we go forward."

Throwing his own words at him again? Shikamaru sighed in annoyance. His technique was the only thing he knew for certain bothered the man. It didn't hurt or hold him, but it obviously bothered him quite a bit or he wouldn't be doing this. Shikamaru would be a fool to give that up. "What if I agree now and then do it anyway?"

There it was. Kakashi ground his teeth in a tight grin. If that had been said in a taunting tone, or with anything but that sullen annoyed expression, he would have taunted him back and then laughed the whole thing off. But even dragging threats out of Shikamaru was like pulling teeth. There was something really wrong with the kid and Kakashi just wanted to tackle him and give him a noogie until he had a mop on his head and was flailing and wailing to be released. He couldn't even do that, because he already knew Shikamaru would just scowl and mutter at him and then he would have to try something even worse and that was a dark and twisted road he knew better than to go down.

"Don't," said Kakashi. "In the arena, that's fine. I challenged you guys and you rose to the challenge, and that's fine." Well, it wasn't actually fine. It was really annoying, in fact, because he hadn't realized the extent to which he was being manipulated until the very end. But it proved the kids were a good set and that reflected well on him for having found them, so that was good. He could deal with that. "When we're facing off, you can do as you like. But no more using those shadows on me when I'm merely trying to talk to you. I can't have you doing that every time you see me. That's asking for it. You're essentially picking a fight with me. Keep doing that and I will fight back. You won't like that. I won't like that." Iruka certainly wouldn't like that. "So don't do it. To be nice, I will even sweeten the deal by offering a concession of my own."

Shikamaru gave him a bland stare.

Kakashi's eyebrow twitched. The kid wasn't even tempted to ask. They could probably sit here for an hour and Shikamaru would just wait for him to explain himself in his own good time. Maybe that was what was wrong with the kid. He was like an old man. Kakashi stopped trying to smile. "When we're in the arena, we do whatever we like. In the halls or anywhere outside the arena, you don't use your shadows on me without warning me and I won't teleport you without warning you."

"That isn't a concession on your part," Shikamaru pointed out. "I can only catch you if you aren't warned and I catch you off guard. You can teleport me whether I'm warned of it or not."

"But I won't, you see? In fact," he leaned forward and dropped his voice, "I hereby give you my word that unless it is to save your life, I will never teleport you anywhere ever again without your express permission if you agree to never use that technique on me again outside the arena without warning me first. And note, I didn't ask you to get my permission before using it, just that you warn me that you are about to use it."

That was quite a concession, assuming the man kept his word. It was also a very strange one. "Why would my warning you make such a difference?"

"Because it tells me the game is on, and leaves it up to me whether or not I participate." He should probably avoid participating at all costs. But he didn't want the kid to stop altogether. It would be boring if Shikamaru truly stood down. Leaving the kid free to irritate him now and then would make it more fun when it came time to irritate him back. Kakashi just needed to put some clear limits on it so he didn't snap and give in to his baser instincts. If he found a way to mess the kid up without breaking him, then he could renegotiate their terms and have some real fun with him. He was afraid that might never happen, though. That would be a shame. A very frustrating shame.

Kakashi leaned back and folded his arms over his chest. "Do we have a deal? Or will you be running off now?"

"It's a deal," Shikamaru shrugged. A deal he would break without a qualm should the need arise. A former enemy to be treated as a current ally was often a future enemy. As the Hokage had made clear in her mission scroll, they were Sand in this situation. But this man wasn't Konoha, as he had let the others assume, he was Sound. Things would be smoother if he didn't point that out to the others, but it was something he would be keeping in mind.

"Wonderful," Kakashi beamed. He rose and pushed the cloth off his sharingan. "May I transport you back to the school, then?"

Shikamaru rose more slowly. "Before you do, I have a question."

"Yes?"

"What would you have done if I had chosen to stay here?"

"What do you think?" asked Kakashi. "I would have left you here and taken your teammate instead." He was disappointed when all the boy did was sigh. "You already knew that. Is that the reason you weren't tempted to stay?"

"No," Shikamaru admitted.

Chouji wouldn't mind being taken his place. In fact, Chouji would probably jump at the chance to get him out of this mess at his own expense. Chouji was easy-going and adaptable and would probably do better in this situation than most of the others. But even if Kakashi had promised to let him go without taking Chouji it wouldn't matter. It was a mission now. If he left the rest of them there, he would be abandoning his mission and then he would have to leave the village and go into hiding as a traitor and he couldn't think of any life that would be more troublesome than that of a missing-nin. Oh, and he would have some guilt for abandoning the others, too. Not that his presence would make much difference, but if he was there he could at least try now and then. So, no, he hadn't been tempted. Not even a bit. The problem was that Kakashi had already known he wouldn't be tempted to run if he thought Chouji would be taken instead. He couldn't figure out why Kakashi didn't just threaten to fetch Chouji any time he annoyed him. It would have been a lot simpler.

"Can I send you back, then?" asked Kakashi.

"Sure," Shikamaru muttered. He looked up and the world swirled in black and white, with a brief glimpse of empty gray, and then he was standing behind one of the pillars in the arena with Kakashi no where in sight. He blinked his eyes clear and then let out a long sigh. He had already known the man didn't need to move to teleport. Obviously he didn't need to touch a person either. That was too annoying for words.

.-.

Laguna had jumped down into the arena seconds after Kakashi vanished. Had he waited a moment he could have gone with Clef, but he had eyes only for the dragon. It was fully healed and sleeping peacefully, both wings in their proper place and no gaping holes anywhere to be seen. Having confirmed that for himself, he rushed over to congratulate the kids. He didn't notice how tense they all were.

"You guys are vicious!" he exclaimed. "Monsters, all of you! If I had known you were that bad I would never have let Kakashi talk me into supplying a Ruby Dragon. They're gorgeous, noble, proud, intelligent and..." He let out a disgusted breath. "I should have made him set you against a gassy green. Those things are a menace. Everyone hates those. One of those would have deserved anything you could dish out."

"Do you know where our teammates are?" asked Shino.

"The two who were removed from the fight?" Laguna frowned. "They should be close by."

Laguna looked at the stands, where Clef was talking to the new kids, and then turned to scope out the arena. The two kids who had been removed from the fight should have been placed somewhere close enough to watch the rest of it. Usually they would have been moved to the stands if someone capable of healing them was present. Otherwise they would be sent to the infirmary. Clef had healed them before Kakashi had removed them, so they should be here somewhere. He eyed the walls, the pillars, the raised platforms, and then the floor. He was staring at the floor directly under them when he gasped and turned, waving for Clef to hurry up. Then he went over and clapped a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"I didn't think much of you," he admitted, "when you kept using that fire on a red dragon. Even a beginner should have realized something was off when the dragon stopped attacking the moment you did it. But I was wrong. You might not know much about elemental fights, but, damn. You're a regular badass! Fighting a dragon barefoot? A fire dragon? That takes balls. I mean, damn, kid. How are you even standing on those things?"

Sasuke stiffened, his eyes narrowing into hateful black slits. It was bad enough the man felt free to touch him so casually without drawing attention to his feet. Naruto was staring at them again. Some of the others were looking now, too. He had never had anyone pay much attention to his feet. Since arriving here, he had discovered he severely disliked having them stared at. He shook Laguna's hand off and glared him away. "Don't touch me."

Laguna backed up with his hands in front of his chest and a playful grin on his face. "Got it. I don't want to be on your bad side. It's just," he looked down again and winced, "damn, kid. You must have really pissed Kakashi off for him to make you fight like that. Against a dragon that uses Flare? That's sadistic. I'm telling Iruka. No way he lets Kakashi get away with that."

"Sasuke..."

"Shut up," Sasuke growled. "Stop staring at my feet."

"But they're bleeding," Naruto cringed. They were also swollen and burnt looking, and some of the nails were cracked and those were bleeding, too. They were filthy and gross. Sasuke's toes were so fat they didn't even look like fingers now. "That's disgusting! Sit down before they fall off or explode or something."

Kankuro snorted, twice, and then he laughed at Sasuke's expression. "You could have borrowed Gaara's shoes, dumbass. He barely moves when he fights."

"Indeed," said Gaara.

Naruto glanced at Gaara, but his attention was immediately caught by Sasuke's bright red face. Sasuke was so embarrassed he was blushing. Because they were staring at his feet? Naruto's eyes widened until Sasuke caught him looking and shot him his most threatening glare. That glare in combination with that face was too much. Naruto tried not to laugh, he tried really hard for almost a whole minute. Then he cracked and cackled and then choked when Sasuke's elbow rammed into his gut. He threw a punch back at him, because if he couldn't laugh at him he could at least hit him. Sasuke blocked the punch with his arm and returned it with interest. Then they were scuffling, hindered by the chain but doing their best despite that, and Naruto forgot all about Sasuke's feet.

"Hey!" Laguna yelped. "What are you doing? Stop that. Don't-"

Laguna winced when one of those mutilated feet whacked the blonde on the side of the head. The blonde grabbed the ankle attached to that foot and yanked, and then the two boys were rolling on the ground, clearly intent on the beating the shit out of each other. The other kids were just watching, one of them looking annoyed, one of them looking amused, and the other two blank-faced as if this was totally normal. Laguna backed away from the entire group. Kakashi's kids had issues.

"What's going on?" asked Lee.

Naruto twisted Sasuke's left fist to the side so he could grin up at the formerly missing boys. "Lee! Kiba! Where were you guys?"

"Upstairs," Lee said, with a glance upwards. "Although it seemed much closer when we were up there."

Sasuke pulled away and made a point of not looking at Naruto as they climbed to their feet. Naruto ignored him back.

"Are you guys okay?" asked Naruto. He was going to have to talk to Lee about what he had done, pushing him out of the way like that. But it wasn't a talk he wanted to have in front of everyone, so it would have to wait.

"We're fine," Kiba said, looking askance at both Naruto and Sasuke. How had they gone from beating a dragon together to pounding on each other? "What about you guys?"

"Oh, we're fine," Naruto waved. "Sasuke was just mad because he doesn't like people staring at his feet." He grinned when the two late arrivals immediately looked down, and some of the others looked down again. Sasuke had his back to him this time, but imagining his red face was almost as good as seeing it.

Kiba grimaced. If his feet looked like that he wouldn't want people staring at them, either. He quickly looked away, and then looked around. "He hasn't brought Shikamaru back yet?"

"No," said Shino.

The silence was heavy and ominous. Then Laguna shattered it by being his usual oblivious self. Laguna had returned to the group with Clef in tow. "Just look at them," he was saying. "That's insane."

"I didn't notice," Clef admitted, "or I would have done something. I doubt Kakashi noticed, either." Laguna scoffed at that, but didn't argue. Clef nodded to the boys and used his staff to heal them. His spell also cleaned them up, because unlike Iruka's his magic didn't distinguish healing from repairing. He then turned to look at the man who had brought the two boys down from above. "Come," he said to the children, "Clow wishes to speak with you."

"He was with us upstairs," Kiba told the others. Clow creeped him out. He was tall with long black hair pulled to the side so the tail fell over his shoulder, round glasses that looked too thin to be real, a long flowing black cloak edged in gold, and a gold staff with a crescent moon opened upward with wings sprouting from either side. He looked as formally overdressed as Clef. Kiba didn't think that was what made him creepy, though. It was the way the guy smiled with his eyes closed, and how he had barely said two words to them the entire time they were with him.

"The floor was invisible," said Lee. "It was as if we were standing right above you."

Kiba flashed a quick grin at Shino. "It was cool how fast you switched with Kankuro. And the way that guy freaked over your bugs was hilarious. Bugs on a wand? Who does that? Hah!"

"You could hear us?" asked Shino.

"Yeah. It was weird. We couldn't feel the vibrations or heat, but otherwise it was like we were right over your heads."

Laguna reached Clow ahead of the kids and frowned up at him. "Are you going to Card it?"

"Yes," said Clow.

Laguna folded his arms over his chest and scowled at the sleeping dragon. He didn't have any use for a ruby buck, personally, but he was the one who had offered it to Kakashi. So what if he didn't collect cards himself? Maybe he wanted to start with this one. Clow should have at least asked. He sent a sullen look at Clow and caught just a glimpse of the man's dark eyes. He abruptly remembered the Accompany Card he had used earlier. The card he wasn't even supposed to have had. What Clow didn't know, he found out fast. Laguna quickly plastered a smile on his face. "Great idea. You do that. I gotta go."

Clef raised an eyebrow when Laguna disapparated with a loud crack. He would have expected Laguna to whine at least a little about not getting the dragon card for himself. Strange. "This is Clow Reed," he said to the kids. "He will be making your personal wands using the cards he has created."

"We will begin that tomorrow," Clow nodded. "For now, is there only one of you who uses fire magic? Please cast your fire spell on the dragon. Don't worry, it will not awaken or be harmed in any way. Most dragons are attuned to the element of their color. For a red dragon such as this, fire is pleasure."

Sasuke grimaced. When it was put like that he was even more reluctant to roast the thing. Naruto prodded him with an elbow, and he glared back at him.

"Just do it," Shikamaru muttered from behind them. He winced at how fast they all crowded around him.

"When did you get back?" asked Naruto.

Kankuro shot a quick look around. "Where is the bastard?"

"Where did he take you?" asked Neji.

"And why?" added Sasuke.

"Are you all right?" asked Shino.

Shikamaru waved them off. "Later. Not here." They had done more than enough talking in front of these people. He caught Sasuke's eye. "Just give them a fire jutsu so we can be done with this. You can do a small one if you're low on chakra."

Sasuke was almost tempted to do a big one, just to prove that he wasn't low. But he was, as a matter of fact. That healing 'spell' had taken care of his injuries, his filthy feet, and his stained clothes. It hadn't done a thing for his energy level. The curse mark was throbbing again for the first time since he had woken up in the infirmary. He probably shouldn't have attempted to do a second chidori against the dragon earlier. Including that aborted one in the maze, he had already done two and a half today. He gave Naruto a pointed look and they both focused until the chain was long enough for him to do the handseals once they had reached the dragon. It was just a small katon, but that was enough to make the dragon gleam.

Clow nodded and then inclined his staff so the tip tapped the air in front of the dragon's head. The air swirled like water, then the dragon dissolved into mist and reformed in a glowing golden card that immediately floated over to hover in the air in front of Sasuke. Clow smiled at him. "Take it in your hand."

Sasuke closed his fingers over the bottom edge. The golden glow faded to reveal a card that reminded him of the ones Kabuto had used during the exam. Except this one featured a picture of the dragon in its 'about to strike' pose, with the bottom half of the card filled with what might have been text. He couldn't read a word of it. He could read his name, though. That was scrawled on the bottom of the card. He stared hard at that, then flipped the card over. His clan symbol was on the back, a red and white fan on a black background gilded in blue. He shot a dangerous glare at the man responsible. "What is this?"

"Your first card," said Clow. "It could have gone to any person who helped defeat the dragon. As this dragon's affinity is for fire, and you are the only one able to prove an affinity for fire, it is yours. I will keep it for you, however, until you are able to use it properly." The card slipped out of Sasuke's grip and floated over to him. He held it for a moment before letting it vanish into his staff. "May it be your first of many."

Clef summoned the three children from above, then nodded to the others. "Let us return to the office now. Once you have your wands and the necessary supplies, you will be free to explore or rest until dinner."

Shikamaru hoped this wouldn't take long. Knowing it was the middle of the night in Konoha made him miss his bed with a vengeance.

Clef's kids immediately pushed their way into the middle of the group.

"Does your electricity cut things?" Killua asked Sasuke. "How do you make it do that?"

"How did you get your energy ball to spin?" Gon asked Naruto. "I can barely get mine to float."

"May I please pet your dog?" Alluka asked Kiba. "Please?"

Kankuro grumbled under his breath about annoying noisy kids, and for once Shikamaru found himself agreeing with him. He still made it a point to walk between Kankuro and the kids. He doubted Clef would appreciate Kankuro gagging the children. Besides, Naruto seemed to be enjoying the attention as much as Sasuke was resenting it. And there went Kiba letting the little girl hold a tail-wagging Akamaru. Even Lee got in on the chatter after the white-haired boy praised his speed. Shikamaru exchanged a resigned look with Neji as a gap opened up between the happily chatting group and those who preferred peace and quiet. He was actually feeling sorry for Sasuke, who was chained right in the middle of that mess, when Gaara suddenly passed him to walk right beside Lee, prompting one of the children to ask him about his sand shield. Gaara didn't hesitate to answer that question, or the flurry of questions that followed. Shikamaru had no idea what to make of that, but it hurt his brain. He dropped his eyes and stopped thinking completely. His brain was past due for a break, anyway.

.-.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: Clow Reed is from Cardcaptor Sakura.


End file.
